Today, my brother asked me if I wanted to see a magic trick. I stupidly said yes and now have a black eye from where he punched me. My dad thinks it's hilarious and my mum says he didn't know any better. He's 13. FML
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College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I accidentally gave myself a black eye. I would laugh about it if my friends didn't start suspecting that my husband is abusing me, and won't listen when I try to explain what really happened. FML
Today, my little brother was feeling like the god damned bratty douchebag he is and hurled a basketball at me. It missed, hit the wall, and rebounded straight into his face. He burst into tears, and I'm now grounded because my parents believed him when he said I threw it at him. FML
Today, my little brother came into my room and hit me over the head with his baseball bat. He then dropped the bat onto my floor and ran crying into my mother's room proclaiming I stole his bat and beat him with it for fun. FML
Today, I decided to scare my 10 year old sister for fun. I hid behind a door and leapt out, shouting "Boo!" when she walked by. She burst into tears and ran screaming to my mom. My mom thought I'd hit my sister, and was so angry that she punched me in the eye. FML
Today, my little brother punched me in the stomach. When I didn't flinch and he asked me why, I thought it would be funny to tell him I was Iron Man and that nothing could hurt me. Two seconds later, he took a step back and kicked me in the nuts as hard as he could. FML
Today, my brother and I got in a fight and he told my friends that I am mentally disabled. They believed him. Apparently, "everything makes sense now." FML
Today, at the mall my brother and I went to look at a vendor's items when my mom said not to touch anything. Thinking my brother was standing next to me, I saw him touching stuff so I smacked him in the arm and told him to stop. I turn to see that the old lady to my side was giving me a mean look. FML
Today, I was at the mall with my little brother. I saw him touching some expensive objects, so I slapped his arm. I noticed he wasn't my brother when he started crying and his real mom slapped me in the face. FML
Today, my stepdad punched me in the face after I told him I hated him. He and my mom came in 10 minutes later to try to convince me that I'd made it up in my head that he'd punched me. My face was still red. FML
Today, I was watching my 3 year old brother. He asked me to get him a cookie and I said, "What's the magic word?" He looked at me angrily and said "Bitch, please." FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Now you see him...now you don't.
jnanderson 16
I guess that's what they call black humor.
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Comments (127)
jnanderson 16
I guess that's what they call black humor.
SundayNightSix 23
But it only makes people blue..
Zelphoric 25
Well blue eye just sounds like an eye color soooo black eye it is... Even though its more like a nasty purple, yuck
Lacist 19
Bruised eye.
meepmerp 20
Beat the shit out of him!
Iamlegendfuckyou 3
Black Humor? Once your black you never go back..... My bad :P
Welshite 40
Now you see him...now you don't.
Zelphoric 25
Now you don't see anything!
enddmd 27
What else do you expect from a 13-year-old brother?
AlaskanG 27
Uhhh... To not act like a ******* douche?
enddmd 27
#15: Most thirteen year olds are immature douches anyway, and if it's your younger brother then generally that doesn't improve anything.
StiffPvtParts 43
I stabbed my older brother with a fork when I was 13 (._.)
littlekellilee 45
Yeah but usually (I stress the word "usually") violence is kept between brothers. A 13 year old boy giving his sister a black eye is a little overboard.
bellebe1998 16
My little brother beats me up...it happens.
dachayke 16
#22, I go to a charter school that has 8-12 grade, and the 13-year-olds are about 10 times as mature and nice as the sophomores and juniors.
Sports_guy3 28
Exactly. My brother was a douche at 13. It's worse cause he's 14 now...
BMTHsuperfan 18
@#41 they may be nicer, but i highly doubt they're more mature.
142_cats 13
I'm fourteen and I'm pretty nice man. I'm not a douche I swear it.
NinjaFood 13
My brother and I are completely civil to each other and he's thirteen. So no, this isn't what I'd expect from him. The most violent we get is during war games in Halo
dachayke 16
58: Oh, they are.
dachayke 16
.
Bigfabthetruth52 22
Me and my big sister used to have pretty intense fights when we were little,but i made sure to never put my hands to her face.
ChristianH39 30
My brothers 13, and while he's obviously not a fountain of maturity we get along just fine. OPs brother is a special type of asshole!
dachayke 16
58: and it must've been something really mature you did to get probation.
Thunderstruck14 30
Being immature is fine, being mean is not. Its never okay to be an asshole, regardless of how old you are. Even minors have the responsibility to not be mean.
lex1459 38
Ask if he wants to see a trick and then make him disappear.
Rainhawk94 27
Op should preform a shazam
JMichael 26
Six feet under?
kinky44 28
The trick is he actually kicked you.
rgri 11
Show him the same 'trick'.
foxy_grampa 19
Just take revenge by getting out embarrassing baby photos of him whenever he starts to date
everett75 4
They r brothers he can just do that right back, just beat the shit out of him instead.
JtPv 14
27- He's a she. This was his sister.
cryssycakesx3 23
actually they are** not brothers
EdenCrystal 21
He magically made your eye turn black!
Zelphoric 25
Witchcraft!
ashalayx 13
your parents must be timmy turners parents in real life
weveallbeenthere 30
that's funny
tomwantssnow 14
The baby child can get away with anything, trust me, I'm the baby brother in my family
jazzy_123 20
you're probably a pain in the ass.
rocker_chick105 31
Stop making us "baby children" look bad. Not all of us are spoiled brats.