Today, while wiping my ass, the broken finger that has been set straight dipped into the toilet and touched a turd. This keeps happening since I broke it, and I'm sure it will again. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML
Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm while wiping my butt. FML
Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML
Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML
Today, after speeding home due to an overflowing bladder, I ran to the bathroom, forgetting that the toilet seat was broken. While doing my business, the toilet seat and I both slid off the bowl. FML
Today, I realized how fat I really am. While going to the bathroom I leaned to the side to wipe my butt and heard a crack. Not knowing what it was, I continued to wipe. After I finished, I got up to see that I'd cracked the toilet seat in half. FML
Today, I was checking my phone while using the toilet. In a distressing moment of my brain mixing up the signals to my hands, I dropped my phone into the bowl and pressed my thumb into the shitty paper to turn it off. FML
Today, I broke my little toe. It got stuck in my panties as I struggled to get a leg through. FML
Today, I was changing my shirt in the bathroom when I dropped it. It fell on my foot, so I decided to flip it up with my foot instead of bending down to get it. I flipped it, and it landed in the toilet. Which somebody had not flushed. FML
Today, like every day, I flushed a public toilet with my foot. Today, unlike every day, my foot missed the handle and landed in the unflushed water. FML
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Top comments
profoundkisses 18
Use your other hand!
revan546 24
Sounds like a shitty situa- no... No.. Im better than this...
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Comments (146)
popaacxx 10
That's gross. And if you're going to wipe your butt, why not lift up your bottom and angle you wrist so as not to touch anything nasty? Also, either you water is at a high level or you just have long fingers...
wizzkid93 9
Haha, one for the stinky
nunnsii92 9
How far in are you putting your hand?! I'm sure you're wiping wrong.....
Sheh_fml 25
How damn shallow are toilets in the US? Also, this is a serious problem. And disgusting. If the finger has been set straight with something, that something will most likely not be easily cleaned, and feces is a source of a great deal of decease. Even if it hasn't, I doubt that you spend enough time to scrub your broken and probably painful finger clean. Use your other hand, or put on a rubber glove. Flush before wiping, or stand up while wiping. Do something.
gear4 29
so use your other hand .. ?
Sir_Swaggington 6
Then use the other hand to wipe. It really isn't that difficult
lininnes 6
Flushing before u wipe ur ass
Virtual_BS 13
You Americans and your shallow toilet bowls... ...Maybe you should stand and wipe, OP - studies show that it's the preferred method of about half the population.
theonlyone1 7
it sounds like you want it to happen
Mauskau 36
Wait, how small is your toilet and do you not stand up to wipe? I'm always at least a foot away from the bottom of the toilet, unless you have giant hands and create massive mountains of poo in one go, I can't see this happening D: