Today, while wiping my ass, the broken finger that has been set straight dipped into the toilet and touched a turd. This keeps happening since I broke it, and I'm sure it will again. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML
Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm while wiping my butt. FML
Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML
Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML
Today, after speeding home due to an overflowing bladder, I ran to the bathroom, forgetting that the toilet seat was broken. While doing my business, the toilet seat and I both slid off the bowl. FML
Today, I realized how fat I really am. While going to the bathroom I leaned to the side to wipe my butt and heard a crack. Not knowing what it was, I continued to wipe. After I finished, I got up to see that I'd cracked the toilet seat in half. FML
Today, I was checking my phone while using the toilet. In a distressing moment of my brain mixing up the signals to my hands, I dropped my phone into the bowl and pressed my thumb into the shitty paper to turn it off. FML
Today, I broke my little toe. It got stuck in my panties as I struggled to get a leg through. FML
Today, I was changing my shirt in the bathroom when I dropped it. It fell on my foot, so I decided to flip it up with my foot instead of bending down to get it. I flipped it, and it landed in the toilet. Which somebody had not flushed. FML
Today, like every day, I flushed a public toilet with my foot. Today, unlike every day, my foot missed the handle and landed in the unflushed water. FML
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Top comments
profoundkisses 18
Use your other hand!
revan546 24
Sounds like a shitty situa- no... No.. Im better than this...
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Comments (146)
nattlecakes 19
Use the other hand, or stand up to wipe!
the_real_aquaman 5
stand up or use other hand
ballpython 15
...Or call your dog in (assuming you have one) and tell him to go to town. Dogs love to eat shit.
ratorr2 23
Where's your brain? Might try using that once in awhile.
msbeans07 2
Learn to wipe your ass with your other hand, unless you enjoy turd touching.
AzWolf 5
Stand and bend. Get your ass away from the water.
MrNoLyrics 4
What I found odd was that your finger touched the water. How frigging big are your hands? My hands are HUGE and that wouldn't even be possible for me!
metallicshadow 16
This is why I always stand and wipe
GAOStarr 15
Flush then wipe.
livelobster123 14
Wait... Men are supposed to sit down and wipe? I always thought that was just a woman thing...
niqniq935 5
Raise up while you're wiping