Miscellaneous: Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off...

By Anonymous - 20/06/2015 01:22 - United States

Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 894

You deserved it 14 215

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Same thing different taste

By Numbass123 - 04/05/2014 17:17 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 447

You deserved it 11 656

By SeatofIgnorance - 29/08/2017 04:30

Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 682

You deserved it 4 988

By Anonymous - 08/06/2014 02:34 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I went to the restroom to pee. A loud fart exploded out of my ass and echoed in the toilet bowl. I could practically feel my face on fire when I saw the horrified look on a little girl's face as I walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 078

You deserved it 6 690

Humpty Dumpy

By traumatized - 12/04/2014 18:07 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 449

You deserved it 9 410

By broken finger - 18/07/2013 20:53 - United States

Today, while wiping my ass, the broken finger that has been set straight dipped into the toilet and touched a turd. This keeps happening since I broke it, and I'm sure it will again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 392

You deserved it 12 033

Gross out competition

By shattysituation - 31/12/2012 22:36 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 433

You deserved it 4 059

By Anonymous - 04/04/2011 05:26

Today, I had diarrhea in a public bathroom. When I was finished, I noticed that someone had pissed all over the toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 436

You deserved it 4 697

Y'all need fiber.

By blondie875 - 26/05/2018 14:30 - United States

Today, I had just gotten out of the shower when I thought I had to fart, so I ripped it. instead, I shat all over myself and my floor. I'm 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 519

You deserved it 1 385

By EmbarrassedGirlfriend101 - 17/08/2011 16:40 - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 296

You deserved it 7 527

By maniac11 - 11/10/2012 00:58 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. I really had to use the bathroom, but decided to wait. After about an hour, I went to the restroom. I pissed for so long that when I walked out her family all started clapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 505

You deserved it 6 589

extrasnipes 22

Sunday 21 June 2015 0:02

Bet the fight was about her not wanting to do anal

WOTAN1488 24

Sunday 21 June 2015 0:00

Learn to relax your anal sphincter.

Comments

daltond27 10

Saturday 20 June 2015 23:58

Sounds like a shitty situation

powaaah77 8

Saturday 20 June 2015 23:59

Did you like it op ?

pleasedie 22

Sunday 21 June 2015 1:09

He now does it every time he poops

Mauskau 35

Sunday 21 June 2015 2:38

Part of me is hoping their argument was over why she didn't want to try anal 8)

Eyeslick 33

Sunday 21 June 2015 2:54

^ Or why he didn't want to try anal.

samlovesham1234 9

Sunday 21 June 2015 0:00

I hope your nails weren't sharp. You could cut your anus if they were.

AlwaysWatching 27

Sunday 21 June 2015 0:16

That made me cringe. Why does that part of the human body have to be so delicate

daddysgirl243 21

Sunday 21 June 2015 4:31

that would be a terrible experience.

WOTAN1488 24

Sunday 21 June 2015 0:00

Learn to relax your anal sphincter.

justdanceforever 20

Sunday 21 June 2015 0:00

best FML I've ever read

Miss_Chevious 37

Sunday 21 June 2015 1:16

you haven't read the one about the woman who's husband was involved in a series of horrible accidents. he repeatedly fell in her best friend's ******

enginsteve 17

Sunday 21 June 2015 6:56

#31. That's every other FML.

luststarrr 22

Monday 22 June 2015 0:04

#5, you must be new here.

SheepShoop_fml 20

Sunday 21 June 2015 0:01

Never go to shit angry. ...Er, that's not quite right...

psychopolarbear 28

Sunday 21 June 2015 0:29

What did we learn today kids? That's right. Aggressive wiping is never the answer to our problems.

Grenith 21

Sunday 21 June 2015 6:55

Why is this downvoted? It's amazing.

extrasnipes 22

Sunday 21 June 2015 0:02

Bet the fight was about her not wanting to do anal

CliffyB03 28

Sunday 21 June 2015 0:38

This is the best comment I have ever read. I don't know who you are, but I love you now.

JD134 24

Sunday 21 June 2015 1:00

I was just about to comment about that.

GotMePhuxxedUp 3

Sunday 21 June 2015 5:51

mindblown by this comment.

tralulilulalala 20

Sunday 21 June 2015 10:34

Sir, you just won the Internet

extrasnipes 22

Monday 22 June 2015 22:59

When people have no lives....^

babygirlprincess 17

Sunday 21 June 2015 0:02

now you have a very, very small idea of what anal us like for us

captainsmegma 12

Sunday 21 June 2015 0:03

Now that's deep.

Eyeslick 33

Sunday 21 June 2015 2:56

Well it doesn't sound like it was very deep...

mld4657 28

Sunday 21 June 2015 0:04

just the tip man just the tip

luststarrr 22

Monday 22 June 2015 0:05

#10, your profile picture makes this comment so much better!

mld4657 28

Monday 22 June 2015 5:43

thank you

Keywords

Family Miscellaneous DIY Cats Poopoo peepee Work Awkward Management Am I overreacting? Capitalism Relatable Coworkers Frustration Transportation Dogs Animals ADHD Dating Love Mental health Health Anxiety Technology Sleep Noise Roommate Clumsy AITA Confused Parents

The Top

Today, out of the kindness of my heart, and so he wouldn't have to spend any money, I gave my ex-boyfriend my login information to my Vudu account. Big mistake. He logged me out of all devices, changed the password, and won't give me the new login information until I give him head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 232

You deserved it 696

Today, I got home from visiting my long-distance girlfriend. I spent $366 to get a plane ticket to visit her for the week. The day after I arrived there, she broke up with me and I had to buy a ticket for an earlier flight home. With fees and penalties, I paid around $550 to be broken up with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 711

You deserved it 5 223

The Top

Today, my ex-husband got married to my daughter. She’s 18, a high school dropout, and pregnant with his child. She strongly believes she’ll have a bright future with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 661

You deserved it 147

Today, I walked into a sexual health clinic to get checked for STDs and they sent me to emerge instead. After 6 hours of tests, I was diagnosed with testicular cancer at the age of 27. I never thought I'd wish to have gonorrhea or chlamydia instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 977

You deserved it 149

Today, my girlfriend ran off with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 182

You deserved it 228

Today, I got my dad to fill in a questionnaire my teacher handed out on Friday. One question said, "I would like to see my son/daughter ______." My dad wrote in the blank space: "Less often." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 437

You deserved it 4 547

Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 936

You deserved it 8 895

Today, l was crouched on the ground in the doorway at a haunted mansion. It's part of my job here to scare the people passing by. A 12 year-old girl walked by, I grabbed her leg, and she kicked me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 978

You deserved it 41 816

Same thing different taste

Humpty Dumpy

Gross out competition

Y'all need fiber.

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