Today, while wiping my ass, the broken finger that has been set straight dipped into the toilet and touched a turd. This keeps happening since I broke it, and I'm sure it will again. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML
Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm while wiping my butt. FML
Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML
Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML
Today, after speeding home due to an overflowing bladder, I ran to the bathroom, forgetting that the toilet seat was broken. While doing my business, the toilet seat and I both slid off the bowl. FML
Today, I realized how fat I really am. While going to the bathroom I leaned to the side to wipe my butt and heard a crack. Not knowing what it was, I continued to wipe. After I finished, I got up to see that I'd cracked the toilet seat in half. FML
Today, I was checking my phone while using the toilet. In a distressing moment of my brain mixing up the signals to my hands, I dropped my phone into the bowl and pressed my thumb into the shitty paper to turn it off. FML
Today, I broke my little toe. It got stuck in my panties as I struggled to get a leg through. FML
Today, I was changing my shirt in the bathroom when I dropped it. It fell on my foot, so I decided to flip it up with my foot instead of bending down to get it. I flipped it, and it landed in the toilet. Which somebody had not flushed. FML
Today, like every day, I flushed a public toilet with my foot. Today, unlike every day, my foot missed the handle and landed in the unflushed water. FML
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Top comments
profoundkisses 18
Use your other hand!
revan546 24
Sounds like a shitty situa- no... No.. Im better than this...
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Comments (146)
TcheQ 12
You wipe ur ass while sitting down?????????????????
caitlinbblack 14
Stand up and wipe your ass.
Fishfanatic 7
I have never in my life heard of anyone standing up to wipe their ass. Seriously I'm astounded so many people have said they do this. Also absolutely nothing should happen to your hand from it entering the airspace of a toilet bowl. The germs in it are basically all over every single surface in your bathroom. That's why you WASH YOUR HANDS AFTER YOU USE THE TOILET. . How the hell do you people clean your toilet properly ? ( here's a hint, put rubber gloves on and get scrubbing ) OP- I have no idea what sort of freakish toilet bowl you own, but you seriously shouldn't be able to reach that far down into the bowl while wiping your ass. Not so that it touches any turds. Either you have a very odd shallow bowl, or you did the biggest crap imaginable.
alchemist27 13
I giggled like a little girl
rlTlk 13
0-0 just no. For the love of god, use your other hand.. Or stand up, something!
wafflefriez91 17
Who the hell wipes sitting down? I would be afraid i would put the unprotected side of my hand up my butt lol. I stand up and look so i know what i am doing and dont get poop on my hand.
EffYoLife 14
if you don't wipe sitting down, you must have a really shitty ass! your butt closes up when you stand. sitting on the toilet while wiping gives you more access to clean. I hope you at least use wet wipes, nasty!
id4l 8
use your other hand
sabrizzy24 4
Stand up first!
rsloss 7
use your other ******* hand
acidrainx 9
You don't get up to wipe?