Today, while wiping my ass, the broken finger that has been set straight dipped into the toilet and touched a turd. This keeps happening since I broke it, and I'm sure it will again. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML
Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm while wiping my butt. FML
Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML
Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML
Today, after speeding home due to an overflowing bladder, I ran to the bathroom, forgetting that the toilet seat was broken. While doing my business, the toilet seat and I both slid off the bowl. FML
Today, I realized how fat I really am. While going to the bathroom I leaned to the side to wipe my butt and heard a crack. Not knowing what it was, I continued to wipe. After I finished, I got up to see that I'd cracked the toilet seat in half. FML
Today, I was checking my phone while using the toilet. In a distressing moment of my brain mixing up the signals to my hands, I dropped my phone into the bowl and pressed my thumb into the shitty paper to turn it off. FML
Today, I broke my little toe. It got stuck in my panties as I struggled to get a leg through. FML
Today, I was changing my shirt in the bathroom when I dropped it. It fell on my foot, so I decided to flip it up with my foot instead of bending down to get it. I flipped it, and it landed in the toilet. Which somebody had not flushed. FML
Today, like every day, I flushed a public toilet with my foot. Today, unlike every day, my foot missed the handle and landed in the unflushed water. FML
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Top comments
profoundkisses 18
Use your other hand!
revan546 24
Sounds like a shitty situa- no... No.. Im better than this...
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Comments (146)
xxsakuraxx 29
**screams*like*Amanda*Bynes*doing*an*Ask*Ashley*skit*on*All*That** USE YOUR OTHER HAND! How hard is that to figure out? You were born with two of them! Why would you use your hand with a broken finger to wipe your ass anyway? Man!
YesIAmPlease 4
I think I love you.
kalbrek009 20
I know from experience (had a fractured hand once) that its a no-brainer to realize that even though awkward...you have to use the other hand! So stop dipping in the toiled & either lift up to wipe or use your non dominant hand. How difficult can it be to understand...?
swedeNix 13
Use ur other hand or buy a box of latex gloves:)
SlashX19 16
How bout standing?
eightpack007 7
Flush before you wipe dumbass
mr_obvious 0
How can so many people agree with this? The person is an idiot... DO NOT HAVE KIDS!!!
darviller 17
Wipe with the other hand, you literal dip shit.
specialeducation 12
Wait..... So I was a little confused as to why your hand would go anywhere near into the toilet. But then someone commented "lift your ass" and "stand up to wipe." Wtf?? I thought everyone stood up. Well, idk why you wouldn't.
katie1989 9
Because if youre a women, pee can drip down your leg
Benlop_fml 15
How come you don't flush the toilet then wipe? Might save your hand!
EffYoLife 14
true
gioo_fml 6
Use your other hand dumbass