Today, while wiping my ass, the broken finger that has been set straight dipped into the toilet and touched a turd. This keeps happening since I broke it, and I'm sure it will again. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML
Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm while wiping my butt. FML
Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML
Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML
Today, after speeding home due to an overflowing bladder, I ran to the bathroom, forgetting that the toilet seat was broken. While doing my business, the toilet seat and I both slid off the bowl. FML
Today, I realized how fat I really am. While going to the bathroom I leaned to the side to wipe my butt and heard a crack. Not knowing what it was, I continued to wipe. After I finished, I got up to see that I'd cracked the toilet seat in half. FML
Today, I was checking my phone while using the toilet. In a distressing moment of my brain mixing up the signals to my hands, I dropped my phone into the bowl and pressed my thumb into the shitty paper to turn it off. FML
Today, I broke my little toe. It got stuck in my panties as I struggled to get a leg through. FML
Today, I was changing my shirt in the bathroom when I dropped it. It fell on my foot, so I decided to flip it up with my foot instead of bending down to get it. I flipped it, and it landed in the toilet. Which somebody had not flushed. FML
Today, like every day, I flushed a public toilet with my foot. Today, unlike every day, my foot missed the handle and landed in the unflushed water. FML
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Top comments
profoundkisses 18
Use your other hand!
revan546 24
Sounds like a shitty situa- no... No.. Im better than this...
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Comments (146)
icepick23 12
Maybe your s/o will wipe it for you?
relaxedninja 18
maybe wipe standing up?
TecheyTim 14
Just flush the toilet before you wipe dumbass
infectedsense 15
Stand up to wipe, or squat. But I feel like my butt would never be THAT close to the toilet water for this to be an issue...maybe your ass is deformed. Or the finger you broke is like E.T. long. You have options here, OP, so YDI.
Omniprism 15
Other hand?
ElTigre995 4
then stand up while you wipe
ebrainer1 9
There's a solution that's very simple. You just, and bear with me hear, stand up while wiping. To do that, raise your torso up off the seat by flexing your lower abdominal and quadricep muscles BEFORE (very important) proceeding to wipe your silly ass.
cmb8280 24
This might be my favorite FML Ever lmfao
sk8s4d8s 15
Flush, then wipe?
joyce71 5
this is sick how plays with. there. poo. not cool