Today, while wiping my ass, the broken finger that has been set straight dipped into the toilet and touched a turd. This keeps happening since I broke it, and I'm sure it will again. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML
Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm while wiping my butt. FML
Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML
Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML
Today, after speeding home due to an overflowing bladder, I ran to the bathroom, forgetting that the toilet seat was broken. While doing my business, the toilet seat and I both slid off the bowl. FML
Today, I realized how fat I really am. While going to the bathroom I leaned to the side to wipe my butt and heard a crack. Not knowing what it was, I continued to wipe. After I finished, I got up to see that I'd cracked the toilet seat in half. FML
Today, I was checking my phone while using the toilet. In a distressing moment of my brain mixing up the signals to my hands, I dropped my phone into the bowl and pressed my thumb into the shitty paper to turn it off. FML
Today, I broke my little toe. It got stuck in my panties as I struggled to get a leg through. FML
Today, I was changing my shirt in the bathroom when I dropped it. It fell on my foot, so I decided to flip it up with my foot instead of bending down to get it. I flipped it, and it landed in the toilet. Which somebody had not flushed. FML
Today, like every day, I flushed a public toilet with my foot. Today, unlike every day, my foot missed the handle and landed in the unflushed water. FML
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Top comments
profoundkisses 18
Use your other hand!
revan546 24
Sounds like a shitty situa- no... No.. Im better than this...
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Comments (146)
judea95 16
How shallow is your toilet! If your wiping your arse then you either defecate in a pot of you have a very saggy arse that hangs into the toilet
Stephy94 9
Stop giving the toilet shit, you asshole. What did it ever do to you?
coldsteelstu 4
man would have been really cool if god had given you two hands..... oh yeah he did.
doitlikeabrotha 10
Can someone explain to me how a broken finger means you touch the toilet ?:/
LilFlutter 10
The OP explained that his broken finger was set straight, so he cannot bend it at all. While the rest of his fingers curl into the curve needed for wiping, the broken finger sticks out straight.
Willibobs 33
How ******* long are your fingers? :/
Gus1989 9
Stand up to wipe your butt!
Mightytall 35
Use the other hand to wipe?
hawkislayer 2
Get a booster seat if you can't manage using the other hand or standing up.
taka3000000o 8
How bout you flush before wiping and use your other hand like everyone else says.
catanita 18
Change the hand or....use a bidet.