Today, while wiping my ass, the broken finger that has been set straight dipped into the toilet and touched a turd. This keeps happening since I broke it, and I'm sure it will again. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML
Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm while wiping my butt. FML
Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML
Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML
Today, after speeding home due to an overflowing bladder, I ran to the bathroom, forgetting that the toilet seat was broken. While doing my business, the toilet seat and I both slid off the bowl. FML
Today, I realized how fat I really am. While going to the bathroom I leaned to the side to wipe my butt and heard a crack. Not knowing what it was, I continued to wipe. After I finished, I got up to see that I'd cracked the toilet seat in half. FML
Today, I was checking my phone while using the toilet. In a distressing moment of my brain mixing up the signals to my hands, I dropped my phone into the bowl and pressed my thumb into the shitty paper to turn it off. FML
Today, I broke my little toe. It got stuck in my panties as I struggled to get a leg through. FML
Today, I was changing my shirt in the bathroom when I dropped it. It fell on my foot, so I decided to flip it up with my foot instead of bending down to get it. I flipped it, and it landed in the toilet. Which somebody had not flushed. FML
Today, like every day, I flushed a public toilet with my foot. Today, unlike every day, my foot missed the handle and landed in the unflushed water. FML
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Top comments
profoundkisses 18
Use your other hand!
revan546 24
Sounds like a shitty situa- no... No.. Im better than this...
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Comments (146)
peacefully84 19
Flush before wiping, put a plastic bag over the finger, stand up to wipe, or just use your other hand. Really if you keep doing the same thing, and the same thing keeps happening, you have no one to blame but yourself.
Morgiepoooh9822 17
I know this is gonna sound creepy but does everyone stay seated on the toilet while they wipe? I stand up to wipe. Like wut. My life is a lie. I thought I was normal.
scampman 5
I'm in the same boat as you.
taka3000000o 8
Idk bout you but I stay seated when I wipe but I flush before I do so that is my Han touches the water it won't touch a turd
LilFlutter 10
I thought standing up to wipe was normal, too. I don't know why you would stay seated, making things harder for yourself to do, but to each their own!
gentrysu 10
Come on....don't be a dipshit!
hordriss 14
How about stand up when wiping? It's not that hard.
Omgrukidding 13
Try hovering a bit next time.
LatinLad 7
Either use your other hand or stand up to wipe
awkwardloveannie 28
have you taken procausions?(sp) like bagging it if you know.it'll happen...
Kalipczo 21
I know its crazy, but Maybe you should try to use the other hand or stand up higher to wipe?
wickedcharm 15
Flush before you wipe
scampman 5
You mean people actually wipe while still sitting on the toilet? Weirdos man
askingandy 23
No one in my family shuts the door, so I'm able to confirm this. My brother even uses the toilet paper while it's still attached to the roll.. I've seen some horrible things.