Today, while wiping my ass, the broken finger that has been set straight dipped into the toilet and touched a turd. This keeps happening since I broke it, and I'm sure it will again. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML
Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm while wiping my butt. FML
Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML
Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML
Today, after speeding home due to an overflowing bladder, I ran to the bathroom, forgetting that the toilet seat was broken. While doing my business, the toilet seat and I both slid off the bowl. FML
Today, I realized how fat I really am. While going to the bathroom I leaned to the side to wipe my butt and heard a crack. Not knowing what it was, I continued to wipe. After I finished, I got up to see that I'd cracked the toilet seat in half. FML
Today, I was checking my phone while using the toilet. In a distressing moment of my brain mixing up the signals to my hands, I dropped my phone into the bowl and pressed my thumb into the shitty paper to turn it off. FML
Today, I broke my little toe. It got stuck in my panties as I struggled to get a leg through. FML
Today, I was changing my shirt in the bathroom when I dropped it. It fell on my foot, so I decided to flip it up with my foot instead of bending down to get it. I flipped it, and it landed in the toilet. Which somebody had not flushed. FML
Today, like every day, I flushed a public toilet with my foot. Today, unlike every day, my foot missed the handle and landed in the unflushed water. FML
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Top comments
profoundkisses 18
Use your other hand!
revan546 24
Sounds like a shitty situa- no... No.. Im better than this...
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Comments (146)
1crabbygirl 10
I am astounded by the number of FML's that could be prevented with a courtesy flush.
PieknyCzlowiek 7
Not to be weird but if I kept touhig my own shit in a toilet because my finger is set, I would just stand up. Only because I cant usr my left hand...
rickaashe 12
use the other bloody hand, duh!
justmeCee 16
Ummm...Use the other hand to wipe. YDI if you can't think if that on your own.
WickedWolf 11
Dude change the way you wipe...
Euronymous93 29
Dude, way too much information! Why don't you just use your other hand?
nognom 2
Wipe with the other hand or spay yourself so you don't continue stupid genes into the world.
circlelranch69 1
How bout stand the **** up till the finger heals. Please tell me you don't drive a car or fly planes or anything
stitesy29 18
Why not stand up when you wipe your ass Am i the only one that does that?
caitlinbblack 14
I think we are..
KushQuEEn420 0
Umm use the other hand to wipe???