Today, while sitting at a red light, I guiltily nibbled on a chocolate bar and looked around to make sure no one saw me cheating on my diet. A police car pulled up, I panicked, stepped on the gas, and ran the light. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was running late for work and skipped breakfast. At a red light, I noticed a granola bar in my bag and so I took a bite, only to realize it was actually a dog treat I'd stuffed in there days ago. FML
Today, I got pulled over by a cop car. As I was fumbling for my license and registration, I handed the officer a half-empty bag of Doritos I’d forgotten was in my glove box. He thought I was trying to bribe him. FML
Today, I held my bag of burger and fries out the window while driving, to preserve that new car smell. Not only did I hit a pothole and lose my lunch, I got pulled over by a cop who suspected I was either littering or tossing drugs when I saw him. FML
Today, I ate a chocolate bar before getting my morning coffee. While waiting for it, a good looking guy started talking to me, then suddenly lost interest. Afterwards, I saw the chocolate on my face in my car mirror. FML
Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML
Today, I snuck a snack into a library study hall. One tiny crinkle of the wrapper and every head turned like I’d detonated a siren. I tried to nibble silently, misjudged the crunch, dropped the pack, and it performed an encore. The professor glared at me. FML
Today, I ate brunch at my in-laws. The food all tasted off to me so I didn't eat much, telling my mother-in-law I was watching my weight. Later on, while out doing a bit of shopping, I stopped at a red light. Guess who pulled up next to me while I was scarfing a fast food burger. FML
Today, I pulled up to the stoplight near my house. It was dark with no traffic and the car behind me kept edging closer and closer to me. I finally got fed up with waiting and the car and ran it. In fact, it was a cop and he was trying to read my license plate because the back light was out. FML
Today, I got a text from an unknown number saying, "You shouldn't be eating that." I was eating a piece of chocolate, cheating on my diet. FML
Today, I had a cop pull me over because he claimed that he saw me taking a bunch of colorful pills at the previous stop sign. I was eating skittles. FML
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Top comments
klovemachine 24
It's just a candy bar. That's not worth getting a ticket for! YDI
IIRoxieII 12
Hahaha, WTF?
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Comments (142)
mattorama 15
Do you have health insurance? You don't need a diet, you need a psychologist. If eating a chocolate bar causes that kind of anxiety, you need to talk to somebody. Not saying you need to get on heavy meds or anything, but you need to talk to somebody.
Levvy 22
If you think a bunch of total strangers at a red light just magically "knew" you were on a diet in the first place, there is just the tiniest of tiny chances you might be schizophrenic. Likelier, though, that it's just excessive anxiety.
stevenmx86 8
Wtf?
LovexInfinity 5
*slow clap*
vanessa20783 6
earth to people, when you feel like you're doing something wrong, any can spook you. however I don't believe OP panicked enough to run a red light in front of a cop.
AnneeSo 6
Earth people? Are you an alien?
Levvy 22
Ground control to Major Tom...
vanessa20783 6
^ anyone*
linkinpark98 24
Are you sure that was chocolate your addicted to?
AnneeSo 6
You must be a very anxious person. I don't think anyone cares if you cheat your diet.
C25_fml 4
I can't believe it ... You could have killed someone ! What if there were a kid crossing the street ? OP, you totally deserved it, I hope you got a huge fine and felt very stupid.
bubu93_fml 1
hahhahaha u must have felt so stupid.i step on the gas wen i panic too