Today, while sitting at a red light, I guiltily nibbled on a chocolate bar and looked around to make sure no one saw me cheating on my diet. A police car pulled up, I panicked, stepped on the gas, and ran the light. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was running late for work and skipped breakfast. At a red light, I noticed a granola bar in my bag and so I took a bite, only to realize it was actually a dog treat I'd stuffed in there days ago. FML
Today, I got pulled over by a cop car. As I was fumbling for my license and registration, I handed the officer a half-empty bag of Doritos I’d forgotten was in my glove box. He thought I was trying to bribe him. FML
Today, I held my bag of burger and fries out the window while driving, to preserve that new car smell. Not only did I hit a pothole and lose my lunch, I got pulled over by a cop who suspected I was either littering or tossing drugs when I saw him. FML
Today, I ate a chocolate bar before getting my morning coffee. While waiting for it, a good looking guy started talking to me, then suddenly lost interest. Afterwards, I saw the chocolate on my face in my car mirror. FML
Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML
Today, I snuck a snack into a library study hall. One tiny crinkle of the wrapper and every head turned like I’d detonated a siren. I tried to nibble silently, misjudged the crunch, dropped the pack, and it performed an encore. The professor glared at me. FML
Today, I ate brunch at my in-laws. The food all tasted off to me so I didn't eat much, telling my mother-in-law I was watching my weight. Later on, while out doing a bit of shopping, I stopped at a red light. Guess who pulled up next to me while I was scarfing a fast food burger. FML
Today, I pulled up to the stoplight near my house. It was dark with no traffic and the car behind me kept edging closer and closer to me. I finally got fed up with waiting and the car and ran it. In fact, it was a cop and he was trying to read my license plate because the back light was out. FML
Today, I got a text from an unknown number saying, "You shouldn't be eating that." I was eating a piece of chocolate, cheating on my diet. FML
Today, I had a cop pull me over because he claimed that he saw me taking a bunch of colorful pills at the previous stop sign. I was eating skittles. FML
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Top comments
klovemachine 24
It's just a candy bar. That's not worth getting a ticket for! YDI
IIRoxieII 12
Hahaha, WTF?
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Comments (142)
shawnaishere 14
The fitness police is coming better run better caught!
ActionManly 11
See this is why dieting is stupid.
Yousuck24 21
OMG OPZ YOU GOOT CAGHTZ EATING A CHOC BAR BY DA COPS UR LIVE IZ HORIBLE I HOPE 4 UR SAKES DAT THE COPZ WERE CONSITABLE OF UR MISAKES FYL FYL. Seriously OP, tell me one reason why you don't deserve it? Does it matter what people think of you? You can eat a chocolate bar AND still be on a diet. So why did you think endangering people's life's by running a red light to get away from a problem no one would really care about is the best solution? YDI.
midnight21 8
I hate you because you talk like that. If you are going to write something, the least you can do is be respectful to the language. Asshole.
Yousuck24 21
Wait. Let me get this straight... Firstly, my first paragraph was a joke and I was imitating some stupid people who talk like this. Secondly, you hate me because you thought my joke was disrespectful to the English language? Maybe it was but no need to hate me for it.
BellaMarta 19
Why would anyone care anyways? And you're supposed to treat yourself everyone in a while.
RawEndo 1
No more candy, ticket.
Steve5678 0
Are you autistic?
somnula 9
There's no way this is true, no one is that self-centered, ridiculous and inept.
8KAGE8 8
Interesting...
corabroc 6
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL i know the feeling! P90X while dieting and creatine pills just doesnt cut it when your starving for junk food
crywf312 4
tsk tsk, should have had those girls from the local middle school to follow you around.