Today, while sitting at a red light, I guiltily nibbled on a chocolate bar and looked around to make sure no one saw me cheating on my diet. A police car pulled up, I panicked, stepped on the gas, and ran the light. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was running late for work and skipped breakfast. At a red light, I noticed a granola bar in my bag and so I took a bite, only to realize it was actually a dog treat I'd stuffed in there days ago. FML
Today, I got pulled over by a cop car. As I was fumbling for my license and registration, I handed the officer a half-empty bag of Doritos I’d forgotten was in my glove box. He thought I was trying to bribe him. FML
Today, I held my bag of burger and fries out the window while driving, to preserve that new car smell. Not only did I hit a pothole and lose my lunch, I got pulled over by a cop who suspected I was either littering or tossing drugs when I saw him. FML
Today, I ate a chocolate bar before getting my morning coffee. While waiting for it, a good looking guy started talking to me, then suddenly lost interest. Afterwards, I saw the chocolate on my face in my car mirror. FML
Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML
Today, I snuck a snack into a library study hall. One tiny crinkle of the wrapper and every head turned like I’d detonated a siren. I tried to nibble silently, misjudged the crunch, dropped the pack, and it performed an encore. The professor glared at me. FML
Today, I ate brunch at my in-laws. The food all tasted off to me so I didn't eat much, telling my mother-in-law I was watching my weight. Later on, while out doing a bit of shopping, I stopped at a red light. Guess who pulled up next to me while I was scarfing a fast food burger. FML
Today, I pulled up to the stoplight near my house. It was dark with no traffic and the car behind me kept edging closer and closer to me. I finally got fed up with waiting and the car and ran it. In fact, it was a cop and he was trying to read my license plate because the back light was out. FML
Today, I got a text from an unknown number saying, "You shouldn't be eating that." I was eating a piece of chocolate, cheating on my diet. FML
Today, I had a cop pull me over because he claimed that he saw me taking a bunch of colorful pills at the previous stop sign. I was eating skittles. FML
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Top comments
klovemachine 24
It's just a candy bar. That's not worth getting a ticket for! YDI
IIRoxieII 12
Hahaha, WTF?
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Comments (142)
flugiboogee 9
You're a bit of an idiot.
Vidrill 22
I actually created an account because I wanted to stress how idiotic it is for people like that to complain. Other FML's are about people who got cheated on or discovered their child wasn't theirs and that idiot ran a red light just to eat a chocolate and has the nerve to complain? You could have hit someone...
micahsmommy 13
OP is probably just embarrassed and FML is the place for all people to embarrass themselves further by sharing their embarrassing stories. Yes some FMLs are serious but many are funny and others are idiotic which is why there is a "you deserved it" button. If it wasn't FML worthy the fine moderators would have denied this post.
I_heart_sex 1
And the faithful ppl who are cheated on who fall into depression and become suicidal...well no one really hurt them right? Everyone has a bad day. This was a funny FML. Hope the cop had a sense of humor and OP didn't get a ticket.
Vidrill 22
It sure is embarrassing, but saying "F my life" because you ran a red light so you wouldn't be seen eating a freaking chocolate is a bit of a stretch to me and an insult to people who have actual problems. And saying that something is FML worthy is objective, all I'm saying is that it's not worthy to me...
juunebug 2
I remember *my* first FML..... Seriously though, you are obviously new here. Not every single FML is actually life shattering.
The_Hitdude 12
Vidrill- Are you seriously bitching about which FMLs are posted on the site? I don't think you're really grasping the fact that the FML staff sift through HUNDREDS of FMLs per day to find ones that are good enough to post on the site. I'm sure it's a slap in the face to them when people complain about the quality of FMLs, considering what they go through to keep us entrained on a daily basis. Have a little more respect and stop whining.
The_Hitdude 12
*entertained
Senseless_487 29
37, just because it doesn't seem like a "**** my life" moment to you, it doesn't mean that it won't to someone else. It isn't up to you, me, or anyone else, other than the site administrators, to decide what is worthy to be on this site. Why complain?
Zomg_Okay 27
27, you are far too serious to be on this website.
kandi_kid69 15
37- Please just leave. I don't think that the FML staff really care what is "F my life" worthy to you. It's an entertainment site. Not everything that gets posted has to be depressing and serious. My goodness, just have a laugh at OPs failure.
muFilter 19
Well, then it turns out you pretty much actually created an account to violate the commenting policy, because calling out FMLs for not being FML-worthy is frowned upon. Trust me on this, I've got badges you probably can't see because you're most likely on your phone. You're right that a lot of them involve more serious predicaments, but plenty are just pure jackassery. Anyway, welcome to the community.
DarthDeath 12
So you are saying that if OP had cheated on the chocolate by eating another bar, it would be a 'real' FML?
micahsmommy 13
Did you throw the chocolate out the window as you peeled out so you wouldn't get caught?
newburton13 26
Of course. Of course you're from California. A little chocolate isn't going to run an entire diet! You deserve it. Are you blonde?
BlackBlazeCobra 16
Wow, you're THAT paranoid? I highly doubt Anyone you know was going to be near that certain stoplight. And if they did, who cares? A candy bar can be easily burned off with a moderate amount of exercise. YDI for sure.
windfuelsfire 10
I bet the policeman snickered at you
juunebug 2
Well at Reese she got chocolate out of the deal?
mrlopez 13
Mars have been a situation in which OP went skittles. Hmm. Skittles ain't chocolate though.
groupleader 7
You shouldn't cheat and drive.
tony1891 22
there's no wrong way to eat a Reese's. lol
compasseagle89 8
"ma'am, do you know how fast you were eating? license, registration, and diet plan."
Arrawyn 12
WHAT!? It's become illegal to eat chocolate now!?