Today, while sitting at a red light, I guiltily nibbled on a chocolate bar and looked around to make sure no one saw me cheating on my diet. A police car pulled up, I panicked, stepped on the gas, and ran the light. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was running late for work and skipped breakfast. At a red light, I noticed a granola bar in my bag and so I took a bite, only to realize it was actually a dog treat I'd stuffed in there days ago. FML
Today, I got pulled over by a cop car. As I was fumbling for my license and registration, I handed the officer a half-empty bag of Doritos I’d forgotten was in my glove box. He thought I was trying to bribe him. FML
Today, I held my bag of burger and fries out the window while driving, to preserve that new car smell. Not only did I hit a pothole and lose my lunch, I got pulled over by a cop who suspected I was either littering or tossing drugs when I saw him. FML
Today, I ate a chocolate bar before getting my morning coffee. While waiting for it, a good looking guy started talking to me, then suddenly lost interest. Afterwards, I saw the chocolate on my face in my car mirror. FML
Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML
Today, I snuck a snack into a library study hall. One tiny crinkle of the wrapper and every head turned like I’d detonated a siren. I tried to nibble silently, misjudged the crunch, dropped the pack, and it performed an encore. The professor glared at me. FML
Today, I ate brunch at my in-laws. The food all tasted off to me so I didn't eat much, telling my mother-in-law I was watching my weight. Later on, while out doing a bit of shopping, I stopped at a red light. Guess who pulled up next to me while I was scarfing a fast food burger. FML
Today, I pulled up to the stoplight near my house. It was dark with no traffic and the car behind me kept edging closer and closer to me. I finally got fed up with waiting and the car and ran it. In fact, it was a cop and he was trying to read my license plate because the back light was out. FML
Today, I got a text from an unknown number saying, "You shouldn't be eating that." I was eating a piece of chocolate, cheating on my diet. FML
Today, I had a cop pull me over because he claimed that he saw me taking a bunch of colorful pills at the previous stop sign. I was eating skittles. FML
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Top comments
klovemachine 24
It's just a candy bar. That's not worth getting a ticket for! YDI
IIRoxieII 12
Hahaha, WTF?
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Comments (142)
Azula272 14
Guilty conscience. Fyl
Adm_Twigs 19
Bet that was the most expensive chocolate bar you've ever eaten lol
brandonjd25 3
Ur an idiot
JuuChan 3
I hope this is fake cuz if not you're a danger to society and shouldn't be driving if you panic that easily. Get off the road before you kill someone.
firemedic841 11
Those diet police are sneaky bastards.
jennifernorvell 7
No one gives a shit If u stay fat
melij99 5
No one gives a shit about your stupid duck face.
pengin 13
You are a DUMBASS. Please do not procreate, there are plenty enough idiots in this world. UGH
midnight21 8
You are my hero.
BMC1999 0
Nobody would know youre on a diet would they?
tptman 2
Look up generalized anxiety disorder and please talk to someone, you shouldn't panic over things like that.
DotZz 4
I'm pretty sure no one knew you if you were in ur car at a traffic light... W o w w