Today, while sitting at a red light, I guiltily nibbled on a chocolate bar and looked around to make sure no one saw me cheating on my diet. A police car pulled up, I panicked, stepped on the gas, and ran the light. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was running late for work and skipped breakfast. At a red light, I noticed a granola bar in my bag and so I took a bite, only to realize it was actually a dog treat I'd stuffed in there days ago. FML
Today, I got pulled over by a cop car. As I was fumbling for my license and registration, I handed the officer a half-empty bag of Doritos I’d forgotten was in my glove box. He thought I was trying to bribe him. FML
Today, I held my bag of burger and fries out the window while driving, to preserve that new car smell. Not only did I hit a pothole and lose my lunch, I got pulled over by a cop who suspected I was either littering or tossing drugs when I saw him. FML
Today, I ate a chocolate bar before getting my morning coffee. While waiting for it, a good looking guy started talking to me, then suddenly lost interest. Afterwards, I saw the chocolate on my face in my car mirror. FML
Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML
Today, I snuck a snack into a library study hall. One tiny crinkle of the wrapper and every head turned like I’d detonated a siren. I tried to nibble silently, misjudged the crunch, dropped the pack, and it performed an encore. The professor glared at me. FML
Today, I ate brunch at my in-laws. The food all tasted off to me so I didn't eat much, telling my mother-in-law I was watching my weight. Later on, while out doing a bit of shopping, I stopped at a red light. Guess who pulled up next to me while I was scarfing a fast food burger. FML
Today, I pulled up to the stoplight near my house. It was dark with no traffic and the car behind me kept edging closer and closer to me. I finally got fed up with waiting and the car and ran it. In fact, it was a cop and he was trying to read my license plate because the back light was out. FML
Today, I got a text from an unknown number saying, "You shouldn't be eating that." I was eating a piece of chocolate, cheating on my diet. FML
Today, I had a cop pull me over because he claimed that he saw me taking a bunch of colorful pills at the previous stop sign. I was eating skittles. FML
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Top comments
klovemachine 24
It's just a candy bar. That's not worth getting a ticket for! YDI
IIRoxieII 12
Hahaha, WTF?
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Comments (142)
misshighjinks 5
Wat...you need to calm down....
whogivesafuck88 10
Out of all the stupid posts I've read on this site ,and there has been some REALLY STUPID ones, ones that make me question the intelligence of the whole human race, this is by far the stupidest. Not only are you and idiot op but you also have absolutely nothing wrong in your life if this is the big disaster you decide to share. Bravo you are dumb and boring
bambalam 0
At least if they ever try to send you to prison you could still plead innocent by reason of insanity
Caretaker21 4
Your not cheating your diet your cheating yourself.
edgestr 2
People like you should not drive. You could have killed someone.
other121 2
Umm.. What the hell?
DollyDope 17
New diet plan, courtesy of your county jail, partially frozen turkey and bread sandwiches. Hope you weren't on the Atkins
CaptainJackCat 5
I must say, this is the funniest thing I've seen in a long time. How on Earth was slamming the gas your first instinct? I feel like tossing the candy to one side would have been slightly more logical.
Apple_2404 11
Omfg you should not have a licence if you get distracted that easily whilst driving. It's lucky you didn't hit anyone running a light.
fenixtorador1 11
I knew it! You stole that chocolate bar!