Money: Today, I had to pay my bus fare in very small change. After carefully... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 100

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 601

You deserved it 98

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 590

You deserved it 40

11/10/2012 17:49

Today, I had to pay my bus fare in very small change. After carefully counting out coins under the withering glares of a bus-load of people, I quickly slid them into the machine, and somehow ended up jamming it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 760

You deserved it 4 823

Another great day to be alive

Commando

Walk on the wild side

27/08/2011 00:20

Today, while waiting for a doctors appointment, my husband started playing angry birds. Continually losing the game ended up raising his blood pressure to the point where he now has to have his medication changed. The new medication is $100 copay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 666

You deserved it 3 252

07/03/2014 18:51

Today, while I was waiting at a red light, a drunk guy limped in front of my car, unzipped, and started pissing on my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 221

You deserved it 3 592

28/08/2013 00:32

Today, I came into the kitchen to see how dinner was coming along. My mother was milling the meat around the skillet with the cat's poop scooper as a spatula. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 566

You deserved it 2 912

02/06/2011 10:05

Today, I was shopping for clothes. I thought this guy was a mannequin because he was standing perfectly still. I poked him and he screamed like a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 221

You deserved it 36 305

So romantic!

By Anonymous - 28/01/2020 18:00

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend on my boat at the lake. As we were looking at the mountains all around us, she playfully pushed me off the side into the water. As I got back on the boat, I realized that not only was my cellphone dead, but the ring had fallen into the deep water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 188

You deserved it 256

07/10/2015 17:20

Today, my brother hugged me for the first time. Turns out he was patting me down to make sure I didn't have cigarettes. Love you too, bro. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 717

You deserved it 2 608

28/03/2012 02:38

Today, I failed my driving test. I rammed into the parallel parking poles, ran a stop sign, and stopped at a cross intersection. My instructor called me an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 269

You deserved it 56 412

23/06/2012 22:21

Today, I fell asleep while on the toilet at work. When I woke up, I tried to quietly sneak back to my desk, only to be caught by my boss. He immediately sent me packing and gave his "best wishes" for me in the unemployment line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 218

You deserved it 32 301

25/08/2011 10:16

Today, I got tipped more than I have in my bank account. It was $5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 941

You deserved it 6 168

22/07/2009 04:03

Today, my manager came in and said "Hey Alice, great job closing so well last night. NOT." and walked off. When I heard the door shut, I said "And great job being a bitch, you cow." I heard my manager walking back towards me. She wasn't the one who left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 561

You deserved it 48 077

08/10/2013 02:08

Today, being so desperate for money, I accepted a job in which I get shot at with paintballs for 6 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 107

You deserved it 5 271

16/01/2015 18:05

Today, I had to repeatedly explain to an increasingly angry lady that no, she couldn't get an ultrasound by using a referral letter from her psychic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 647

You deserved it 3 101

22/05/2015 15:02

Today, I had to ask one of my coworkers if we were supposed to return a client's teeth to her. I work at a jewellery store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 872

You deserved it 2 211

22/10/2015 14:05

Today, I was called a ruthless bitch for not waking up early to search for my car keys, so my boyfriend could go get his pipe and get high before work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 637

You deserved it 5 329

03/06/2017 12:00

Today, marks 2 weeks since I got Oral Allergy Syndrome, a.k.a. randomly becoming allergic to apples, bananas, strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, blackberries, grapes, mangos, carrots, celery, beets, sunflower seeds, fennel, my toothpaste, and more things I just haven't tried yet. I'm vegan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 773

You deserved it 2 191

21/02/2016 17:10

Today, I was starting a new job and I didn't want to be late, so I took a train that left earlier than normal, just to make sure I'd be on time. Turns out, the earlier train wasn't an express train, and made it to my stop 12 minutes after my usual one did. I was late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 321

You deserved it 4 456

13/01/2015 01:11

Today, I had to call a few different women and explain to them that my little brother had catfished them. I had to do it because he is mute and my parents were too busy screaming at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 931

You deserved it 2 260

Going swimmingly

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 18:03

Today, I was excited to go to swim after a long time of not doing so because of Covid restrictions. After changing into my trunks and putting my goggles on, I jumped into the pool straight away, while still wearing my mask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 586

16/11/2012 23:59

Today, I went to a big job interview. Everything went well at first, with the interviewer being impressed by my CV. I was then interrogated over not having a Facebook account, and practically accused of being a criminal, because people without them "always have something to hide". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 591

You deserved it 1 911

28/01/2010 19:35

Today, I had to cancel all of the plans to go away on a romantic weekend with my boyfriend. My parents are going out of town for a night and I have to stay home a babysit my little sister. She's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 664

You deserved it 5 085

25/06/2012 08:32

Today, I was watching a movie alone, after receiving a text from my boyfriend saying that his grandma was at the hospital, so he couldn't go with me. I caught him on a date with another girl, at the same movie screening that I went to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 904

You deserved it 2 562

02/11/2013 06:27

Today, I woke up to a brand new password on my phone that only my wife knows. Apparently, she thinks I've been looking at my phone more than I've been talking to her lately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 948

You deserved it 47 218

05/08/2009 05:15

Today, I was eating dinner with my family. My parents didn't want me to hear what they were talking about so they decided they would spell out the words so I wouldn't understand. I didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 399

You deserved it 58 657

12/03/2010 21:17

Today, I landed in Hawaii for my vacation. I have a really bad ear infection, and to top my day off, my girlfriend blurted out mid-flight that she thinks we're not going to work out. Aloha! FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 137

You deserved it 2 166

Cursed lake

By TabbyCat87 - 18/10/2019 16:00

Today, our boat broke down in the middle of a lake at sunset. We called our friend for help, and his truck and trailer got stuck in mud at the boat ramp. We called the sheriff's office to tow his vehicle out of the mud. The tow strap broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 507

You deserved it 126

Stinky

By mickymoose1 - 19/07/2020 02:02

Today, my dog decided to play with a skunk. Today is also the day I figured out that no matter how much you wash everything that's come in contact with the smell, it will never go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 289

You deserved it 126

Ever Given

By Anonymous - 31/03/2021 20:00

Today, I had to poop, but as I sat down, it wouldn't come out. After about 10 minutes I realized I needed help. The only help I could get was my mother, who couldn't stop laughing at the sweat and faces I made. I still hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 255

30/08/2014 08:35

Today, I was called in over speakers at the airport. The man who was speaking clearly and nearly burst out laughing when he said my name. Soon, a few people around also snickered when they heard it. I had to wait five minutes before I could casually stand up. My last name is Bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 413

You deserved it 3 793

04/10/2013 16:05

Today, I went to the gym. I tried out a new machine where you do one-arm weightlifting. I took my time to get into a good position, then set the machine to the lowest weight possible. I couldn't even lift it an inch. A bunch of buff guys nearby saw me and burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 640

You deserved it 5 928

10/06/2012 18:11

Today, I confronted my husband over the fact that despite me working two jobs to support us for the last three years, we're nowhere near our goal of buying a house. He actually had the brass balls to defend pissing my money down the drain on his ceramic cat collection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 584

You deserved it 5 934

Pace yourself

By Anonymous - 20/02/2021 11:01

Today, for my 18th birthday, I went out to a club with my mate and I drank so much I ended up breaking my nose. I was there for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 1 008

23/09/2012 08:14

Today, after weeks of dealing with a bad hair cut, my hair finally grew back to my preferred length. Today is also the day my roommate replaced my shampoo with hair remover as a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 413

You deserved it 1 848

10/11/2018 13:30

Today, my sister got fired and I got promoted to her job, got a nice payrise for it. My relationship with my sister will never be the same again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 552

You deserved it 312

16/03/2013 20:04

Today, I asked a traffic cop if it was okay to park my car briefly in a Monday to Friday only parking spot, since it's Saturday. She politely replied I could. I came back less than ten minutes later, only to find a parking ticket stuck to my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 077

You deserved it 17 085

21/08/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, I canceled going to a party with my sisters because I had a secret plan to have a threesome. They left for the party, but soon returned thinking it would be no fun without me. By then we were already making a lot of indecent noise. They heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 141

You deserved it 2 840

13/12/2010 14:57

Spicy

Today, I'm spending the night with the guy I've been interested in for a while. Instead of sleeping in the same bed together, he insists that I sleep in another room because he "doesn't want to be tempted to do anything." So, I'm alone, in my best lingerie, in his little brother's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 409

You deserved it 8 533

Denial

By Anonymous - 01/12/2013 06:02

Today, during a job interview, I was offered a sandwich. I politely declined, explaining that I'm a coeliac and would probably get very sick. He said coeliac disease "isn't real" and that gluten-free eating is just a fad. I had to leave when he kept pushing me to accept it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 691

You deserved it 3 897

10/01/2010 05:35

Today, I finished up a week of this new "Liquid Foods" diet I learned about from a friend. After a week of denying myself of my favorite foods and eating only non-fat yoghurt and smoothies, I have not only gained 2 pounds, but have diarrhea. Just in time for my anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 391

You deserved it 31 656

24/07/2010 10:50

Today, I had to get bloodwork done. I'm deathly afraid of needles. The whole lobby heard me scream as soon as the nurse said 'hello'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 035

You deserved it 29 092

10/10/2010 09:05

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to use my epilator on my eyebrows. Needless to say I now have the eyebrow equivalent of a comb-over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 891

You deserved it 27 122

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

dinorider_fml 4

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 3:09

This FML makes a lot of cents

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 3:04

Making new friends everyday

Comments

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 3:01

Sonebodies not getting a seat

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 3:14

Maybe the bus doesn't have very many people on it.

SakataGintoki 9

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 3:23

Clearly that sarcasm was just a bit too much for you to handle :)

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 3:30

1 - *somebody's

SqueakyChipmunk 20

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 3:43

Fuck that. Scream, 'Rosa Parks', sit somewhere, and refuse to move.

xXHollowIchigoXx 17

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 4:57

#25 that sounds... HILARIOUS. LOL, just imagining someone do that has me giggling. Sounds like something off Family Guy.

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 18:25

How does this comment have 17 thumbs down?! Yeah okay obvious spelling error, but it made me lol :) You are harsh FML community, you are harsh...

KayanoForeverx 3

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 3:01

Maybe cause you put them in too fast

Silent_Thrill 17

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 3:05

That happens to me all the time, #2. There I am all excited and I get WAY too excited and just slide it in too quickly. Or at least that's what she says. She acts like I'm gonna break something if I slide in too fast. I mean how is that possible? I know she wants it over quickly so she can go but then she complains! I don't understand women... Good thing I only have to deal with that bus driver and machine about once a week!

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 5:22

Ok it started out funny but you drug it out too long... Try again...

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 7:45

And your comment, 36, just flat-up sucked from start to finish. Try again.

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 3:02

Well that must be awkward.

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 3:07

You really think so? I thought he would have been quite comfortable.

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 3:08

Ok Dr. sarcasm

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 3:17

Hahaha number 8 its obvious youre new. Though frowned upon when used too much, sarcasm is commonly used in the fml community. Welcome...

onlychildFTW 33

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 9:48

7 comments. Must be a newbie. But sarcasm rocks! OP, why can't you pay in larger change quantities?

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 3:04

Making new friends everyday

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 3:06

If it makes you feel better, I did this too... but had to spend 5 minutes un-jamming it, and then ended up 25 cents short.

dinorider_fml 4

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 3:09

This FML makes a lot of cents

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 3:23

If I had a dime for every time I heard that...

redbluegreen 40

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 3:35

I guess OP will have to make a change to his plans.

SqueakyChipmunk 20

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 3:53

What if OP is female? You'll have to quarter to make up for that.

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 7:42

Is it just me or does #28's pun not make any sense?

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 9:05

44- I understood their pun just fine. I found the pun itself quite clever actually, though Chipmunk might change it to make more cents to the FML. But that's just my two cents, if you want to count my opinion.

SqueakyChipmunk 20

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 16:00

44) quarter=court her. Courting is basically sucking up to a female to get with her or something. Does no one read about old culture anymore?

Rizzen 27

Send a private message

Sunday 13 April 2014 2:44

you're retarded. and yes I read fine literature

astoryofroses 9

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 3:10

Patience is a virtue

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 3:13

It sucks if anybody would look down on you for paying in small change. Times are hard.

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 3:18

It almost sounded as if you slid the people into the machine. :P

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 3:42

A dangling modifier?! When I saw FML authors make this mistake repeated times, I knew I had to correct them! /grammar joke Oh well, English is hard. At least s/he tried! :D

Send a private message

Sunday 14 October 2012 5:10

I don't see how my comment was interpreted in such a way that it got 10 downvotes.

SakataGintoki 9

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 3:19

Least you didn't use pennies OP, or else those "glares" would have turned into death threats.

Send a private message

Friday 12 October 2012 22:49

I put in £1 worth of pennies in Sainsbury's self checkout once.