By nick - 24/07/2012 00:52 - United States - Palm Desert

Today, was my daughter's birthday. I didn't know I had a daughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks 31 436
You deserved it 12 578

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Just get her a great gift and act like you new. Trust me know one will ever notice.

What she's already like 19. Kinda difficult to just show up with a gift.

knew* no* I felt entitled to let you know, I am not a grammar nazi. Irony is no one will notice the gift, but we will notice those backwards spelling errors.

Next time think about protecting that up.

Protecting that up?

41. not sure if derp face or just.. ah fuck it.

Uhm, you can't just act like you knew you had a daughter when you didn't actually know. I don't think it works that way

13- Nowhere does it say she's 19.

56 - He forgot the "if". He was saying "What if she is already, like, 19?". The point he was making is that the daughter he just found out about could be a year old or twenty (or more) years old. If she's older, it's not like he can just pop in and act like he's known her since she was born.

The grammar >_

Furthermore, if she was older why would he want to pretend he's known about her all along? That would just make him seem like a deadbeat. "Hey I'm your dad and although I've known about you your whole life I didn't want or care to see you until now." Vs. telling the truth "Hey I'm your dad I just learned of your existence. I'm sorry I haven't been in your life yada yada bla bla."

#68 The grammar is greater than underscore? Can't say I disagree, but why are we talking about usernames?

Your profile pic goes well with you"re comment somewhat

Condoms... Always handy

Or if you don't want to risk a broken condom... Hand! Always...handy?

No glove, no love!

If your gonna tap it make sure you wrap it.

15- hands are usually handy...

Cover before you love her

Hence the joke. :)

Dont be silly cover your willy Cover your stump before you hump

Getting a girl pregnant is a bad idea. Getting a woman you're in love with pregnant is a good idea, as long as you both want kids.

I saved 15% on my child support payments by switching to condoms.

OP obviously didn't have any condoms handy when he needed them...

2) you do know condoms prevent pregnancy by 99.99% So there is always that 0.01 chance that he did use a condom

64 - if you're not saving 100% you're doing something wrong -_-

67: Actually it's the pill that prevents pregnancy by 99.99%. A condom prevents it by 95%.

Use condom + pill. CONDOM + PILL, every damn time. It's just the safest way to do it.

Don't be a fool, wrap your tool!

I prefer the good old shirt hanger.

birth control... also handy(:

67-actually not all the time haha..my bro was a lucky kid who was concieved even though they used condoms AND the pill AND the doc said my mom couldn't get preggo. Some things are meant to be XD

You're pretty luck as well, considering your mom was also able to get pregnant with you.

You wanna come for a boat ride ?

You did not major in statistics, did you?

Everyone asks me why I hate surprises, this is why. You never know what shit is gonna happen.

The surprize is that someone is mistaking Op for someone else. Anyone who is anyone would know if they came inside or not.

Worst surprise ever.

Well I hope she is younger rather than older! At least you'll have more birthdays with her that way.

not necessarily.

I guess they forgot to tell you... Surprise!

How can someone forget to tell you that they have a child? It would usually be the first thing to do, unless they don't want the parent to know.

Way to be an awesome parent.

Um... yeah. Kind of hard to be an awesome parent when you don't know you are one...

It's not his fault he didn't know!

Uh yeah actually it is his fault. Maybe if he were to, oh I don't know, maybe use a condom? He wouldn't have to worry about this. If you're going to go around fucking girls, be safe or stay in touch.

Or, 104, maybe the mom was an ass and chose not to tell him (perhaps it was a bad breakup or something of the sort), and then later he found out somehow. Assumptions, assumptions.

Yeah 104, because condoms never fail right? If the mom never let him know, was he magically supposed to guess that she was pregnant? Not all of us have psychic powers.

Thumbs down lol

you're an original one...

Of course he is! He used ONE exclamation point instead of two!

DNA test is always good haha

Okay, I'll jump on the bandwagon here...SURPRISE!

Just because op forgot one thing doesn't mean he has amnesia