Miscellaneous: Today, I've been so stressed out that I forgot my own birthday....

By Ya_I_said_it

Today, I've been so stressed out that I forgot my own birthday. I only remembered when my mom talked to me to let me know she wasn't planning on doing anything for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16484

You deserved it

1479

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Miscellaneous

There's no helping some people

Instadrama

Grammar police alert

By anonymous - United States

Today, I found a ring box in the pocket of my boyfriend's pants while doing laundry. I eagerly walked up to him knowing that it was an engagement ring, hoping that he would propose on the spot. He tossed it back to me and said, "Well you found it, I don't actually have to ask now, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

20228

You deserved it

51498

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Saint Austell

Today, I found out that my daughter not only has a boyfriend, but that they're trying for a baby. She's barely 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20624

You deserved it

2821

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that walking on the sidewalk does not mean that you will not be hit by a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

86981

You deserved it

4402

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By omglifee - Canada

Today, I sneezed seven times in a row. That's the closest thing I've had to an orgasm in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23771

You deserved it

4087

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By Ferniferousfern

Today, my boyfriend of several years outright refuses to come to my best friend's wedding, on the grounds he'll be "bored". FML

I agree, your life sucks

2076

You deserved it

409

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By WaxOnWaxOff - United States - Denver

Today, I realized that my boyfriend really does have a problem with my upper-lip hair. I woke up this morning to him ripping a wax strip off of my face. All he could say after I stopped shrieking was that he had hoped it wouldn't wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25340

You deserved it

9628

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I went to write "Happy Bday, I Love You" on my girlfriend's car windows to surprise her when she woke up. I was the one who got the surprise when I saw her, in her backseat, having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

80659

You deserved it

3691

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By awkwardturtle - Canada - London

Today, I went to buy a birthday present for my boyfriend. While buying him a sweater, the cashier tried to up-sale me by asking if my boyfriend wore briefs or boxers, because both were on sale. Not thinking, I blurted out, "I don't know, they just come off." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30588

You deserved it

13793

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By Getmeout - United States - Hartfield

Today, while sitting in my Forensic Psychology class, my professor listed all of the main traits that indicate someone may very well be a sociopath. Every single trait described my fiancé perfectly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32594

You deserved it

5687

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By Anonymous - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, going to my psychiatrist's appointment for my PTSD and depression, my mother yelled about how useless I am and how I torture her existence with my "abnormalities." She told the doctor how much I've improved and become such a delight at home for her and our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2003

You deserved it

102

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By "mindy12182" - United States - Des Moines

Today, while doing my disabled client's makeup I got my period. I'm hoping that she didn't notice a red stain on her white bedspread when I stood up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2282

Phew, glad it wasn't me

571

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By jaleesadavis21 - United States

Today, while I was in the shower, my older brother thought it would be funny to change the language on my phone to Serbo-Croatian. I don't know how and can't change it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27926

You deserved it

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By Kyley - United States

Today, I was broken up with via a cereal analogy. Apparently, I'm a Cheerio and all he wants is a Froot Loop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26002

You deserved it

2366

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By marenthehollow - United States - American Fork

Today, I got yelled at by a customer for saving them money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10446

You deserved it

885

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By WickedLittleDoll - United States - Laurinburg

Today, I realized my anger management has hit a new low when I screamed at a goose for being a goose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31578

You deserved it

8822

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was going to take my boyfriend to Napa. It's my birthday and I wanted to do something big since last year my fiancée called off the wedding. My boyfriend just broke up with me because I'm "clearly not over" my ex. This makes two consecutive birthdays alone in romantic hotels I paid for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44308

You deserved it

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By jada - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend over and over again and he never answered. His mom just called me and asked how I was holding up. I asked her what she meant and she had to tell me he checked himself into rehab because he was addicted to heroin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37243

You deserved it

3629

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By tara22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to throw me against the wall and kiss me like they do in the movies. Being all aggressive and smooth, he grabs my shirt and pushes me. He pushed a little too hard and my head was thrown back into the wall. I was knocked out for ten minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72926

You deserved it

6259

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I attended a musical. A new song was played, and I thought I'd heard it before because it sounded strangely familiar. I sang along quietly as the song progressed, positive I knew it. Anticipating the next chorus, I belted out the lyrics with all my heart. It was instrumental. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10967

You deserved it

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By rtrim29 - United States

Today, I was told by 'Seventeen' to add liquid highlighter to my foundation for an all-over glow. Little did I know that liquid highlighter is an actual makeup product. I now have an awful rash due to applying the ink from a highlighter pen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9703

You deserved it

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By Evjoel - Bermuda - Hamilton

Today, whilst making a cake for my kids, I accidentally got some cocoa powder in my nose. Now it feels like my nose is burning stronger than the fires of hell. On the bright side, everything smells like chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11558

You deserved it

1079

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By Anon - United States - West Jefferson

Today, my girlfriend and I went on a date. I went to the bathroom. When I came back, she was sitting at a different table flirting with a guy that looked twice as old as her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2440

You deserved it

217

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By Jonathan

Today, I woke up next to a beautiful, half-naked brunette in my bed. Two minutes later, my alarm clock woke me up for real. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73314

You deserved it

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By aldfgadfklbg - United States

Today, I had a seizure. My dad responded by saying it always happens with my disease. I never have had a disease. Now I have to wait for my dad to stop yelling at my mom about not telling me, so I can ask what I have in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49039

You deserved it

3111

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By NightzGremlin - 12/9/2020 14:01

No sleep for the wicked

Today, I came home from work to find construction workers repaving my street. I work the graveyard shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1206

You deserved it

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By hoaloha - United States - Gilbert

Today, I went to the store to buy some new shirts. I tried them on and none of them fit. When I walked out to return the shirts, everybody was staring at me. I looked down to see why. I'd forgotten to put my original shirt back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10195

You deserved it

24793

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By mr_loveless - United States

Today, I got married on Skyrim. To an elf. While in real life, my love life is floundering like a half-dead carp in the surf on a hot day. So much so in fact that I actually draw a measure of comfort from being married to an elf. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28221

You deserved it

10635

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By Sash - United Kingdom

Today, I dressed up for a date. After waiting for hours, sending countless texts and voice mails to my date, and thinking I'd been stood up, I remembered my date is actually scheduled for tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10582

You deserved it

38190

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By no, YOU raised him - United States - Concord

Today, I asked my 5-year-old son how school went today. He sighed and said "Fuck off, dad." I thought kids only became such colossal douchebags in their teens. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32955

You deserved it

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By what - United States - Livermore

Today, the man who stole my laptop at the train station yesterday used the contact information I had written on it to call me and ask for the password. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29872

You deserved it

2096

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By Lootz - United States

Today, I went to my girlfriend's sorority formal, we were both drunk. We went into the bathroom, she started to give me head. After about 30 seconds the song changes and she jumps up and goes out to dance, leaving me there. Door open. Penis out. It was the song she requested. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76191

You deserved it

20081

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By missgayle319 - United States

Today, I decided to finally try out the veggie slicer I bought a few months ago to make healthy homemade potato chips. Along with the sliced potatoes, I am now missing about a quarter inch chunk of skin from the side of my hand and quite a bit of blood. At least the chips were good. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20205

You deserved it

12971

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By Anonymous - Germany - Neunkirchen

Today, I returned to Germany for a break from my studies abroad. I got lost while out for groceries, so I tried asking a guy for directions. I went totally blank and strained to think of the right words, prompting him to mutter about rude foreigners not bothering to learn the local language. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27856

You deserved it

5329

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By satanworshipper - United States - Hollywood

Today, I received another death threat for teaching evolution in college. I'm a geology teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30066

You deserved it

2722

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By pupitre - Canada

Today, I was at a Chinese restaurant with my boyfriend and his family. After the meal, we all decided to open our fortune cookies and read them out loud. On mine, it said "You will change your mind many times before settling down." I didn't realize what it meant until after I'd read it to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28368

You deserved it

4920

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By Anonymous

Today, I fell asleep on the way to a pool party and woke up covered in sharpie swastikas and dicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3295

You deserved it

1047

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By JessThompson - Canada - Hamilton

Today, after telling my young kids all about Santa, his reindeer and his sleigh, we saw him. Smoking a cigarette in the beat-up car next to ours at a red light. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24876

You deserved it

4327

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By Mortified - Australia

Today, I was in the living room with my brother and his two older, hot friends when my mother walks out from the toilet and tells me, "Honey, if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie wipe the seatie." Need I say more? FML

I agree, your life sucks

51928

You deserved it

17325

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By sandy - United States

Today, I was completely naked in my boyfriend's bed. Suddenly his mom yelled that she was coming in so that she could get to the attic. I pulled a blanket up to my neck, hoping she would think I was cold. She had to step over my bra and panties on her way to the attic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22100

You deserved it

90436

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By Anonymous - United States - Downey

Today, my bathroom flooded. I frantically cleaned my apartment as fast as I could before the plumber arrived. Everything was finally clean when I let him in. It wasn't until after he finished that I noticed I'd left my anal beads in the shower. There's no way he didn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30795

You deserved it

58663

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Top comments

By AlexOrban | 17

#6658354 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 2:31

I'm sorry, here is present from me :) ＿＿
　　　　　／＞　フ
　　　　　| 　o　 o|
　　　　／`ミ _x 彡
　　　 /　　　　 |
　　　 /　ヽ　　ﾉ
　／￣|　　 |　|　|
　| (￣ヽ＿_ヽ_)_)
　＼

By justcommenting19 | 19

#6658349 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 2:27

Happy birthday OP! Hope this year turns out better than the last and you're less stressed.

COMMENTS

By Cadillac_kid_15 | 27

#6658339 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 2:20

Settle down.

By MrMoos13 | 11

#6658342 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 2:23

My birthday is today too, OP. Same exact thing happened to me.

nonsensical | 26

#6658346 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 2:24

STOP TRYING TO STEAL OP'S THUNDER

nonsensical | 26

#6658348 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 2:27

And happy birthday

By justcommenting19 | 19

#6658349 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 2:27

Happy birthday OP! Hope this year turns out better than the last and you're less stressed.

By ERaj1123 | 18

#6658353 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 2:31

Happy Birthday! It's also my sister's birthday.

By AlexOrban | 17

#6658354 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 2:31

By AlexOrban | 17

#6658356 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 2:34

Happy Birthday, here is a present from me :) ＿＿
　　　　　／＞　フ
　　　　　| 　o　 o|
　　　　／`ミ _x 彡
　　　 /　　　　 |
　　　 /　ヽ　　ﾉ
　／￣|　　 |　|　|
　| (￣ヽ＿_ヽ_)_)
　＼

By arano | 29

#6658363 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 2:46

Birthdays are overrated anyways.

confused_wandere | 26

#6658452 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 5:08

They are, but it's still nice for people to recognise it and put a little bit of effort in to make you feel good on your own special day. Especially the person who's responsible for you actually existing in the first place.

By thefmlman2011 | 35

#6658374 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 2:55

happy birthday OP, from the land down under!

TheNewGuy03 | 28

#6658571 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 10:08

Happy birthday, OP, from the Land of the Morning Calm!

By melisssa87 | 30

#6658376 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 2:57

Perfect time to relax then and buy yourself something pretty!

By TheGreastest | 24

#6658387 - Wednesday 27 July 2016 3:22

Hey OP, things get better. Stuff might be overwhelming you, but trust me, everything will get better with time. I hope you become less stressed out and more happy.