Intimacy: Today, trying to flirt with a girl, I was trying to make it out...

By MarkQ95 - 21/07/2013 23:58 - Ireland

Today, trying to flirt with a girl, I was trying to make it out as if I had a great sex life. I got stuck between saying "100% customer satisfaction" and "no complaints" and blurted out "100% customer complaints." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 837

You deserved it 59 770

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 17/03/2018 05:00

Today, while working at my dead-end call centre job that couldn't get any worse, I answered a call from a customer who was having loud sex. I still needed to sound professional and tell her when a product was released. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 698

You deserved it 423

Tommy Liseau

By Anonymous - 17/03/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, I tried to seduce the girl I like by telling a joke. It turns out my delivery was so bad that she asked if I was auditioning for a new version of "The Room." FML

I agree, your life sucks 247

You deserved it 621

By DSM - 14/03/2009 11:05 - United States

Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 811

You deserved it 117 398

By Anonymous - 06/12/2011 06:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I found that when a hot girl asks you whether you have a girlfriend, saying, "I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one" is not the best way to proceed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 062

You deserved it 76 096

Give Out But Don't Give Up

By Anonymous - 10/03/2020 12:00

Today, my wife told me that I was a 5 on the scale of how well I flirted and romanced her, and that the guy before me was a 9. This was at the kitchen table in front of our kids. They thought it was hilarious, and told me I shouldn’t bother anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 700

You deserved it 197

By Bg2466 - 15/08/2016 03:17 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I got a bad review on my work's Facebook page. The girl said I was very rude and I should never work with the public. I was trying to flirt with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 138

You deserved it 15 729

By sosadbuttrue - 14/01/2012 13:15 - Switzerland

Today, the quality of my sex life reached a new low. I faked my orgasm. And so did he. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 181

You deserved it 27 960

Auntie Flow

By iluvjenknee - 22/01/2010 06:26 - United States

Today, at work, I was ringing up some tampons for a woman, and I usually try to interact with the shoppers as much as possible. I was trying to think of something witty or funny to say but drew a blank, so I decided just to say, "Have a nice night." What I actually said was, "Have a nice flow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 698

You deserved it 33 715

By Anonymous - 29/09/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, I tried to flirt with my girlfriend since I'm really busy and we can't always be together. I tell her online that I think she's hot and she responds "Keep talking I have to pee". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 887

You deserved it 5 901

Simple plan

By Crish - 22/11/2020 05:05 - Italy

Today, I was patiently explaining to my boyfriend what I liked in bed, after several weeks of unsatisfactory sex. He snapped at me and said, "80% of women fake their orgasms. Why can't you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 746

You deserved it 168

Narcoterrorist 6

Monday 22 July 2013 10:28

What makes you think she would be attracted to you if she was under the impression that you ****** herds of ***** with no rhyme or reason?

Infamous_Tora 12

Monday 22 July 2013 10:27

Complaining about how you are too good, right?

Comments

Infamous_Tora 12

Monday 22 July 2013 10:27

Complaining about how you are too good, right?

persianninja 23

Monday 22 July 2013 11:07

I think he is being modest

Micayla 12

Monday 22 July 2013 21:48

"....about not being able to walk the next day ;)"

hemz_fml 13

Tuesday 23 July 2013 15:01

Well obviously that's not true you were just making a joke which added to your charisma!

_Peppermint_ 34

Monday 22 July 2013 10:27

You shouldn't lie. You'll go nowhere

TourettesGuyFTW 25

Monday 22 July 2013 13:17

And no one.

30361 10

Monday 22 July 2013 13:58

#2, why does your profile say mister...

ColtonStecher 12

Monday 22 July 2013 15:01

O...m...g....

RedPillSucks 31

Monday 22 July 2013 15:42

She/he eschews the gender binary.

30361 10

Monday 22 July 2013 10:27

I guess that leaves "no customer satisfaction" then...

Uramonkey 11

Monday 22 July 2013 14:35

They complained that OP's **** was too big! :p

saad2605 16

Monday 22 July 2013 10:27

Not sure how deep that's going to take you? ;)

RoboCunnilingus 23

Monday 22 July 2013 13:43

Not very deep. That's why there were 100% customer complaints.

Narcoterrorist 6

Monday 22 July 2013 10:28

What makes you think she would be attracted to you if she was under the impression that you ****** herds of ***** with no rhyme or reason?

dave5124 7

Monday 22 July 2013 10:39

Well if she did consider that a positive, she probably would be the type you want to stay away from.

MrConcise 34

Monday 22 July 2013 20:13

If the name is any indication, dude's only 18. I know guys who lie about the action they get because it's a pride thing and a confidence booster. Hell, even I did it a little in high school when I was 15. He was probably just nervous.

bluerara912 12

Tuesday 23 July 2013 18:19

Damn that was awesome

salazara 10

Monday 22 July 2013 10:29

Oh dear a Freudian slip.....

Askzombie 14

Monday 22 July 2013 10:30

Who the heck says 100% satisfaction op........ Especially for their sex life

mackdeezy 22

Monday 22 July 2013 10:31

Ydi for lying. If you have to try that hard it wasn't worth your time. If she likes you regardless, that's when you know you found a good girl.

Ms_ValS 27

Monday 22 July 2013 15:32

I wouldn't consider telling lies to be "trying hard". Seems more like the easiest way used by people who couldn't be bothered to try. Doesn't really matter what a person says anyway. It's all in the actions.