Intimacy: Today, trying to flirt with a girl, I was trying to make it out...

By MarkQ95 - 21/07/2013 23:58 - Ireland

Today, trying to flirt with a girl, I was trying to make it out as if I had a great sex life. I got stuck between saying "100% customer satisfaction" and "no complaints" and blurted out "100% customer complaints." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 836

You deserved it 59 745

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 17/03/2018 05:00

Today, while working at my dead-end call centre job that couldn't get any worse, I answered a call from a customer who was having loud sex. I still needed to sound professional and tell her when a product was released. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 690

You deserved it 421

Tommy Liseau

By Anonymous - 17/03/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, I tried to seduce the girl I like by telling a joke. It turns out my delivery was so bad that she asked if I was auditioning for a new version of "The Room." FML

I agree, your life sucks 242

You deserved it 611

By DSM - 14/03/2009 11:05 - United States

Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 807

You deserved it 117 375

By Anonymous - 06/12/2011 06:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I found that when a hot girl asks you whether you have a girlfriend, saying, "I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one" is not the best way to proceed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 056

You deserved it 76 055

Give Out But Don't Give Up

By Anonymous - 10/03/2020 12:00

Today, my wife told me that I was a 5 on the scale of how well I flirted and romanced her, and that the guy before me was a 9. This was at the kitchen table in front of our kids. They thought it was hilarious, and told me I shouldn’t bother anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 684

You deserved it 192

By Bg2466 - 15/08/2016 03:17 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I got a bad review on my work's Facebook page. The girl said I was very rude and I should never work with the public. I was trying to flirt with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 134

You deserved it 15 718

By sosadbuttrue - 14/01/2012 13:15 - Switzerland

Today, the quality of my sex life reached a new low. I faked my orgasm. And so did he. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 172

You deserved it 27 939

Auntie Flow

By iluvjenknee - 22/01/2010 06:26 - United States

Today, at work, I was ringing up some tampons for a woman, and I usually try to interact with the shoppers as much as possible. I was trying to think of something witty or funny to say but drew a blank, so I decided just to say, "Have a nice night." What I actually said was, "Have a nice flow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 696

You deserved it 33 708

By Anonymous - 29/09/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, I tried to flirt with my girlfriend since I'm really busy and we can't always be together. I tell her online that I think she's hot and she responds "Keep talking I have to pee". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 880

You deserved it 5 899

Simple plan

By Crish - 22/11/2020 05:05 - Italy

Today, I was patiently explaining to my boyfriend what I liked in bed, after several weeks of unsatisfactory sex. He snapped at me and said, "80% of women fake their orgasms. Why can't you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 727

You deserved it 163

Narcoterrorist 6

Monday 22 July 2013 10:28

What makes you think she would be attracted to you if she was under the impression that you ****** herds of ***** with no rhyme or reason?

Infamous_Tora 12

Monday 22 July 2013 10:27

Complaining about how you are too good, right?

Comments

Elizabeth_Scholt 18

Tuesday 23 July 2013 1:30

Girls are not impressed by sex lives. In fact, guys who sleep around are automatically discarded in a girl's mind. It's not impressive, and it just sounds desperate.

SamanthaNGoree 10

Tuesday 23 July 2013 2:46

Better than "100% no satisfaction".

Lili_love 14

Tuesday 23 July 2013 4:05

word of advice, OP: girls don't give a damn if you're ******* everyone. In fact, they'd probably rather not know...

YaSlickWilly 8

Tuesday 23 July 2013 6:25

Your first issue is that you have customers.

ouibijou 15

Tuesday 23 July 2013 10:06

Why would you boast about something so personal at the start??

starsfan326 12

Tuesday 23 July 2013 17:23

You're an idiot lmao

marshmallowstoat 3

Tuesday 23 July 2013 17:38

Lol, PUA fail. What website did you learn that line from?

ameyer13 8

Wednesday 24 July 2013 5:57

You should have just laughed it off. Said that you were just joking. I mess up about what I'm saying all the time and normally if I turn it into a joke or something cute I get my way!