Intimacy: Today, trying to flirt with a girl, I was trying to make it out...

By MarkQ95 - 21/07/2013 23:58 - Ireland

Today, trying to flirt with a girl, I was trying to make it out as if I had a great sex life. I got stuck between saying "100% customer satisfaction" and "no complaints" and blurted out "100% customer complaints." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 836

You deserved it 59 745

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 17/03/2018 05:00

Today, while working at my dead-end call centre job that couldn't get any worse, I answered a call from a customer who was having loud sex. I still needed to sound professional and tell her when a product was released. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 690

You deserved it 421

Tommy Liseau

By Anonymous - 17/03/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, I tried to seduce the girl I like by telling a joke. It turns out my delivery was so bad that she asked if I was auditioning for a new version of "The Room." FML

I agree, your life sucks 242

You deserved it 611

By DSM - 14/03/2009 11:05 - United States

Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 807

You deserved it 117 375

By Anonymous - 06/12/2011 06:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I found that when a hot girl asks you whether you have a girlfriend, saying, "I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one" is not the best way to proceed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 056

You deserved it 76 054

Give Out But Don't Give Up

By Anonymous - 10/03/2020 12:00

Today, my wife told me that I was a 5 on the scale of how well I flirted and romanced her, and that the guy before me was a 9. This was at the kitchen table in front of our kids. They thought it was hilarious, and told me I shouldn’t bother anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 684

You deserved it 192

By Bg2466 - 15/08/2016 03:17 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I got a bad review on my work's Facebook page. The girl said I was very rude and I should never work with the public. I was trying to flirt with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 134

You deserved it 15 717

By sosadbuttrue - 14/01/2012 13:15 - Switzerland

Today, the quality of my sex life reached a new low. I faked my orgasm. And so did he. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 170

You deserved it 27 935

Auntie Flow

By iluvjenknee - 22/01/2010 06:26 - United States

Today, at work, I was ringing up some tampons for a woman, and I usually try to interact with the shoppers as much as possible. I was trying to think of something witty or funny to say but drew a blank, so I decided just to say, "Have a nice night." What I actually said was, "Have a nice flow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 696

You deserved it 33 707

By Anonymous - 29/09/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, I tried to flirt with my girlfriend since I'm really busy and we can't always be together. I tell her online that I think she's hot and she responds "Keep talking I have to pee". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 880

You deserved it 5 899

Simple plan

By Crish - 22/11/2020 05:05 - Italy

Today, I was patiently explaining to my boyfriend what I liked in bed, after several weeks of unsatisfactory sex. He snapped at me and said, "80% of women fake their orgasms. Why can't you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 726

You deserved it 163

Narcoterrorist 6

Monday 22 July 2013 10:28

What makes you think she would be attracted to you if she was under the impression that you ****** herds of ***** with no rhyme or reason?

Infamous_Tora 12

Monday 22 July 2013 10:27

Complaining about how you are too good, right?

Comments

Enslaved 36

Monday 22 July 2013 10:35

Wow! Smooth. You seem to know what girls want to hear. While you're at it, try woof whistling at us. We love that too.

Ameel_fml 19

Monday 22 July 2013 11:21

Add a butt slap and a comment on the girl's boobs. OP is sure to win her over with that!

RedPillSucks 31

Monday 22 July 2013 15:44

Personally, I like to do a boob slap and comment about her butt.

itawebbies 8

Monday 22 July 2013 10:35

Lets be honest next time

meggieeee92 15

Monday 22 July 2013 10:37

Girls don't want to hear about all the other girls you're having sex with. Way to ruin that. YDI

BadApple88 29

Monday 22 July 2013 10:38

Never lie about your sex game because when it's time to prove yourself and if you cant back it up you gonna be looking like a loser

benmec 18

Monday 22 July 2013 10:39

Did you take lessons from the pimply face kid on the Simpsons?

rickyblair 16

Monday 22 July 2013 10:45

"Customer Satisfaction"? You sound like a prostitute. Oh yes, making yourself sound like a man ***** will win her heart for sure!

DorklyComicFan 8

Monday 22 July 2013 10:45

Nice! A perfect record of disappointing sexual adventures.

mariepastyglue 30

Monday 22 July 2013 10:48

That's what you get bragging isn't sexy and neither is trying to be something you are not, and you probably had it right the way it came out. YDI.

fleur_de_fevrier_fml 22

Monday 22 July 2013 10:51

Dude, no smart girl will believe a guy who brags about having a great sex life. Boasting like that is unattractive and will only picture you as an arrogant douche-bag. A guy (or girl) who is good in bed doesn't have to brag about it. It's really easy to see through someone who is trying to make themselves look like Casanovas. Even if she buys it, when you start making out, she will realize quickly that you're not that experienced and that might be incredibly embarrassing for you. A nice girl won't mind if you have not done it that much, we all have to learn. So give up the act and be yourself :)

perdix 29

Monday 22 July 2013 10:52

Yeah, women love it when men describe lovemaking as a business transaction. Perhaps you can submit a resume and ask if there are any "positions" for you. She'll probably tell you that she has no "openings" for you to fill.