Today, the real estate guy came with potential buyers to visit... - FML

By rmL - 13/10/2008 08:31

Today, the real estate guy came with potential buyers to visit my house. He opened my bedroom while I was wanking. FML

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Instadrama

No one likes a smart-ass

Compassion

By Anonymous - 23/1/2017 22:00

Today, I went to Sunday school for the first time. The priest assured us we could ask him anything, so I did. When class ended the priest pulled me and my mom aside and asked her to stop bringing me to Sunday school until "she learns not to question the bible and accept what she is told". FML

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By Sophies - 26/12/2013 00:45 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I woke up on Christmas morning to find that a large cock and balls had been keyed into the windscreen of my car. My new, two-week-old car, which I will be paying off for the next four years. FML

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By momma6126 - 25/8/2011 04:47 - United States

Today, I found out that my mother-in-law is house hunting in my town. There is a house for sale 2 doors down from me. In her price range. FML

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By Great - 9/4/2014 01:42 - United States - Katy

Today, my in-laws moved in. FML

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By JaneVI - 10/2/2011 22:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I got an e-mail from my seminar tutor asking why I wasn't in class. I was sitting next to him. FML

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By that1guy - 14/3/2009 18:25 - United States

Today, My girlfriend who I've been dating for over a year was going to Florida for a short trip with a few friends without me since I couldn't get work off. She asked me to put her iPod in her bag for her as she was almost ready to walk out the door. Thats when I saw she packed 10 condoms with her. FML

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By anonymous - 28/3/2011 18:48 - United States

Today, I dropped my blackberry, but thanks to the protective gel case that I just purchased for it... it bounced and fell right into a sidewalk drainage sewer. FML

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By anonymous - 6/3/2016 05:33 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my 17 year old daughter told me she was going to bake a cake. When she finished she offered me one and it was crunchy. I asked her why and she said the recipe said to put eggs in. She put them in whole. FML

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By lip - 24/12/2008 08:40 - France

Today, I was jerking off in the train washroom when the ticket inspector knocked at the door. I was nearly done so I didn't open right away. I didn't think he would have the key…I found myself face to face with him and three other passengers. The worst being I didn't have a ticket. FML

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By badwolf - 4/9/2012 20:34 - United States

Today, I bought some bitter-apple spray to stop my puppy chewing on everything. Later, I found out how effective it was, when I tried to eat a sandwich, and gagged at the horrifying taste on my hands. My dog seems unaffected, and continues to chew the table legs. FML

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By Username - 25/5/2011 16:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I looked pretty. I said, "Aww, that's the first time you've said that to me." He replied, "Well, it's the first time you've looked pretty." FML

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By Anonymous - 13/8/2019 18:01

Today, I was visiting my 8-year-old nephew, who told me he learned about fire safety today. I asked him what he'd do if there was a fire right now. He pushed me out of the way and I fell over, then he ran over me and out the front door, leaving me on the floor in pain. FML

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By Username - 2/8/2011 04:43 - Australia

Today, I was in a cinema watching a movie to review in the local paper. Suddenly, the guy behind me leans in and starts whispering and hissing "Do it... Do... It. DO IT" for the rest of the movie. I'm still not sure what he wanted me to do, but he did smell of vomit and had a tea-cosy on his head. FML

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By Robbins - 31/8/2009 02:51 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to meet with my landlord to organise when he was coming to look at my flat and decide whether I get my deposit back. In the time it took to see him, my friend drank a bottle of vodka and vomited all over my room and knocked the window through. My landlord is coming in the morning. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/12/2010 05:48 - United States

Today, I couldn't get into my car. In an attempt to get in, I broke a window. As I climbed in, the actual owner of the car walked up. Mine was across the street. FML

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By Monique - 10/4/2011 06:50 - United States

Today, my head has been killing me. I've had the worst headache ever. Happy that I could finally sleep, I plopped onto my bed and bashed my head on the wall. FML

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By Jake - 7/3/2012 11:14 - United States

Today, my mom told me that Walmart had called and I had an interview at 9:30. I went to Walmart. They told me they didn't have any interviews set up. I went back home and listened to the voice-mail on her cellphone. It was the Subway in Walmart. I've been looking for a job for 3 months. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/1/2010 23:18 - United States

Today, I came home to find my little sister had decided to play hopscotch under our carport. Feeling a small childish urge, I decided to hop on one leg to the front door. I tripped and fell, slicing my knee open. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/1/2011 07:30 - United States

Today, between my cats scratching every surface they can find, my boyfriend's snoring, and the dog barking at every slight noise outside, I'm unlikely to ever get more than 3 hours of sleep at a time. FML

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By Annie - 22/11/2009 22:07 - Mexico

Today, I noticed that my dog was feeling sad. I let him hop on my bed with me to make him feel better. It worked, right after he vomited all over my face and pillow. FML

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By bananapie69 - 10/4/2020 20:00

Social distancing gone wrong

Today, waiting in the deli line at the store, a woman stood directly next to me. I panicked and tried to move back to get a 6-foot distance, but in my panic I didn’t realize there was a stand behind me. I almost fell over, so I gasped super loud. Everyone looked at me like I was crazy. FML

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By OMGWTF - 13/8/2009 02:01 - United States

Today, while biking home from work, a 12 mile trip, I was speeding down a long hill and my jean pant leg got caught in the chain. It ripped, and then the rest of my pant leg ripped off. I had to bike 10 more miles half naked along the highway. FML

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By ForgottenSarahMarshall - 22/5/2014 05:51 - United States - Aubrey

Today, I was creeping on an old coworker's Facebook and noticed they'd tagged my face in an old group photo as another girl. According to the comments, the girl they'd tagged me as thought it was her too. I worked there for two years and nobody mentioned the mistake. FML

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By Derpina - 21/12/2011 15:33 - United States

Today, a student came in late to class, and there were only a couple of seats available. I waved her over offering her the seat beside me with the quip, "It's OK, you can sit by me. I don't smell or anything." I realized after she sat down that she actually did. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/6/2009 08:50 - Australia

Today, I was talking with my mother and expressed my slight disappointment at how many of my friends are getting into relationships, whereas I'm still single. My mother decided to encourage me by saying "Don't worry, sweetie. There are boys out there who don't go for looks. You'll be fine". FML

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By nightowl506 - 21/11/2011 07:22 - United States

Today, I received gorgeous orchids from my long distance boyfriend. I was excited about it and told my parents. They still are convinced I have no boyfriend and I mailed the flowers to myself. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/12/2014 14:45 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, my commitment issues were perfectly illustrated when I couldn't put a nail in the wall to hang a painting, because, "What if I change my mind?" FML

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By itsellie27 - 30/8/2013 14:44 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend told me that he would leave me if I didn't seek help for my eating disorder. The eating disorder in question? Vegetarianism. FML

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By kiwi2323 - 26/9/2012 01:48 - United States

Today, my intoxicated husband asked my very conservative parents how their sex life is now that all the kids are out of the house. FML

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By MrAries - 2/3/2016 11:45 - United States

Today, I'm so sleep-deprived, I got a boner from just thinking about falling asleep. FML

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By preggersmcgee - 22/10/2012 16:09 - United States - Nixa

Today, I finally found a cute dress that hugged my curves and hid my imperfections. I wore it to my friend's house, and was feeling pretty good about myself, until some pregnant woman walked into the room wearing the exact same thing. It was a maternity dress. FML

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By .... - 17/4/2009 16:49 - United States

Today, I locked my keys in my car. After spending 20 minutes on the phone with AAA, and then waiting a half hour, the guy showed up, he stuck his hand in the drivers side window and asked, "You couldn't just reach in?" I forgot I left the window open. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2013 21:32 - Cyprus - Nicosia

Today, I played a friendly prank on my dad, loosening the legs of his chair so it would fall apart when he sat on it. He responded by making me stand outside and watch as he keyed both sides of my car, front to back, as punishment. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/12/2010 04:19 - New Zealand

Today, after months of job searching I got a job interview. I also later got a phone call from the manager informing me they burned down, and all current employees will be relocated or dismissed, and that my interview, scheduled for tomorrow, is postponed indefinitely. FML

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By itssomething - 1/3/2016 20:15 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, my closest encounter to having sex in the last four months was getting chlamydia from Russell Brand. In a dream. FML

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By butisavedyourkid - 6/6/2013 04:13 - United States

Today, I rescued a little boy who looked like he was drowning in a public pool. His mother then smacked me in the face for "touching him". FML

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By Anonymous - 15/3/2010 16:46 - United States

Today, I spent three hours getting ready to go out to lunch with my boyfriend, only to find out he meant we're going to the McDonald's inside Wal-Mart so he can also pick up condoms. FML

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By wowzer - 28/8/2014 19:58 - Puerto Rico - Gurabo

Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

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By awkward - 26/7/2013 18:00 - United States - Yorba Linda

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML

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By Sasquatch - 2/11/2017 22:14

Today, while showering, I noticed a spider drowning in the bath. Spiders gross me out but I felt a moral duty to save it. Reluctantly, I scooped it up and carried it to safety. Then I realised it was my housemate's pubes. FML

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Top comments

By ubbiejames | 0

#113844 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 21:00

#5, the only person he knew that was coming was himself.

By pommeblossom | 0

#39293 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 3:34

Why would you do that if people were coming?

Comments

By csigabajnok | 0

#289 - Thursday 5 February 2009 15:26

Where? In the garage?

Reply

carolinebeast | 0

#921767 - Sunday 7 March 2010 16:01

don't real estate agents tell you beforehand whenever they have people come over to your house? and you're supposed to LEAVE like at least half an hour before they come.

Reply

daniiica | 0

#984868 - Monday 26 April 2010 0:43

lol

Reply

JosephHiguera | 0

#1005053 - Monday 24 May 2010 7:22

Ha that's hilarious
in other news.
today, while selling a house to some potential buyers. I opened the Door, only to find the owner wanking in there. something tells me I'm not selling this house.FML

Reply

kurrri | 0

#1021962 - Monday 7 June 2010 0:20

This has to be fake.. and if not then ydi. You probably knew that they would be coming so you shouldn't have been doing it then..

Reply

nuggetFAIL | 0

#1274362 - Friday 20 August 2010 7:27

DID IT FEEL GOOD?

Reply

mis801 | 0

#2407192 - Tuesday 26 April 2011 4:39

that must feel good

Reply

Mr_Saikaly | 35

#2928677 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 9:04

#1 if you could read, you would be able to know that he was in the bedroom

Reply

Helped | 35

#5436454 - Friday 5 April 2013 21:53

I thought they did.

Reply

Helped | 35

#5436473 - Friday 5 April 2013 22:05

Lol'd

Reply

wchil | 14

#6294268 - Monday 18 May 2015 12:36

116 wtf is lol'd? laugh out louded?

Reply

xdafuze | 12

#6577189 - Saturday 9 April 2016 19:19

133 it means laughed out loud

By pommeblossom | 0

#39293 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 3:34

Why would you do that if people were coming?

Reply

thewhitelover3 | 9

#3489156 - Tuesday 25 October 2011 19:42

Maybe he didn't know people were coming that day

Reply

MyNameIsViet | 15

#4862420 - Sunday 26 August 2012 15:06

Well we know at least one person is coming. And it's not the real estate agent...

Reply

Helped | 35

#5436468 - Friday 5 April 2013 22:01

Cause people are stupid sometimes.

Reply

BadLuckGuy1 | 9

#5507990 - Sunday 26 May 2013 22:03

Cumming*

Reply

Cyrus00 | 41

#6532028 - Monday 8 February 2016 20:16

Danger wank.

By Shallow_Padentic | 0

#49382 - Sunday 22 March 2009 5:35

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

0RedPenguin0 | 8

#5086665 - Saturday 27 October 2012 6:56

Wow. I have honestly never heard "cunt" as a verb before

Reply

umyeahh | 13

#5213111 - Tuesday 4 December 2012 8:31

"cunting" ?

Reply

Helped | 35

#5436474 - Friday 5 April 2013 22:06

Simmer down, sir. :x

Reply

thecman25 | 14

#6140010 - Wednesday 10 December 2014 1:25

your buthurt is showing

Reply

tylercarolinex | 21

#6311632 - Friday 5 June 2015 19:30

cunting fuckface is one of the funniest verbs i have heard to this day.

Reply

mds9986 | 24

#6439616 - Tuesday 20 October 2015 1:17

.

By someone_else | 0

#54828 - Tuesday 24 March 2009 8:08

If you gotta do it, then you gotta do it.

Reply

justinoCardenas | 2

#6045429 - Saturday 23 August 2014 0:45

you are right

By xMooMoox | 0

#72664 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 18:17

When I went to look at a house years ago the woman was asleep in her bedroom. Apparently she worked nights. She had no idea we were inside her house! But honestly if your awake you should have heard people walking and talking around your house, I'm sure he was describing things.

Reply

Helped | 35

#5436548 - Friday 5 April 2013 23:35

I would keep my door locked...

Reply

Cyrus00 | 41

#6532030 - Monday 8 February 2016 20:18

Maybe he had porn on really loud?

Reply

NNOTCHO | 23

#6583590 - Tuesday 19 April 2016 15:55

They usually have a key

By JokestrMike89 | 0

#108763 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 0:03

Dude, flick the lock. haha. Sorry, man!

By ubbiejames | 0

#113844 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 21:00

#5, the only person he knew that was coming was himself.

Reply

Zandra | 0

#451699 - Monday 3 August 2009 1:22

WIN

Reply

Bloodbathandbeyo | 0

#991147 - Wednesday 12 May 2010 5:24

LOL

Reply

scoutzoey | 3

#2691549 - Thursday 16 June 2011 3:25

funny shit

Reply

freddyisepic | 2

#2727310 - Tuesday 21 June 2011 3:58

i added this fml to mh favorites bc of that comment

Reply

HoleyColey | 9

#5307239 - Thursday 3 January 2013 17:48

bahahahaha

Reply

Helped | 35

#5436466 - Friday 5 April 2013 21:59

hahaha. Cool.

Reply

JJ_86 | 22

#5964504 - Tuesday 3 June 2014 22:55

Hahaha. This comment made my day.

By courtgirl263 | 0

#117770 - Friday 17 April 2009 1:57

haaaa,. that sux!

By xDarkDeathx | 0

#134814 - Thursday 23 April 2009 2:35

HAHAHAHAHAH LMFAO

By derailed | 0

#150223 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 7:59

That's the Guest room...Over here is the Master Bateroom : 0

Reply

Jandude | 9

#975130 - Tuesday 6 April 2010 13:09

WIN