Intimacy: Today, I found out that the guy i've been having sex with for...

By ummPORQUE - United States

Today, I found out that the guy i've been having sex with for over a month didn't know my name until today. No wonder he always ever called me 'baby.' FML

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Intimacy

There's no helping some people

What did I do?

Make it work

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was kicked in the crotch. The girl who did it thought I was her ex-boyfriend. I'm a girl. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked out to my car to see four kids taking the hubcaps, radio, and license plates off of my truck. I chased them six blocks until I tripped and twisted my ankle. I limped back to my car and found a ticket on my windshield for $55 dollars. The reason? Missing license plates. FML

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By cjhgvb - Canada - Halifax

Today, I found out it is possible to get whiplash and a concussion from a tickle fight you have with your boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my drunk sister threw up on me while I was sleeping. FML

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By thanks, cunt-o - Australia - Blackburn

Today, my friends convinced me to go out clubbing with them for the first time. "You'll get some action", they said. The only action I got was some drunk bloke staggering into me and spraying me with vomit just minutes after arriving. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my husband put up one of those sticky fly trap strips behind our toilet. I was tired and didn't notice it in the dark bathroom. I leaned back and it stuck in my hair. I didn't notice the dead flies in my hair until I went to buy lunch. FML

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By Katyness - United Kingdom

Today, the canteen of the company I work for introduced a cash-less payment method to purchase food. To use it, employees must download the app, which is only available for iPhones. I have a BlackBerry. FML

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By Angry - United States

Today, I found a pair of women's underwear in the laundry that wasn't mine. I confronted my boyfriend about it. They were his. FML

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By lukey101 - 14/2/2021 18:30 - Australia

Casual something

Today, I went to the Asian Grocery. I politely smiled, bellowed, “Hello!” and kind of waved to the cashier as I walked in, to which he gave me a blank, scared-for-his-life kinda look. Turns out he was actually just another customer. FML

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555

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The vigil

Today, my boyfriend came to visit from another state. My mom didn't want me to go to his hotel and I did. When she asked about it, I lied to her and said I didn't go, and she showed me a Pic of my car outside his hotel... FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I walked into work on time, went into my office, sat down and turned on the computer. After working for about 4 hours, my wife called and told me to look at the clock on my computer. I put it off until after lunch, when I realized today is Sunday. FML

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By noname - France

Today, my wife, in her magnificent wedding dress, had her period during the ceremony. How did I find out? The same way everyone else did. FML

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By Abused - Australia

Practical

Today, my boyfriend used my love handles as ACTUAL love handles. FML

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By merrr - Canada

Today, I dropped my phone in the wet snow. I read that putting it in rice helps to get the water out. Three pieces of rice are now frozen into the power port, and I can't get the charger in. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cass Lake

Today, my boss told me I got my new job because she rejected candidates that seemed "too confident" or "too pretty." FML

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By drymouth - United States - Berkeley

Today, my boss brought us some small cakes from a recent trip to China. I opened mine and noticed a little foil packet wrapped with the cake, so I thought it was a powdered topping. I had a couple of bites before my coworker told me it was actually a desiccant to keep the cakes fresh. FML

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By brownunderwear - United States

Today, I took a poop that was three states of matter. Solid, liquid, and gas. FML

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27692

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I had to explain to my mother that it is inappropriate to hit on my boyfriend when his parents are over for dinner. FML

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35160

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By anonymous - United States - Yorktown Heights

Today, I accidentally hit someone's car while at the supermarket. I left a note, went shopping, and when I came back my windows were shattered, my tires were slashed and "f you" was written on my windshield. FML

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51475

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By Lovejunkie - United States

Today, after finalizing my divorce, I decided to go out with a guy I had been ogling for months, after much anticipation and a few rounds of drinks at the bar, I was ready to roll. Much to my disappointment, his penis was so small the condom wouldn't stay on. FML

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By really? - United States

Today, I got a notice from the housing association, if I don't water my lawn I will be charged a $150 fine. Yet if I do water my lawn the city with charge me a $150 fine because of the drought. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I spent thirty minutes in the shower trying to remove "Pierre", a face complete with moustache that my girlfriend drew in sharpie on the tip of my cock. FML

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By CatLitterLover - United States

Today, I dropped my Xanax. It wasn't until after I washed it down with some water that I realized it was still on the floor and I had actually swallowed a pebble of cat litter. FML

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By de-ow-dorant

Today, as I was putting on deodorant, I sneezed the hardest I've ever sneezed before. I ended up pulling a muscle in my shoulder. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/3/2021 15:30 - United States - Putney

Deadlines whooshing by

Today, my Computer Science professor posted an assignment that's due right before our Monday class… on Monday morning. I wouldn't have even thought to check for assignments this morning if he hadn't done the same thing last week. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I replied to a party invite. I thought I was only replying to the hostess, who's a close friend, so added a P. S. about a recent sex toy purchase I'd made and how rubbish it had been. I only realised after pressing "Send" that I'd selected "Reply All". FML

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By Kjer - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my family and I were visiting an aunt. While helping my aunt to set the table, my sister remarked that from behind I look exactly like her. I reflexively blurted out "well fuck you too". Very awkward silence. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bronx

Today, I got locked in my boyfriend's garage in my underwear while his parents ripped him a new one for having sex beneath their roof. His sister had to let me out. FML

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By OfCourse - United States

Today, I learned my 40 year old father is marrying a girl barely a year and a half older than me. She told me not to be afraid to call her mom. I was torn between punching her in the face and vomiting. FML

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By purpleskylight - United States - Lexington

Today, I tried for 45 minutes to convince my psychiatrist to take me off my antidepressant. When he finally agreed to do so, I broke down into tears and sobbed uncontrollably for 10 minutes. Hello, increased prescription. FML

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By Anoniem - Netherlands

Today, my two co-workers got the promotion we were all working for. The reason they got the promotion and not me? My interview got cancelled because of a policy change, implemented that day. FML

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By MaddyN - United States - Forest Grove

Today, I almost got fired from work because a customer complained that I "threw up gang signs" at him. I was blocking the sun from my eyes. FML

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By takingthebus - United States

Today, my boyfriend got pulled over and arrested for driving with a suspended license. Instead of getting my car impounded, his friend thought he'd do me a favor and drive it back to me. He doesn't know how to drive stick and blew my engine. My boyfriend is in jail and I no longer have a car. FML

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By Sexting Parents - United States - Short Hills

Nice view

Today, my dad asked me to send my mom a text since he was driving and I was in the passenger seat. I pulled up my mom's contact on his phone, and I found that my mom had recently sent my dad a picture of her jugs, along with the message, "We miss you." FML

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By mile high clubber - United States - Bensalem

Today, while on the airplane, the cute girl next to me and I instantly hit it off. When I excused myself to the bathroom, I must have given her the wrong impression. She wanted to join the mile high club; I just wanted to take a crap. FML

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By Sofi

Today, I canceled going to a party with my sisters because I had a secret plan to have a threesome. They left for the party, but soon returned thinking it would be no fun without me. By then we were already making a lot of indecent noise. They heard it all. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the office tough guy learned how to use the fire extinguisher. On me. I wasn't on fire. FML

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By killmenow - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex while his parents were out. They came home early, ran upstairs and knocked on the door. Scrambling to find our clothes, we gave up and just hid under the blankets. They barge in, drunk and laughing, and tried ripping the covers off. FML

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By maddie - 15/5/2020 05:00

Gross

Today, while I was working the drive-thru window, a customer sneezed into his hand and then handed me his money. FML

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By KJL - United States

Today, I found my husband Googling Morse Code. He thinks his farts are trying to communicate with him. FML

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Top comments

By boatiebanter | 0

#177877 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:02

How have you not noticed sooner? If he's just a fuck buddy I'm not sure you can expect much more.

By jackie27 | 0

#177872 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:02

hahaha, no formal introduction?

COMMENTS

By jackie27 | 0

#177872 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:02

hahaha, no formal introduction?

kevin27_fml | 3

#963461 - Friday 19 March 2010 1:53

why do it with a guy tht doesn't know ur name?!

By boatiebanter | 0

#177877 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:02

How have you not noticed sooner? If he's just a fuck buddy I'm not sure you can expect much more.

Horsempeg | 25

#5510912 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 23:16

Right. If you are banging someone wouldn't you at least have to see them outside? Definetly deserved.

By marshallal | 0

#177878 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:02

How exactly did that happen?

ccc01 | 1

#832409 - Sunday 7 February 2010 6:31

ADD I can't remember names for the life of me. took me 3 months to remember my best friend's name.

By AustenT | 0

#177884 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:03

Whore.

By BrannFYR | 0

#177890 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:04

rofl, was it good sex at least?

YDI

By gun7runner | 5

#177894 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:04

haha, success! from the guy's point of view at least...I had sex with a girl for 1.5 months and never knew her last name...not quite as hilarious, but still funny

By Slayer_fml | 0

#177895 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:04

Dude, have a fuck buddy if you want, but come on - if you haven't noticed until after a month, this isn't an FML, it's your life choice.

By kristenlee | 3

#177899 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:05

YDI for having a forgettable name.

By rachael100 | 0

#177900 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:06

How is that possible.. im sure he had you on facebook or something..

By FBIWarning | 0

#177902 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:06

well did you tell him your name?