Intimacy: Today, I found out that the guy i've been having sex with for...

By ummPORQUE - United States

Today, I found out that the guy i've been having sex with for over a month didn't know my name until today. No wonder he always ever called me 'baby.' FML

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Intimacy

Sorry…

Freak out

One law for me…

By Anonymous - Japan

Today, I was in a store using the only bathroom there. After I was done, I realized I couldn't open the door. Panicked it locked me in, I banged on the door, and screamed for help. The security and a whole group of people gathered, only to find that I was pulling the door instead of pushing it. FML

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By Embarrassed - United States - Gloucester

Today, I was playing Charades with my boyfriend's family. When it was his turn, he pointed at me. His mother said "Bitch?" The answer was "relationship". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Saddle River

Today, instead of canceling for the third consecutive time due to work-related reasons, my boyfriend sent his twin brother on our date. They both thought I wouldn't notice. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, I came home to my mentally unhinged roommate jacking off to a frozen TV frame of Peggy Hill from King of the Hill. When he saw me, he threw an ash tray at me and told me to get out. FML

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By NittanyMangini - United States

Today, I was taking a biology final and was just randomly tapping my pencil. My teacher thought I was somehow communicating with the person next to me, and decided to fail me. FML

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By thatsnotacat - Australia - West End

Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML

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By Jumanji - France

Today, I opened my laptop in the train to watch a good film I had downloaded. Of course, it was a fake and the whole carriage was allowed to watch and hear five seconds of butt licking. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2020 17:01

Birthday blues

Today, I turned 39 and I finally had my very first surprise birthday party. It was held by a group of video game animals in Animal Crossing instead of by real people, because I'm not important enough to them to remember my birthday without Facebook's intervention. FML

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By Noname - Canada

Today, I told my boyfriend that I was afraid our future children would be fat and ugly. He reassured me, saying that he was sure our spawn would take on after him. FML

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By gold3nshow3r - United States - Roanoke

Today, I woke up to a strange wetness covering my body. My drunk roommate's urine. FML

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By nick - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to go on a diet to lose some weight before summer. This was followed by the arrival of a giant parcel full of candy from my mother. FML

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By satega - United States - Smithville

Today, I asked my manager if wearing makeup was a requirement for the job. She told me, "Not if you're naturally pretty... So for you, yes". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at my new job, I took some food out to a customer. Walking away, I heard a lady mumble, "Oh my God, you could never pay me enough to wear that." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my best friend's mom doesn't wear pyjamas when I got up to go get a glass of water in the middle of the night, at the same time she did. FML

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27978

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By BaconLover - Japan

Today, my girlfriend asked me if I could love anything more than her, and if so, what. I guess "bacon" was the wrong answer. FML

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By Anonymoose - Switzerland

Today, I stayed up until 4 am. I was waiting for both my cats to fall asleep, so I could play Santa and stuff their stockings in secret. FML

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By Harmonia - France

Today, I went shopping with my boyfriend. He tried on a pair of trousers which didn't fit, so he asked me to change them, so off I go. I then return with another pair for him to try on, and find him bent over and blurt out "What the hell's that terrible underwear?". The man turns around, revealing that I'd entered the wrong changing room. FML

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By anon - United States - Pleasantville

Today, one of my coworkers asked if I hated my life and was depressed because of how I look most of the time. This is just my facial expression. FML

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By Scarlett - United States

Today, my husband got out of the shower, came downstairs naked screaming ''EMBRACE THE HARDNESS!!'' Little did he know, my step mother was sitting right there at the kitchen table. FML

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By Anonymous

You snooze, you lose

Today, I got turned down by the person who has been wanting to date me for five months. FML

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By Yupppp. - United States - Flushing

Today, my new boyfriend with whom I'm completely smitten called me and told me he had an early Valentine's Day gift for me. Gonorrhea. FML

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By CrappyValentine - Netherlands

Today, I tried convincing my Valentine-hating boyfriend to send me a card, by explaining how important it is to me. He finally agreed and sent me a card. I opened it up, and it wished me 'harmony and well-being on Lupercalia'. What is Lupercalia? It's an ancient Roman festival where men run down the street naked, whipping people with goat skins to encourage fertility. FML

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By well fuck!

Today, I was grocery shopping with my kids. As I was buckling them into their car seats, two men jumped out of a truck, hoisted my cart and sped off. According to security, this has become a regular occurrence at the store. My entire month of groceries gone in seconds. FML

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By SplishSplash - United States

Today, we went boating with friends. For some reason the bottom of our tube deflated, causing me to be bounced roughly up and down on the water. As a result, I had the most intense orgasm of my entire life, while sitting 2 inches away from my dad's friend. He definitely noticed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friends are going to see "The Social Network". They talked about it all through dinner, even though I was sitting right there and I hadn't been invited. When I asked about it, one of them said, "You wouldn't be interested", presumably because I don't use Facebook. He doesn't either. FML

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By Ava K - United States - San Diego

Unnecessary

Today, my mom and I were looking at dresses for me at the mall. The cashier pointed out a dress, and my mom said, "She's definitely not going to fit into that. She's too flat-chested." FML

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By anti-drugs - United Kingdom

Today, my mum accused me of doing heroin because some teaspoons had gone missing. FML

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By ko

Today, my boyfriend told me he'd come over and help me move a heavy dresser so I could paint the wall behind it. After an hour of waiting for him, I decided to move it myself. He finally arrived, not ten minutes after I broke my toe when I accidentally dropped the dresser on it. FML

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By Spooderman - United States

Today, my son wanted to be Spiderman. He found the biggest spider he could outside and let it bite his hand. He's staying overnight in the hospital. FML

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By Masonlee89 - United States

Today, it was supposed to be payday. Instead, it was the day I found out that, for two weeks, I have been volunteering for Habitat for Humanity, and am not actually employed by a construction company. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/10/2020 17:01

Creepy idea, dude

Today, I finally found a way to lesser the loneliness in my life. During at least one work or school zoom meeting a day, I "pin" a random female attendee's screen. That way, I can pretend we're staring into each others eyes the whole time. FML

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By liynda - Canada

Today, I knocked on the door of the bathroom to make sure nobody was in there before I walked in. Then I remembered I live alone. FML

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Not mine!

Today, my girlfriend wished me a happy birthday. Too bad my birthday isn't for 5 months. She mixed up my birthday with the guy she's been cheating on me with. FML

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By Canada20 - Canada - Windsor

The Passion of the Christ

Today, while helping at my grandma's church, the new Orthodox Priest encouraged me to come to confession because he was sure I would have "a lot of stories to tell" and finished by seductively winking at me. FML

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By Anonymous - India - Tuticorin

Today, my fiancé and his family accused me of being with him only because he's rich, refusing to go ahead with the wedding. I accepted his marriage proposal 4 years ago, when he was penniless and unemployed. FML

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By misc - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 8 months dumped me over the phone in between telling the Subway employees what he wanted on his sandwich. FML

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By jaymaag25 - United States - Saint Joseph

Today, it seems like everyone in my family knew about my boyfriend's new engagement, all except me. FML

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By needsomelove - France

Running gag

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex. Foreplay was amazing, but as soon as he started to get it in, he lost his erection because he was too nervous. He's a 30-year-old virgin and this has happened at least 10 times. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Elkhart

Today, I made a nursing home resident laugh so hard that he had a heart attack. FML

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By soontobesingle - United States - Chicago

Today, I found out that my gorgeous, smart, perfect new boyfriend has an unusual fetish. It doesn't involve me at all actually. Just a Labrador. This is probably a deal breaker. FML

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Top comments

By boatiebanter | 0

#177877 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:02

How have you not noticed sooner? If he's just a fuck buddy I'm not sure you can expect much more.

By jackie27 | 0

#177872 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:02

hahaha, no formal introduction?

COMMENTS

By jackie27 | 0

#177872 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:02

hahaha, no formal introduction?

kevin27_fml | 3

#963461 - Friday 19 March 2010 1:53

why do it with a guy tht doesn't know ur name?!

By boatiebanter | 0

#177877 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:02

How have you not noticed sooner? If he's just a fuck buddy I'm not sure you can expect much more.

Horsempeg | 25

#5510912 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 23:16

Right. If you are banging someone wouldn't you at least have to see them outside? Definetly deserved.

By marshallal | 0

#177878 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:02

How exactly did that happen?

ccc01 | 1

#832409 - Sunday 7 February 2010 6:31

ADD I can't remember names for the life of me. took me 3 months to remember my best friend's name.

By AustenT | 0

#177884 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:03

Whore.

By BrannFYR | 0

#177890 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:04

rofl, was it good sex at least?

YDI

By gun7runner | 5

#177894 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:04

haha, success! from the guy's point of view at least...I had sex with a girl for 1.5 months and never knew her last name...not quite as hilarious, but still funny

By Slayer_fml | 0

#177895 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:04

Dude, have a fuck buddy if you want, but come on - if you haven't noticed until after a month, this isn't an FML, it's your life choice.

By kristenlee | 3

#177899 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:05

YDI for having a forgettable name.

By rachael100 | 0

#177900 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:06

How is that possible.. im sure he had you on facebook or something..

By FBIWarning | 0

#177902 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:06

well did you tell him your name?