Health: Today, I used my hair straightener to attempt to straighten my...

By sadcase - 12/04/2011 14:01 - Australia

Today, I used my hair straightener to attempt to straighten my eyelashes and burned my eyelid. I don't know what's sadder, that fact I thought it would be fun, or that I was stupid enough to think I wouldn't hurt myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 239

You deserved it 138 618

Health

Good kid

Scarcity

Operation time!

By Anonymous - 16/02/2011 15:47 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend told me she was bored. During sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 819

You deserved it 22 601

Young body, old soul

By lily - 12/04/2021 23:00

Today, I was diagnosed with gout. I’m 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 118

By Anonymous - 02/10/2018 03:00

Today, at 3am, my boyfriend's phone notifications kept going off. I attempted to wake him up, but he didn't budge. When I went to silence it, I saw his Ashley Madison notification, followed by Tinder, Zoosk, and Plenty of Fish. We've been monogamous over a year... or so I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 141

You deserved it 291

By Sam - 03/02/2012 04:00 - Canada

Today, I got punched by a man for making fun of his stutter. I didn't. I stutter too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 458

You deserved it 2 647

By mean mommy - 16/07/2019 12:30

Today, I was hosting a slumber party for my daughter, but I ended it abruptly and demanded that every child be picked up. Several pissed off parents and a sobbing daughter later, I’m the most hated. I made them leave after 2 of the girls bragged about losing their virginity. They’re 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 614

You deserved it 2 105

By anonymous - 19/11/2016 18:35 - Canada - New Westminster

Today, I was eating lunch on my first date with a really pretty girl, when my ex shows up at the same restaurant and starts telling her how bad of a boyfriend I was. My date left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 301

You deserved it 1 465

By Anonymous - 16/11/2009 21:54 - United States

Today, after being turned away by nearly all the restaurants in the area, I tried applying at Burger King. They too turned me away. I have a Culinary School Degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 329

You deserved it 3 096

By Anonymous - 20/03/2013 02:52 - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, my sink seemed to be filling up with dirty water. Concerned, I turned on the garbage disposal and plunged away. With no change in the water levels, I called a plumber. He reached in, pulled out the drain plug, and give me his bill while chuckling to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 072

You deserved it 45 073

By Anonymous - 11/10/2015 04:20 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my son told me that he doesn't need to go to school because he doesn't need a job. It turns out he plans to get a life sentence in prison and live the rest of his life at the taxpayers' expense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 195

You deserved it 3 757

That's kinda sweet

By rond9 - 06/06/2021 04:01

Today, after spending the night with my girlfriend for the first time, I discovered why she would always want to rush home after dinner dates. Her stomach gurgles so loudly after eating, I can hear it in the next room over, with the TV on. This apparently happens no matter what she eats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 104

By liveforpeace_ - 28/04/2009 06:27 - Canada

Today, I went up to a secluded mountain my boyfriend took me to for our first date. As I saw another couple hooking up in the bushes, I phoned my boyfriend to tell him someone found our secret spot. His Bob Marley ringtone started playing from the bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 234 834

You deserved it 13 536

By Noname - 05/03/2009 02:18 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend to a very nice restaurant. I thought it would be a good place to pop the question. I gave the ring to the waiter and asked him to put it on her dessert plate. When she saw it she picked it up, put it down and said "no". Then she started to eat the dessert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 709

You deserved it 5 406

By Not Mrs Soprano - 08/07/2013 11:57 - United States - Irvington

Today, my husband's recent obsession with The Sopranos since James Gandolfini died went a step further into the ridiculous, when he tried to encourage some ducks to land in our swimming pool by throwing loaves of bread into it, while bellowing at them with a 'Noo Joisey' Wise Guy accent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 004

You deserved it 3 536

Thanks, I hate it

By Matt L. - 30/07/2020 14:02

Today, my car insurance called about "the car I hit" on Monday night. Monday, I'd gone to the girl I’ve been seeing for a month's house for chicken parm and to meet her parents. I parked on the street. Her dad ran into the back of my car, leaving a dent. I never got the chicken parm either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 691

You deserved it 125

By Anonymous - 15/07/2015 15:40 - Canada - Port-menier

Today, I found out my mom recently stopped taking her medication. I came home to find she'd shot my dog because she thought he was possessed by the devil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 594

You deserved it 2 174

By Anonymous - 15/07/2018 01:30

Today, I got a once-in-a-lifetime chance to see Hamilton. My friend kept complaining and asking very loudly why it was "just about that one guy". We got kicked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 724

You deserved it 431

By Anonymous - 18/06/2011 01:26 - Israel

Today, I'm sat at home alone on a Friday night, watching a documentary online about decomposing elephants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 793

You deserved it 10 280

But was he cute though?

By Leah Truncale - 24/11/2020 13:58 - United States - Petaluma

Today, I met a boy on Snapchat. I sent him my picture and he said I was cute. We talked for a bit, and I said, "Okay" to something. Then he sent his picture, but my slow Wi-Fi made it look like I said okay to his picture, right after he'd called me cute. I tried to explain, but he said I was just trying to be nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 119

By throwinguptears - 02/11/2016 14:30 - United States - Marlborough

Today, after $87, waiting five months and making sure everything was perfect, I was ready to go see my favorite comedian live. I got the flu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 960

You deserved it 1 267

Superficial

By skinnybitch - 08/09/2019 14:00

Today, my Tinder date took one look at me and left, because, "the camera" made me "look thick" and he, "can’t date a skinny bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 646

You deserved it 197

By Kelavmeister - 17/04/2009 01:16 - United States

Today, I was driving home from school, when I saw this girl I like walking home. Trying to be polite, I pulled over and asked if she wanted a ride. After my offer, I was rejected as she said "No, I'm actually already home," and walked up the nearest driveway... MY driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 042

You deserved it 6 963

By sandiego - 22/02/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, while eating at an outdoor café, a man on the street came up to me and said, "My girlfriend is sexier than you, bitch." Thanks for the confidence boost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 755

You deserved it 2 811

By Funnymann - 22/01/2010 20:51 - United States

Today, I woke up with my face sharpied. I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 338

You deserved it 3 877

By Manstobe92 - 16/11/2009 07:32 - United States

Today, I went to pick my date up at her house. When I got to the door, her dad answered. We talked for a little bit and he told me to take his 1958 Corvette. I politely refused and he told me, "If I can trust you with my daughter, I can trust you with my car." I crashed into his mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 610

You deserved it 40 092

By anonymous22kittylicklick - 20/08/2011 04:44 - United States

Today, I was at Target deciding what chap-stick to get when an old lady violently hit me with her umbrella and kept yelling at me saying, "You are too young for this! Think twice!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 401

You deserved it 2 833

By michellemoyah - 25/02/2012 05:04 - United States

Today, I went to a dance with the boy I like. To my delight, he tried to pick me up. To my dismay, he couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 311

You deserved it 6 875

By glam300 - 30/12/2010 18:21 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend commented on my short skirt and, thinking she was being funny, tried to pull it down. I quickly moved away, causing it to come off in her hands. My shocked scream attracted the attention of at least a dozen bystanders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 425

You deserved it 7 669

By maturity - 08/04/2013 00:30 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 970

You deserved it 64 133

By Tony - 09/03/2009 21:02 - United States

Today, I was talking to my mom about who I wanted to ask to prom. I told her the names of the girls I was thinking of asking and she replied, "They'll say no, but you can always go with one of your cousins." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 154

You deserved it 3 278

Anxious

By DamnTornadoAlley - 30/08/2012 05:55 - United States - Wichita Falls

Today, I had to force myself to take a dump at school, even though I have severe restroom anxiety and shyness. I had finally relaxed enough to go when the tornado drills went off mid-dump, and 46 students and teachers packed into the bathroom with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 035

You deserved it 2 684

By Earplugged - 25/01/2015 05:01 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I have to wear earplugs in my own apartment because my neighbor won't turn down his music. My landlord doesn't believe me because "people with disabilities can't be rude." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 618

You deserved it 2 145

Sorry Stuart…

By connor1701 - 27/02/2017 20:00

Today, I went to put my coat on to go out. I put my hand in my pocket, not knowing there was a mouse sleeping in there. I squeezed it, it bit me and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 308

You deserved it 628

By hcditfi5foygy - 23/07/2018 19:04

Today, my crush confessed their love for me, and I happily told them that I felt the same way. They looked uncomfortable, so I asked why. Apparently they'd been paid to prank me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 401

You deserved it 260

By Oh dear - 05/07/2012 22:15 - Saint Vincent and the Grenadines - Kingstown

Today, I was taking a dump at a public restroom. As I reached over to grab the toilet paper, I realized someone had peed on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 549

You deserved it 2 718

By everyoneheard - 28/03/2013 15:11 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and my boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, "Babe, you took his drink." My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, "Whatever, I took her virginity." FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 933

You deserved it 18 166

Leave us alone!

By J.. - 27/04/2021 17:01

Today, I've been receiving a lot of calls from my telephone company, offering combo packages with internet, Netflix, Disney+ and whatever the fuck. We had previously resigned from their services, because the company never had the intention of fixing an outage that was caused BY THE SAME COMPANY. FML

I agree, your life sucks 749

You deserved it 54

By Anonymous - 04/07/2015 03:41 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I had to lie to my coworkers about me and some guy beating the absolute shite out of each other in a bar fight, all to avoid admitting my black eye was from my 7 year old son punching me in the face the other day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 094

You deserved it 6 456

By Anonymous - 07/08/2018 04:43

Today, my boss asked me to talk to the HR manager to see if I was happy about my pay, which made me think I was going to get a raise. Turns out they paid me nearly twice as much as they should have for the last 2 years and I owe them over €5000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 128

You deserved it 195

By goingnowherefast - 09/02/2013 00:19 - United States - Butler

Today, after three and a half years of working dead-end jobs with a bachelor's degree, I got a call from a potential employer in my degree field, who wanted to set up an interview. The problem: the interview is across the country, and I'm too broke to pay the travel expenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 681

You deserved it 2 565

By misi - 22/06/2019 16:00

Today, my mother threw a fit because the psychologist she got me suggested I visit a psychiatrist. Apparently, it's my fault because I "choose" to be so "crazy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 644

You deserved it 113

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Top comments

CathyCraaazy 8

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 19:22

Painful .. but YDI for trying to straighten your eyelashes! For FUN?

amerwin 3

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 19:23

Try your pubes next.

CathyCraaazy 8

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 19:22

Painful .. but YDI for trying to straighten your eyelashes! For FUN?

DropDead77 11

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 19:29

ydi! there's no reason to straighten your eyelashes!?

kaylanicole1255 1

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 20:05

YDI. What sane person does this!?? If you had thought this through you would have realized how stupid it was. Ofcourse your gonna get burnt! No matter how small your straightner is, your eye lashes are 100 times smaller! Im in shock at how much of a YDI you are!

cmyk 19

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 20:22

op. you are so very much an complet idiot. seriously. i hope you don't breed.

ScaughtieHolden 11

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 20:31

Nah, maybe she has curly eyelashes. xD

Tuesdays76 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 20:31

I thought everybody straightens their eyelashes!

layz_fml 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 20:37

YDI! How stupid, next time use mascara or something if you want nice eyelashes xD

Jrefinne 7

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 20:53

I wasn't under the impression that eyelashes were curly or frizzy.

BelleElle_fml 5

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 20:53

OP, you're one of those idiots who drinks Red Bull then jumps down from a second-story window to see if the wings worked, aren't you? YDI.

Allstarr23 1

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 20:54

Please don't have children

CheckMyProfile 17

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 20:57

I'm wondering how long are OP's eyelashes! O.o

yuggi1 11

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 21:14

I heard of eyelash curler but not straightener. o.O But then again I'm 94 years old!!!

MrsxBillxKaulitz 5

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 21:25

I curl my lashes. I wouldn't ever straightened them. o_O

EvilPotato 14

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 21:32

OP gives a whole new meaning to stupid I have to make a word up now,Øk, i got one lintzpinkton

itskeilibaybeex 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 22:00

yeah ikr i permed mine so i dont have to straighten them

CitrusGirl 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 22:03

Silly silly... You need to buy an eyelash straightener.

aavatar10 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 22:19

That's more dumb than me straightening my hair with an iron.

esu 5

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 22:58

c'mon op straightening your lashes is definitely a no go

livy0611 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 23:50

haha

MissBrainDamage 0

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 0:27

How much fucking crack were you smoking?! YDI

Finn_the_human 5

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 1:14

This has serious educational value!

Ihatethesenames 0

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 1:36

I always wondered if u could take it

Kittehx3 0

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 2:22

annnndyyyyy 6:D

josiej0j0 0

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 4:20

that's freakin hilarious!!

legitasaurusrex 0

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 4:24

I just had the strangest impulse to go and try this. I guess I shouldn't, though.

agentx52 13

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 5:10

OP...don't reproduce.

AmericanGirl69 0

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 6:14

there's a reason why mascara was invented.

chellexx 0

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 7:15

[email protected] I also had that thought even tho I know how dumb that would be

luckielucyy 0

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 7:43

Indeed! ^_^

isaidwhat 0

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 12:36

I agree, retard! this is the kind if people I would know...Shame:(

catatonicsleep 17

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 15:56

that was very dangerous and stupid, you could have blinded yourself OP

dasilva777 0

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Friday 15 April 2011 3:31

^haha too funny

lolmyendoff456 7

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Saturday 16 April 2011 22:20

WTF what was going through ur head???

Quxxxxd 0

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Saturday 16 April 2011 22:49

Haha :D whats YDI by the way?

CathyCraaazy 8

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Sunday 17 April 2011 14:21

YDI = You Deserved It :)

pancakesrock 7

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Monday 16 June 2014 7:19

HOW LONG ARE HER EYELASHES

cloudy01 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 19:23

lol

LunaNstars 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 22:25

this is the stupidest FML i've ever read! it's shocking. :O

chester75 5

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 23:55

this FML is completely absurd,NOBODY is this stupid except maybe docbasterd hahaha.

tulsafml 0

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 2:00

^ speaking of Hank hill it seems like op is a dumbass

lilobennett 0

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 2:23

omg why would you even need to straighten you eye lashes? YDI!

hobojo11 0

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 5:26

wtf unles you have 4 inch eyelashes uhh ya wtf

tsim_fml 0

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 7:06

i think its sadder that you think this is an FML. i mean ya it sucks but thats wat happens when u have fun..... its life bruh

sieera00 8

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Sunday 18 September 2011 21:17

Wow ur a dumbass

amerwin 3

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 19:23

Try your pubes next.

sterlingarcher 1

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 19:54

haha wow that's a little weird.. lol anyways ydi for being a dumbass and trying to straighten your eyelashes.. seriously come on who does that?

BellyDancinCheer 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 19:57

3-haha i agree! OP was already stupid enufff!

alex1432 9

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 20:05

Good idea 3

flamegrilled123 3

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 22:25

hopefully, it will mean that he/she doesn't reproduce and make retard babies

ImaWiseGuy 5

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 22:50

I agree 141 ^^ please do not contaminate this planet with your retarded seed, your parents have already weakened the gene pool enough......

Pinklady1_fml 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 23:19

hahah your funny #3

Ohmygiluvcookies 0

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 1:57

OP must be a SMER

Ohmygiluvcookies 0

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 1:57

OP must be a SMER

autezz24680 2

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 4:18

201, what's a SMER????

staceysgenesis16 0

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 5:39

haha hmm wat a great idea.. why dont you try it and tell us all how well it works! lolol

albertafootball 0

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 6:50

ya exactly what I was thinkin

thefujimanlives 4

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 13:59

lmfao !!!!!!! AGREED!!!!!!!

damselchelle 4

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 17:58

no.

raesos91 26

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Monday 4 February 2013 18:56

don't forget the ass hair xD

thatguynamedsky 32

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Tuesday 21 April 2015 1:07

HERPPERPITOOTILYDERP HAPPY 4/20 BISHESSSSS

thatonename 7

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 19:24

you said it yourself, that was pretty stupid.... YTDI

Skittlesbaby 7

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 20:41

I agree. at what point did you decide it was a good idea?

eezypeezylifeisb 0

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 3:55

Today I decided to be a complete moron.. oh no wait... thats everyday.

autezz24680 2

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 4:16

omg the OP is so stupid! why would you straighten your eye lashes? YDI.

BellyDancinCheer 0

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 17:02

actually id have to say FYL, bcuz OP's life is obvi fuckedd

LaurennEllee 1

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 19:25

WTF why would you even use a hair straightener?!?! YDI

DeviousAngel 13

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 6:04

Why not?

Hello_kitty_love_fml 0

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 7:06

OP likes to try different things, of course!

capitalone 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 19:25

you want straight eyelashes?

lindsaylu98 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 21:38

i like your abbs!! ;p

tmmundy 17

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 5:08

lmao # 114, there probably spray on abs. or not even his real pic. haha.

jupiter80 0

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 5:29

254- ur just probably jealous

staceysgenesis16 0

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 5:41

lmao abbs

sydneybatch 4

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 5:52

agree(:

DeviousAngel 13

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 6:07

Yeah, I was almost positive that most girls wanted eyelashes that CURLED nicely, not straightened. Almost positive.

capitalone 0

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 6:43

ahha thanks? :)

FreakenJewtastic 0

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 7:02

And I want you to put some pants on, number 6.

lookcutelivedirt 0

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Thursday 14 April 2011 1:45

when did this fml become about his abs. there just abs

No_LoveMM 3

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 19:25

Next time straighten your nose hairs. Guys dig that.

kyanisaurus 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 20:16

damn right

soccerlvr27 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 21:50

winning(: lmao

SchiTzenGiglez 0

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 13:01

win

nerdsgetmehot 22

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 19:26

Your stupidity amazes me.

patric14 0

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 3:44

WTF 102 FMLs and only 1 confirmed is your life full of FML every day??? and u look like ur 16 just saying!

nerdsgetmehot 22

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 3:49

#229 The FMLs I submitted are all just the same 6 or 7 FMLs, submitted multiple times (but re-worded). You can submit the same FML more than once. And yeah, I look young. So what? It just means that I'll still look young when I'm older...And that will be a good thing. :)