Today, my wife woke me up by giving my erect penis a Chinese burn. FML
By
poo4brains
- New Zealand - Christchurch
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By
Nanobytez
| 5
I'm in Ohio and we call it Pain.
By
bellaxmonkeyx_fml
| 8
3) A Chinese burn (also referred to as an Indian burn or other burn related name depending on the locale) is the act of placing one's hands on a piece of someone's anatomy and twisting in opposite directions while applying pressure. It's usually done on the wrist of the aforementioned unlucky victim.
COMMENTS
By
ChloeG_fml
| 9
How sweet of her! Lol
Reply
ExManiac
| 1
Depends.. Was there sweet and sour sauce involved?
Reply
AugustBurnsToast
| 14
'How can I wake him up in a way that involves his penis?...Oh perfect!' lol yes what a pleasant wife he has.
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9) She was clearly just in need of sweet and sour sauce and took matters into her own hands. What, too soon? (:
Reply
ExManiac
| 1
I approve.
Reply
Rachel1987
| 4
I was thinking she's less sweet and more sour.
Reply
AwkwardPartyBear
| 24
Or she is simply a Sour Patch Kid.
Reply
xoconnie
| 8
wait why would she do that..
Reply
smartassking
| 0
Cool , cooking lessons :D
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iceman420son
| 7
No that girl would be his mom
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iceman420son
| 7
#93
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kyarush
| 10
With her mouth? Giggity
By
laurensauren
| 9
Sounds like you picked a keeper.
Reply
Climaxx
| 11
Maybe if she kissed it better! Or tho, in this situation I don't think that would have helped :|
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VictoriaSchultz
| 8
Atleast she's still interested in his man hood
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Feared
| 9
That's when you reach over and do it to her boobs.
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BABYPUNCHINGGUY
| 0
Or as I like to call it OP, a handjob gone bad.
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shadow10262000
| 7
you like to call it this because it happens all the time to you or as you do it to others a lot.
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jab7769
| 8
Put Ben gay on her clit and tell her pay backs a bitch.
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kshafer08
| 7
I'd put her back to sleep with a choke hold.
Reply
Pudagiah
| 12
Am I the only one who thought it was strange for OP to have an erection while sleeping? I mean, yes, wet dreams, but if OP has a wife he's probably past his pubescent years.
Sorry, I'm a girl. I don't know about this stuff.
Sorry, I'm a girl. I don't know about this stuff.
Reply
BABYPUNCHINGGUY
| 0
119 you were closer on the first one my penis now looks like a snake thats been ran iver multiple times by a gan of rednecks in their truck
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Sketchisan
| 27
@221 There's this phenomenon called "morning wood". Most men experience it. Something to do with a full bladder in the mornings. I would look it up.
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bigboy4676
| 1
Your retarded. You would just take it. Ya huge pussy.
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Randomfalla
| 4
Stfu bitch
By
CcShh
| 4
What's a Chinese burn? :s
Reply
CheckItOutItsYou
| 7
Something no man needs to experience.
Reply
3) A Chinese burn (also referred to as an Indian burn or other burn related name depending on the locale) is the act of placing one's hands on a piece of someone's anatomy and twisting in opposite directions while applying pressure. It's usually done on the wrist of the aforementioned unlucky victim.
Reply
Headcrab
| 29
Ha, we call that a snake bite over here. And that sounds painful btw, on your wang.
Reply
chatoyant_fml
| 12
Thousand eels in Sweden HA
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marinus_fml
| 19
Camel bite in Australia :p
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parsonova
| 1
Isn't it supposed to be thousand needles in Swedish? Tusen nålar. That makes more sense to me...
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Sidel
| 11
47 and 66: it is thousand needles. Thousand eels makes no sense.
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Pudagiah
| 12
I'm Australian and I call it a Chinese burn!
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Jennielee
| 6
I'm in Florida we call it Indian burn
Reply
Nanobytez
| 5
I'm in Ohio and we call it Pain.
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Eila1996
| 5
Same here!
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cBlackout
| 13
In Cali its Indian Burn. At least in San Diego, anyway.
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illoveyouu435
| 0
I'm Australian and I've always called it a Chinese burn. :)
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Llama_Face89
| 33
Call it an Indian Sunburn where I am
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PussyPredator
| 6
Leave it to the Americans to start talking about what each individual state calls it.
Reply
shadow10262000
| 7
what a retard
Reply
M_Rainbow
| 7
I'm Chinese ,but I don't know what it is.
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Michaelsgirl04
| 9
leave it to a foreigner to make a stereotypical statement about americans
Reply
chatoyant_fml
| 12
Yeah ofc it's thousand needles, don't know what's up with my head today
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maximusvas
| 0
Same in sac
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ClassyCommando
| 13
In my primary school in London we used to call it "Indian Burn" when you twist opposite ways and "Chinese Burn" when you twist both hands in the same direction. Yeah...we like to overcomplicate shit in England.
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whattheforkdude
| 0
In Washington, we call it Chinese burn.
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nunes36
| 20
From south Africa. And here we call it a donkey bite:P
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ClassyCommando
| 13
121 - Yeah, because Americans never make stereotypical comments about other countries, right? Anyway, I'm gonna go ride my polar bear to the Tim Horton's drive through to get some maple syrup to decorate my igloo :)
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DoctorWhooves13
| 5
I love your pic!!
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Michaelsgirl04
| 9
134: I see the irony in my comment escaped you. I was making a stereotypical statement about foreigners making stereotypical statements about americans. it's a vicious cycle really
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ClassyCommando
| 13
I know, I just felt like making an igloo joke. Leave it to an American to think foreigners are fucking idi- Wait! This is what got me into this mess in the first place!
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Seh971
| 5
In Colorado we call it an Indian burn haha
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MizzErikaHart
| 8
To: Person who said "snake bite", where r u from? Just curious. My stepdad called them snake bites but I never heard anyone else call it that before til now..
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Yorih
| 19
114 - what, did you want to leave it to the British to name what its called iin each different state?
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jester613
| 2
Thats because some of our states are as big as some of your countries.
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In Ottawa it's an Indian SUNburn :)
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thebeautybleeds
| 17
I'm in Manitoba and no one calls it the same thing.
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cherish0809
| 11
Indian rug-burn in South Jersey
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jonn090
| 13
Snake bite in nyc
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motherlovahh
| 7
Yes it is.
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car8o8line
| 5
Illinois and we call it an Indian burn
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afropuffjake
| 9
I live in the Coachella Valley (SoCal) we also call it Indian XD
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brydogg56
| 0
In riverside too
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prendog
| 0
Lol
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zecha_fml
| 1
I'm french and I'm pretty sure we call it snake bite.
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knight0748
| 5
NYC here, always known it as Indian burn. Never knew about Chinese burn. And I'm chinese American.
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swedishviking
| 3
Tusen nålar
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dbt88
| 15
I'm in Wisconsin and I have always heard "snake bite."
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Isoldael
| 27
In the netherlands, we call it barbed wire :)
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tosch678
| 2
So sayeth "pussypredator"? Because when you want maturity and open minded mess you talk to the one who calls themself "pussypredator"
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whogiveaashit
| 3
We call it a snake bite in Minnesota!
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Headcrab
| 29
@146: I'm from Belgium.
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ragzy
| 7
51 - a camel bite is a slap with a curled hand, usually on the leg in Spring when the shorts come out. As two other Aussies have said in Oz we call it a Chinese Burn.
Get your school yard abuse terms correct please!
Get your school yard abuse terms correct please!
Reply
SexyHindu
| 2
Hey just to let everyone know, nobody gives a flying fuck what they call it where you're from
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llamafish
| 25
198 - I give several flying fucks, thank you very much.
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Takesown690
| 3
Indian burn in IL
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JimmyDevotion
| 4
51, A camel bite is when you cup your hand and slap someone on the arm or leg.
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Llamacod
| 11
I've heard it called both a snake bite and an indian burn. Minnesota
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live4tomorrow
| 7
It's called a snake bite in Canada. dx
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live4tomorrow
| 7
134-Ahaha ftw!
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abbyabb
| 4
Haha same in texas
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doctorhook86
| 24
Here in western Canada, I always heard it called a "snake bite", but sometimes "Indian burn" alternatively (with thanks to Bart Simpson).
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marmlr339
| 14
In Australia (easy coast anyway) its called
A Chinese burn.
A Chinese burn.
Reply
Tolerate
| 4
I call it a snakebite too, i'm Canadian
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MickMitch
| 0
Shit just got real son
Reply
PaperCandles
| 0
I'm from wisconsin and we call it snake bite
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kocoman500
| 2
Polarbear's Asshole in Canada
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hollenbackam
| 12
Thanks for clarifying. I've always known it as an Indian burn (in MT). I wonder who came up with the names for these things anyway?
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Devyn333
| 16
Indian burn in Missouri
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greenwich1945
| 13
Chinese burn in England :)
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buddy565
| 7
Wth? I live in Ottawa and I've never called it that before in my life
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Llama_Face89
| 33
114- I'm Canadian. :
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Lludes
| 5
Well technically none of us living in America are actual Americans unless your an Indian, just a bunch implanted mutts.
Reply
Lludes
| 5
What is a Chinese American???? Are you Chinese and American Indian?If not, then you are simply Chinese.
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Lludes
| 5
None of us living in America are actual "American" unless your an American Indian. We're just implanted mutts whose ancestors stole this country from the Indians.
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omfgshiz
| 7
I'm Chinese and I have no idea what a Chinese burn is until now.. :/
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Ludes, you're an idiot. They aren't "American Indians" they are called Native Americans, Christopher Columbus mistakenly thought they were Indians.
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annemarte
| 4
I'm in Norway, and er call it "What the hell?!"
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wildsweetchild
| 19
In Russia it's called nettle
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janiebaby
| 6
In wisconsin its always been called a snake bite!
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Mademoiselle_fml
| 34
I live in the coachella valley (coachella itself, actually) and I've never even heard of this thing o.o
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MCxFrost
| 1
In Canada it's called a snake bite
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PussyPredator
| 6
LOL! I started this:)
100- I wasn't talking to you.
121- I'm not a foreigner. Just so you know.
149- No
190- Let it be told.
100- I wasn't talking to you.
121- I'm not a foreigner. Just so you know.
149- No
190- Let it be told.
Reply
K3u
| 0
We call em ndn(indian) burns over here
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triggerhappy501
| 0
I call it a divorce
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abcd165
| 0
I'm american and even I hate stereotypes but gotta admit that was funny :) btw that stereotype that all Americans are fat- not true at all although there are a lot of em here
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Luckgoof4587
| 0
You're a bitch. Not all of us are Americans. And not all Americans are like that. So shut up.
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cobalt062091
| 0
Call it indian burn in mississippi
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stevenJB
| 25
I'm from the rosebud Indian reservation and we call it a Snake Bite. :p
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SpAZtiiC_Boii69
| 0
Aussie!!!
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kendra19977
| 0
Way to make fun of Canada... Fuck u
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maxisis_fml
| 6
In Minnesota we call it an Indian burn
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akg98
| 13
Yay 4 california!
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linarahmany
| 6
231 has some issues as my cuzin wouldve said what's you issue!!!?!?! Not problem but issue:)
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kiwirules_fml
| 0
In france we call that la brûlure indienne :)
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emmaz_fml
| 6
We call it that in Colorado too haha
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purplegal27
| 3
haha in NY we call it a bracelet , " You want a bracelet ?" "Sure why not--AAAAAAAAAAH OWWWWEEEE
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nicoleolivieri
| 3
I'm in Canada and we call it a snake bite
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secret_ninja_gal
| 12
We call it a sunburn ...(I'm in Canada)
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thegoldenbird
| 11
Snake bites are slightly different than Chinese burns
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fantasyworld
| 37
I call it an Indian burn.
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biebahood
| 15
I'm an Indian n we call it "red hands" here o.O
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malikbahaa
| 21
Snake bite - in canada ?
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OzzyTheGiant
| 14
in Soviet Russia, you burn Chinese
By
aly_pinay22
| 8
No happy ending? ):
Reply
DCFan
| 9
Its crazy how lotion can be the difference between complete bliss and a living hell.
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Llamassss
| 21
I don't think I would trust her to handle me anymore after that.
Reply
sweetpea41800
| 0
It's an FML it's not supposed to have a happy ending
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zombicidal
| 11
a happy ending ina massage is when after it happens the name is given a full release
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MerrikBarbarian
| 9
Uh name? I think most happy ending places make a strict point not to release names. Just sayin.
By
tika12991
| 15
wow. uh... why?
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happle
| 21
It's the most secretest secret and we aren't going to tell you.
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Michael_92
| 20
More importantly if we told you we would have to kill you.
By
123josie123
| 11
What makes her think that that's a good idea?!?
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jannielovesjack
| 0
Maybe she just sucks at giving hand jobs....
By
ambamm135
| 7
Oh you poor soul..
By
eddyg94
| 11
I hope you punched her in the face.
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PrimeEvilTahir
| 23
I hope I punch u in the face! Do u actually want to punch women?!
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yahoowizard
| 16
I'm sure that the punch to a face is nothing compared to a Chinese burn on the penis
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eddyg94
| 11
I should probably make clear that I don't generally condone violence to women or men.
But there is nothing on earth that justifies a penile chinese burn!
But there is nothing on earth that justifies a penile chinese burn!
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3rdbass
| 9
You've never had a girlfriend, have you?
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sweetpea41800
| 0
Domestic violence much?????
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DiruKitty18
| 8
And I hope YOU rot in hell for promoting domestic violence. Yes the Chinese burn sounds bad but, common dude really?
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The_Hitdude
| 12
101- I find it very, very ironic that you're telling someone to rot in hell (which, if you ask around, is a pretty violent statement) for suggesting violence on someone else. Take the plank out of your eye before you complain about the splinter in someone elses.
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SparkleBunny123
| 0
Are you on meth! You don't hit women! Asshole!
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Michael_92
| 20
I'm pretty sure it was a joke people.
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eddyg94
| 11
Ok calm down everyone, I suggest you read the disclaimer a few comments down from the original before commenting..
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FlotatiousTurd
| 1
so what the wife is doing isnt domestic violence?
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kperkins897
| 8
There would have to be a long, philosophical debate about that, and throw some psychologists in there too. There's no direct answer.
By
SkoomaKi
| 27
Is it just me, or does that count as a handjob? At least your little guy will be a glowing red colour.
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ycrem0n
| 21
If hand job : Chinese burn, then blow job : (insert your sick ideas here)
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rattusrattus
| 18
Blow job: bite the penis.
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SkoomaKi
| 27
#31 - For the love of god, do not bite the penis! Your boyfriend or lover or husband will never forgive you!
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fgsuperman
| 20
Coming soon to a theatre near you...'Blow Job: Bite the Penis'.
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rattusrattus
| 18
It was my 'sick idea' for the answer to the verbal reasoning question. I know not to bite the penis.
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mannykatany
| 9
I would hope......
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twisted_cherub
| 14
I wouldn't call it his "little guy", SkoomaKi. OP must be packing if his wife can get both hands on it, side by side, in the fashion it takes to give an Indian burn (what I grew up calling it).
By
rattusrattus
| 18
I don't even have a penis, and it's hurting in sympathy!
Reply
capper44
| 18
Hahaha lmao #11 u just made my day hahaha :D
Reply
Pinkfl0yd
| 9
Phantom limb pain