Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, my wife then told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, then, my wife told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me there was good news and bad news. Bad news: she's pregnant. Good news: I'm probably not the father. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I broke the news to my parents that we're having a baby. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "It's probably not yours." FML
Today, my wife and I convened our families for a joint dinner, followed by me breaking the news that my wife is pregnant. My father visibly scoffed, and my grandfather spent the rest of the evening muttering to him about how "breeders should be shot". Wonderful. FML
Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML
Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML
Today, my fiancé invited his pregnant co-worker for dinner. After we finished eating, he sat down and explained to me that her kid is his and that he's been cheating on me with her for 5 months. She had a smile on her face during the entire thing. FML
Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML
Today, my 15-year-old daughter told me that she's pregnant. To make matters worse, she doesn't know who the father is. She told me not to worry though, because she has it narrowed down to "like, only 3 guys." FML
Today, my parents, my aunt, and her husband went out to dinner. Once there, my aunt told us that she was pregnant. Out of instinct, I asked her who the father is. FML
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Top comments
SparkleMotion44 0
divorce that ***** brah
Jessi_the_sexii 0
answer: I want a divorce for dinner
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Comments (219)
redtigerlily 5
sounds like she was kinds joking?
claiiire_fml 17
haha poor OP. your wife's a major ****.
browneyedbeauty1_fml 0
Maybe she was just joking?
andrew245 0
punch her in the face.
RyNo24 4
ydi for dating a chick
hotdyegrl 0
In some places you are bound to pay child support for you wives kids,even if they are not yours.
marine10_fml 0
it's probly a joke, this is not an fml
allthegoodthings 0
AT LEAST THERE'S 80% CHANCE YOU WON'T PAY FOR CHILD SUPPORT. Use the money for child support as for the lawyer fees :D
perdix 31
Actually, it's an 83-1/3% chance the child isn't his. There are 5 other guys, so a total of six guys are sticking their dicks into the slutty whorebag. 5/6=83-1/3% which is > 4/5=80%. That's assuming that all of their sperm is similar and that she is ******* them randomly. If she was having a hard time getting pregnant by the OP, his sperm may be weak so the chances of the baby being his are even less. Math is so much more fun when ******* is involved.
EROD78 0
Kick her cheating ass to the curb! fyl bro
EvilDave 13
Might I suggest a divorce with a side of paternity testing, followed by tasty dessert custody if it turns out to be yours.