Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, my wife then told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, then, my wife told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me there was good news and bad news. Bad news: she's pregnant. Good news: I'm probably not the father. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I broke the news to my parents that we're having a baby. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "It's probably not yours." FML
Today, my wife and I convened our families for a joint dinner, followed by me breaking the news that my wife is pregnant. My father visibly scoffed, and my grandfather spent the rest of the evening muttering to him about how "breeders should be shot". Wonderful. FML
Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML
Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML
Today, my fiancé invited his pregnant co-worker for dinner. After we finished eating, he sat down and explained to me that her kid is his and that he's been cheating on me with her for 5 months. She had a smile on her face during the entire thing. FML
Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML
Today, my 15-year-old daughter told me that she's pregnant. To make matters worse, she doesn't know who the father is. She told me not to worry though, because she has it narrowed down to "like, only 3 guys." FML
Today, my parents, my aunt, and her husband went out to dinner. Once there, my aunt told us that she was pregnant. Out of instinct, I asked her who the father is. FML
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Top comments
SparkleMotion44 0
divorce that ***** brah
Jessi_the_sexii 0
answer: I want a divorce for dinner
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Comments (219)
evoke45 0
**** your life sucks
GeminiDragon 0
that story resonates in me..... one of my exes was a cheater like that .....i also had a 1/6 chance of being the father..... hell we are both from ontario ... it would be hilarious if it ws the same woman LMAO..... send me a private message .... i am curious if it a redhead i used to date ...(she was from collingwood but moved out to barrie)
LOLSMILEYFACE331 0
okay FYLFS! :( but leave her either way.. but be there for the kid!(: ::
erinmichellehere 0
perdix, I can take a joke very well though your comments were not said in a joking manner at all. just in a tone that implies you are a **** who has no idea what they are talking about and no knowledge to back up their false assumptions. to everyone who is not a fucktard and has a sense of humor, my auto correct made in Canada to I'm Canada, must have hit the wrong key lol.
erinmichellehere 0
however, If you were truly joking I am sorry to have offended you in any way, I must have interpreted your comments completely wrong, though it is difficult to blame someone as sarcasm is best used in person, not in type.
AmbrosiaFan 19
Wow. What a dick move. I'd NEVER do that to my husband! What you do is, if you stay with her and she swears she was kidding (IF she was), is get a paternity test done. No matter how much she doth protest about the fact she was kidding, get it done to be sure.
alex1432 9
if I were you i would get tested for every known, and unknown STD out there
lolipop3344 0
agreed with #1 divorce that *****
thebrand25 0
wow am I the only one thinking this is going to turn out like mumma Mia
KingAdrock 16
"Don't get your hopes up either honey, you aren't getting any child support for me for that bastard."