Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, my wife then told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML
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Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, then, my wife told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me there was good news and bad news. Bad news: she's pregnant. Good news: I'm probably not the father. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I broke the news to my parents that we're having a baby. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "It's probably not yours." FML
Today, my wife and I convened our families for a joint dinner, followed by me breaking the news that my wife is pregnant. My father visibly scoffed, and my grandfather spent the rest of the evening muttering to him about how "breeders should be shot". Wonderful. FML
Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML
Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML
Today, my fiancé invited his pregnant co-worker for dinner. After we finished eating, he sat down and explained to me that her kid is his and that he's been cheating on me with her for 5 months. She had a smile on her face during the entire thing. FML
Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML
Today, my 15-year-old daughter told me that she's pregnant. To make matters worse, she doesn't know who the father is. She told me not to worry though, because she has it narrowed down to "like, only 3 guys." FML
Today, my parents, my aunt, and her husband went out to dinner. Once there, my aunt told us that she was pregnant. Out of instinct, I asked her who the father is. FML
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Top comments
SparkleMotion44 0
divorce that ***** brah
Jessi_the_sexii 0
answer: I want a divorce for dinner
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Comments (219)
applessuckdick 0
that's why you never marry a *****.
cotyandrei 0
hey, at least she made dinner...
towboatdude 0
Op the saying is "You can't make a ***** into a house wife. But you can make a house wife into a *****." Or as Maury would say "You are not the father!" Op kick that bitch to the curb and let who ever she screwed around with and her figure out who's the baby's daddy. DNA Test
Nenerf 4
if he knows she was being sarcastic(if she was being sarcastic) maybe he meant to say after all this time he's so happy for her being pregnant all she could do was rain on his parade and stuff. that's just what I think
morallygrey 0
That totally sux OP. It's definitely a sad day when a chick you really trusted proves they never deserved that trust through their whorish behavior. We all learn that lesson at some point I suppose, but for sure FYL.
sonspeedy 4
I hope you told her you wanted a can of GET THE **** OUT with a side of YOU FUCKEN ***** for dinner and for dessert you wanted A DIVORCE.
xseixseix 0
And that's still your wife?
xseixseix 0
And that's still your wife?
atphillips23 0
smack a hoe
bportner 0
Either she's a complete and utter cheating ****, or she's just really bad at telling jokes...