Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, my wife then told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML
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Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, then, my wife told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me there was good news and bad news. Bad news: she's pregnant. Good news: I'm probably not the father. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I broke the news to my parents that we're having a baby. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "It's probably not yours." FML
Today, my wife and I convened our families for a joint dinner, followed by me breaking the news that my wife is pregnant. My father visibly scoffed, and my grandfather spent the rest of the evening muttering to him about how "breeders should be shot". Wonderful. FML
Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML
Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML
Today, my fiancé invited his pregnant co-worker for dinner. After we finished eating, he sat down and explained to me that her kid is his and that he's been cheating on me with her for 5 months. She had a smile on her face during the entire thing. FML
Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML
Today, my 15-year-old daughter told me that she's pregnant. To make matters worse, she doesn't know who the father is. She told me not to worry though, because she has it narrowed down to "like, only 3 guys." FML
Today, my parents, my aunt, and her husband went out to dinner. Once there, my aunt told us that she was pregnant. Out of instinct, I asked her who the father is. FML
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Top comments
SparkleMotion44 0
divorce that ***** brah
Jessi_the_sexii 0
answer: I want a divorce for dinner
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Comments (219)
wadufuxup 0
LMFAO. classic.
rety1 13
FALCONNN!!!!!
Lisa89 3
I hope she was joking. If not, i'm sure she was so cool about it for a reason; i.e OP prob had cheated on her loads/ really hurt her loads. Although still bitchy of her. This is just my opinion BUT. Guess you'll divorce her. Get a DNA on the baby ASAP. If it's not yours, seriously, DON'T have anything to do with her. If it's yours, you have to be responsible and look after that child... finacially and emotionally. Don't blame the kid, but best to not get involved with your ***** wife.
eganbull 1
Today, after dinner, I hunted down five men and killed my potential child. FML. Seriously, CCSI (Canadian Crime Scene Investigation).
lordofkiwis 0
lol hilarious!
erinmichellehere 0
perdix- you are an effin idiot! the difference between Canadian and American health care is that we don't have to pay a fortune for those treatments and they are available to everyone! that's the point which is probably why your president is trying to change your health care to match ours. and btw the hicks that do that live in the south, which is located in the depth of your country. also just for those who are curious I'm Canada if it is not genetically your child and your spouse cheated, child support is the biological fathers duty, not the poor bastard who was cheated on!
roflinyourwaffle 0
i'm just about 99% sure that you're not canada.
5t3ff1k4h 47
Pretty sure it's not technically free health care if we pay for it in taxes.
Trollz4daLULZ 2
if he says he's an entire country, we HAVE to believe him. The Philippines posted here the other day, in a different FML!
perdix 31
erinmichellehere #123, CTFD! This is a comedy site, not a ******* Tea Party Rally. I was trying to be satirical and humorous, and not like that asshole Glenn Beck. I thought my comment was pretty funny and a thumb in the eye to the American "system" more than the Canadian one. Jeez, if you can't take a ****, joke you!
lane4 1
wow. I would put her out until further notice.
hippies_fml 0
Jerry time!
funnii_bunnii 0
112 made made me LOL! and sorry op fyl ur wife is a *****. at least she was honest...
hellokeroppi 5
*****