Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, my wife then told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, then, my wife told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me there was good news and bad news. Bad news: she's pregnant. Good news: I'm probably not the father. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I broke the news to my parents that we're having a baby. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "It's probably not yours." FML
Today, my wife and I convened our families for a joint dinner, followed by me breaking the news that my wife is pregnant. My father visibly scoffed, and my grandfather spent the rest of the evening muttering to him about how "breeders should be shot". Wonderful. FML
Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML
Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML
Today, my fiancé invited his pregnant co-worker for dinner. After we finished eating, he sat down and explained to me that her kid is his and that he's been cheating on me with her for 5 months. She had a smile on her face during the entire thing. FML
Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML
Today, my 15-year-old daughter told me that she's pregnant. To make matters worse, she doesn't know who the father is. She told me not to worry though, because she has it narrowed down to "like, only 3 guys." FML
Today, my parents, my aunt, and her husband went out to dinner. Once there, my aunt told us that she was pregnant. Out of instinct, I asked her who the father is. FML
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Top comments
SparkleMotion44 0
divorce that ***** brah
Jessi_the_sexii 0
answer: I want a divorce for dinner
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Comments (219)
Earthtone 0
And then you respond with "dead ***** in the oven".
cpac09 5
and the bitch is still alive
seroquels 0
YDI for this being FAAAKE!!
jgettier 0
what a *****. and to just say it like that without giving a shit about you! i'ld get checked for STDs first in order to decide upon the severity of punishment due.
djbrooke12345 0
coulda been a joke?!
JokeMeister 0
Your ****** head on a plate was what he replied.
iansmommy 0
Sounds like an episode of Maury to me. Better be prepared to hear that you are NOT the father! FYL
jerzqirl908 0
Take her to the maury show, let the world know whose the ***** lol
wellimsteph 0
whoreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
momogal 22
Sit her down and demand to know whether this is her idea of sick joke. If not, divorce her ass and get a DNA test as soon as the baby is born. If it's yours, sue for custody since she's such a ***** who will be too busy getting screwed to take care of a baby. If it is a joke, get revenge. Really good revenge. Either way, FYL dude. Your woman is a bitch. By the way, I don't usually talk like this, but this got me upset.