Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML
Today, I caught my husband masturbating to porn. I screamed at him and demanded to know why he was masturbating when he has a wife to have sex with. He said, "Because you always reject me?" I was about to yell back when I realized he was right. I'm a terrible wife. FML
Today, after screaming at me this morning, my wife has been giving me the silent treatment. We're trying to get pregnant, but she caught me masturbating, or "reducing my sperm count on purpose" as she called it. I just wanted some harmless fun with some porn, since getting pregnant has made actual sex a chore. FML
Today, my husband walked in on me while I was masturbating and watching porn (yes women do it too). Now he thinks I’m unsatisfied with him or our sex life. All I wanted was a quick release. FML
Today, my wife accused me of using her for sex. I'd only just admitted to her two days ago that I've been struggling to get it up to try and perform, after a hospital stay and a month of almost no sexual contact. FML
Today, I walked in on my wife masturbating. Naturally, I asked her if she needed some help. She replied, "Nah, I've got this." FML
Today, my wife shouted at me for masturbating in the shower, because, "It’s disgusting." She hasn’t touched me sexually in two years FML
Today, my wife slapped me for touching her boobs during sex. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML
Today, I caught my wife trying to give herself oral sex. It was sexy and also kinda funny, so I offered to do it to her properly. She got explosively mad for some reason and actually threw me out. I’m writing this from my brother's spare room, wondering where I went wrong. FML
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Top comments
Deathhound 27
Why did she say it then?
gunmania0 12
Does no one else think its sort of the wife's fault? You may try and disagree and say that the op is a bad person for watching ****, but he was just a guy that wasnt getting any from his gal.
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Comments (180)
cnkk07 8
Sounds like a catch 22.
Im2Handsom 1
Well then. *turns head back to **** and continues*
kronick_fml 0
Like a beast
Rachelrock21 6
Dude lol the thing is that she obviously said no. Just play the whole thing over in your mind: You- Masturbating Wife: comes in like wtf y r u doing this I Mean come on u have a wife You: wanna have sex? Wife: NO! I'm not gonna do that right now! It's obvious the only thing u want right now is pleasure. You don't care about what I have to say!!!!!!!.
sakforduc 0
Ummm obviously if he's jacking off all he's thinking about is pleasure. Why should he care about what she has to say if she doesn't care about his pleasure.
EmreArslan 11
Roflmao! Tutututu roflmao!
xXkingmikeXx 5
Omg BBQ GTFO STFU lol lmao lmfao
ppzh_08 4
What a douche bag he is!!
IfTheKeyFits 3
Why? For providing pleasure his wife wouldn't give him?
mrbendystraw 0
Scumbag wife- "You must not get sexual pleasure from anyone else but me." Doesn't have sex with him.
Ferretface 13
Talking like Yoda #28 is.
chickenpie90 16
Terrible
ekarjala 0
I think I will include this in my dissertation on the absence of logic in the female gender.
locaaaa 4
Or the absence of logic in the male gender, rather. Even if I was in the mood, if I caught my husband jacking off to **** I would be instantly turned off. Of course she didn't want to have sex with him. Men are ridiculous sometimes in the way they think.
TheDrummingResul 0
The best thing a wife can do is.... not freak the **** out at every little thing! Especially ****, I don't know where it was decided that watching **** is cheating..
locaaaa 4
I didn't say it was cheating, it's a turn off.
ikickgingers 15
Meh... Really? I have a little **** stash ... Its really not a big deal. And it's not a turn off for everyone. **** comes in different forms. My friend kept telling me to read the 'in death' series by JD Robb err Nora Roberts. Yeah if that isn't **** I don't know wtf is. It's not as obvious ... I tried reading the first book and I felt dirty...So so so dirty. To each their own.
TraceCase_ 19
ikick, so true...there's a group of women at my work who trade those books like Pokemon cards. I wonder how many of those women leaving "shame on you" comments to the OP have a habit of tossing a "romance novel" in the grocery cart every week?
WutzButz 3
locaaaa: Oh, are we back to the "one is all"-game? I want to play too: All women are prudes who get pissed off if their men has a sexuality he doesn't need to pressure their wifes/girlfriends for. How was that?
underguarded 20
Tell her to either put out or stop her bitching. A guy has to get his rocks off some how.If the woman isn't putting out, It's either **** or cheating. Take your pick because blue balls are not something a guy should live with.
mblock 5
**** is cheating on your wife
flootershy 7
Cheating isn't bad, in fact, it is a natural thing for humans to do.
rhysfucker 24
Dear OP, You might want to make advances towards your wife, like a shoulder rub and then neck kissing to set the mood. If wifey then declines after you have made a romantic / caring advance, I would then advise her that you need some relief and are going to take care of yourself. Good luck. Ladies, Sometimes men just need pressure relief, like an overinflated balloon. It's not a slight against you...
asherah14 7
Dammit! I accidentally hit thumbs down but I wanted thumbs up! This is very true. Everyone in a relationship should make effort to set the mood for their partner and have complete freedom to take care of their own pleasure when the partner isn't in the mood. I feel bad for OP since he's got a stupid selfish wife.
theonlybassist 8
Maybe he did though. Maybe he has been trying all week and she still declined.
FreckleFace9 1
Can someone tell me what OP means? I'm a retard and can't figure out anything for myself
Lmickey 3
Someone needs to calm her **** and get on your dick...