Money: Today, I found out the only reason my parents want me to live... - FML

By Firewielder - 11/02/2015 02:26 - United States - Midland

Today, I found out the only reason my parents want me to live with them is because of the tax refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 879

You deserved it 2 999

Mother of the year

Taking stock

Sorry, friend

Name thievery

By Anonymous - 08/06/2021 17:01

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend used the baby name I wanted with the girlfriend he’s been dating for less than a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 140

By 99jellybean - 26/01/2016 03:02 - United States - Rochester

Today, a girl in my class threw a temper tantrum. Why? Because she wanted my seat. We're in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 174

You deserved it 1 419

By Amberain - 16/08/2012 15:16 - United Kingdom - Widnes

Today, I was enjoying a romantic cuddle on the couch with my boyfriend, when he suddenly decided to lift up my shirt, stick his face into my boobs, and go all Darth Vader on me. This included heavy breathing and phrases such as, "Amber... I am your boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 271

You deserved it 7 054

By Gurior - 04/09/2011 07:01 - Canada

Spicy

Today, the condoms I bought a few years ago as a celebration of dumping my girlfriend due to a lack of sex, have expired. Every last one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 878

You deserved it 48 633

Oh shit…

By half-dead in CA - 31/05/2014 16:39 - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 256

You deserved it 4 001

Stuck in the middle with you

By dadlife - 08/06/2021 04:01

Today, I heard my wife and daughter arguing. My wife took away my daughter's phone and laptop for being disrespectful. My daughter screamed, calling her mom a fat cow. My wife simply said, "Yeah, well you’re gonna look exactly like me when you grow up!" Now they’re both locked in rooms, crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 128

You deserved it 71

By steven - 24/06/2009 15:33 - Canada

Today, my friend said he'd give me 20 bucks if I would ask out the ugliest girl in school. I did it. She rejected me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 963

You deserved it 112 394

By notpregnantthankgod - 20/11/2015 17:20 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, the local gossip was in line behind me at the shop. She saw me buying pregnancy tests. The good news is that I'm not pregnant. The bad news is that she'll definitely have everyone thinking I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 473

You deserved it 2 187

By DirtyCharmed - 01/11/2011 06:29 - United States

Today, I'm very ill. My throat and glands are so swollen that whenever I fall asleep, I relax too much and cut off my own air. The doctor said it's a viral infection and there's nothing they can give me, so I can choose between trying to kill myself by sleeping or staying awake for the next few days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 613

You deserved it 2 619

By for the whored - 18/12/2015 20:46 - United States - Corpus Christi

Today, I was listening to music on my phone and reading posts on here. I laughed hysterically at one, then noticed my parents shooting me outraged looks. Turned out I laughed while a news reporter was talking about a brutal rape that just happened in our city. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 041

You deserved it 3 206

By Unclicked - 01/08/2009 11:58 - Singapore

Today, my long-distance boyfriend wanted to spend time online with me. He kept quiet on Skype and went on a hundred different stupid websites, laughing by himself. Afterwards, he told me he really enjoyed our time together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 173

You deserved it 6 976

By anonymous - 29/12/2009 01:21 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me 80 times in 5 minutes. I had previously told him I was with my friends. He left me a voicemail proposing saying he loved me to death and he was crying. We've been dating for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 134

You deserved it 5 025

By Anonymous - 28/07/2019 06:00

Today, I learned I'm getting kicked out of the house for NOT dropping out of college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 962

You deserved it 128

By TooPoorForPrivateUni - 09/10/2016 16:18 - United Kingdom - Mitcham

Today, I got into my dream university. I also got turned down for the scholarship and the loan that would enable me to actually go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 644

You deserved it 1 155

Thanks for your help, dude

By Anonymous - 27/04/2017 00:00 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, on a train to the airport, the ticket inspector pointed out that my girlfriend and I hadn't activated our tickets. He suggested one of us get off and activate them at the next station. Now I'm on the moving train with all our luggage, and she's waving from the platform with our tickets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 804

You deserved it 483

By lastinclass - 13/07/2016 21:28 - Canada - Vancouver

Today at camp, we were choosing teams for capture the flag. It's embarrassing to be chosen last, but today I learnt it's even more embarrassing to not be chosen at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 140

You deserved it 1 038

By no more tp - 17/02/2011 06:22

Today, I ran out of toilet paper in the bathroom. I was forced to use tissues to do the job. As if that wasn't bad enough, the sanitizer in the tissues gave me a rash that made me have to stand up frequently in the lecture hall. Several people asked if I had Tourette's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 024

You deserved it 4 330

By love you too mommy - 27/01/2014 19:26 - United States - Brentwood

Today, my mom walked into my room to talk to me. I was surprised because we don't talk much. I was left with a smile on my face after she left, until I realized she'd stolen all the candy on my desk while I wasn't looking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 416

You deserved it 5 269

By UltraHoe69 - 06/01/2011 22:57 - United States

Today, in gym class, we were forced to learn the "Hoedown Throwdown" dance, by Miley Cyrus. This will actually be counted toward my grade. I'm in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 097

You deserved it 4 392

By beforegirl - 08/11/2010 21:11 - Australia

Today, I discovered I am the "before picture" in an internet weight loss advert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 478

You deserved it 8 959

By housebroken - 22/01/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, my godmother informed me that the rule of thumb my ex had used for our relationship during a year of cohabitation was taken directly from a Cesar Millan book on "How to train dogs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 368

You deserved it 3 313

By Bozo - 31/08/2012 07:57 - United States - Saukville

Today, I got a perm in an attempt to prove to my family that I'd been doing well with my life since I last saw them almost a year ago. I ended up going over for dinner looking like Bozo the Clown thanks to my idiot stylist, and my brothers wouldn't stop mocking me about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 621

You deserved it 23 803

By Mom - 11/06/2011 17:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out all about my son's secret online double life. He's been moonlighting for two years as a male prostitute by the name of Peter Parker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 395

You deserved it 5 563

By Anonymous - 24/03/2009 16:18 - United States

Today, I was at my friends house celebrating his 16th birthday. I couldn't find my phone so I asked my friend's girl if I could borrow her phone to see if I could hear mine ringing. I dial my number and look down to find she has my number is saved in her phone as ASS FACE #3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 736

You deserved it 10 487

By badwife - 07/11/2009 10:22 - Japan

Spicy

Today, my husband left his cell phone at home. I looked through his contacts and found a person named "The Bitch." Being a very curious person, I decided to call "The Bitch" to see who it was. My phone rang. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 290

You deserved it 17 302

Sharing is caring

By Anonymous - 24/06/2020 20:08

Spicy

Today, when he came back to bed, I asked my flatmate who I've been sleeping since the start of lockdown, whether he had washed his hands after going to pee. He said he barely touched his dick, so he didn't need to. He likes putting his fingers in my mouth when we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 522

You deserved it 634

Empathy Man

By Anonymous - 05/08/2020 02:02

Today, I told my man I was feeling a lack of emotional closeness and dialogue in our relationship. I'd hoped for a comeback like, "So what do you need in order to change that?" Or even, "Aw, come here, let's cuddle!" Instead, I got a simple, "I don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 406

You deserved it 305

By Anonymous - 17/09/2014 22:10 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out my wife named our son after her ex-lover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 750

You deserved it 3 369

By Anonymous - 30/09/2013 16:23 - United States - Mulino

Today, while I was pet-sitting for my boyfriend's parents, one of their dogs killed one of their kittens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 469

You deserved it 5 468

By Anonymous - 01/01/2013 06:12 - United States - Amelia

Today, my brother thought New Year's would be more epic and memorable if the fireworks were set off in the family room and not outside. It is memorable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 250

You deserved it 3 587

By CJ - 12/08/2016 01:02 - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, I was looking for a moustache comb, couldn't find it anywhere. Then I noticed it in a basket by the toilet with scissors. My wife's been using it to trim her pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 124

You deserved it 2 289

Fuck paddleboarders

By Anonymous - 13/07/2021 00:01 - United States - Miami Beach

Today, some paddleboarders screamed bloody murder and called marine patrol on my family's friends, because the paddleboarders thought they were going to get hit or run over or whatever, even though they were politely asked to move out of the way multiple times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 177

By Username - 29/07/2011 21:35 - Netherlands

Today, my sister announced that she had gotten engaged. I was happy for her until I found out she's marrying the guy who relentlessly bullied me all through high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 259

You deserved it 2 981

By oh no - 29/01/2013 14:51 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 388

You deserved it 3 441

By Anonymous - 09/01/2011 18:25 - United States

Today, it's been a full week since my last orthodontist appointment and I still can't eat anything besides Slimfast and pudding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 413

You deserved it 3 251

By Anonymous - 16/07/2015 14:47 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got a surprise raise and a promotion at work. Hours after accepting, our company was raided by police on fraud charges. Due to my new managerial position, I had to get grilled by cops. I may not have a job at all next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 534

You deserved it 1 795

By nickthetank - 31/12/2011 09:21 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I got circumcised by my girlfriend's braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 836

You deserved it 12 205

By cAPITOLpORN - 23/06/2015 15:57 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, my grandmother ripped her pants. We all got a big view of her pink thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 201

You deserved it 2 200

Watch where you're going

By Marriage at it's finest.. - 22/05/2021 13:59

Today, I was riding my scooter and humming a tune while doing so. It happened to be the tune you hear at weddings. I got married to the garage door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 283

You deserved it 663

By Anonymous - 09/12/2013 17:12 - United States - California

Today, I got a call from a girl I dated long ago, who cheated on me and got pregnant by another guy, or so we thought. Turns out it isn't his, and she is taking me to court for child support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 832

You deserved it 7 930

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Top comments

NOTaDISTRACTION 17

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Wednesday 11 February 2015 9:24

Are you complaining about a free bed to sleep on, enjoy it while you can

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Wednesday 11 February 2015 9:32

"As long as you're a tax deduction, you'll always be safe in my house." -George Lopez

Comments

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Wednesday 11 February 2015 9:20

Believe me parents give up more then a few thousand dollars. If you are able move, work , school !

Koolaidandtacos 21

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Wednesday 11 February 2015 20:47

1PersonIsMyWorld 22

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Thursday 12 February 2015 3:33

im sure its a common thing for parents to do this. mine did.

NOTaDISTRACTION 17

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Wednesday 11 February 2015 9:24

Are you complaining about a free bed to sleep on, enjoy it while you can

Send a private message

Thursday 12 February 2015 5:33

Ya! OP should use the time to go to school!!!

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Thursday 12 February 2015 17:22

How is it a free bed to sleep in exactly...soundalike op is saying that the parents want the tax return for themselves...that's not free...that's reimbursement . Lol

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Thursday 12 February 2015 23:04

You can get a tax break by claiming a child as a dependent.

pjsr 32

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Wednesday 11 February 2015 9:24

Hmm, maybe that's why they had you to start with. You can thank your Uncle Sam.

iLike2Teabag 27

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Wednesday 11 February 2015 10:56

Because the cost of raising a kid is nothing compared to tax benefits, right?

militarybrat 21

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Thursday 12 February 2015 6:19

I highly doubt a couple would get $250,000 in benefits over the course of 18 years. That would be to break even.

Dlzq 22

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Wednesday 11 February 2015 9:26

Just take advantage of it!

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Wednesday 11 February 2015 9:32

"As long as you're a tax deduction, you'll always be safe in my house." -George Lopez

PMAN6x7 22

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Wednesday 11 February 2015 9:38

Let's home you don't pay board!

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Wednesday 11 February 2015 9:38

Hey, at least they actually want you there, no matter the reason. Things could be worse!

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Wednesday 11 February 2015 9:40

Sorry op that sucks :(

albertozeta_fml 9

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Wednesday 11 February 2015 9:40

At least they want you to live with them.

sturschaedel 27

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Wednesday 11 February 2015 9:42

If you are old enough to move out they are right. I firmly believe that children who are old enough and circumstanceally (is that a word) able should move out from home and live life on their own. That does not at all mean that I don't want to see them anymore, I'd be happy to have them living down the road and visiting more than weekly, but I want them to leave Hotel Mum&Dad in their mid to late twenties the latest.

False_Stupidity 41

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Wednesday 11 February 2015 10:32

I believe the word you were after is circumstantially.

sturschaedel 27

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Wednesday 11 February 2015 10:34

Thank you! English is not my first language and while I'm doing pretty good most of the time sometimes the words get mangled in my head.

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Wednesday 11 February 2015 14:57

I agree to a point. When my kids are 18-20 years old I'll be pushing them to get out of the house, unless, they are going to school. Housing for college or university is expensive so I have no issue letting them stay home. otherwise, life isn't a free ride, and I'm not carrying them through!

Brandi_Faith 33

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Wednesday 11 February 2015 18:38

I understand you're point, but I don't think you realize what the parents were saying. The parents wanted op to move back home with them and live with his parents, they weren't saying move out. :)

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 7

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 887

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 1 089