Work: Today, my parents saw my report card. Now, they refuse to buy...

By MollyMo - 21/03/2009 06:22 - United States

Today, my parents saw my report card. Now, they refuse to buy me my the new computer I've always wanted because my grades had 'slipped'. I made honor roll for three terms, and was kept off for the fourth for a single bad grade. I failed gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 016

You deserved it 41 808

Work

Walk the line

How d'you think I look so good?

Food porn

By mrmr - 07/02/2010 18:32 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower and the glass sliding door was jammed. I tugged it, and it shattered all over me. I was naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 478

You deserved it 3 006

By Ellie - 08/05/2012 05:05 - United States

Today, I was practicing for a choir concert that I have next week. My mom walked into my room and listened to me for a little while. After I finished the last song, she smiled, patted me on the head and said, "It's okay honey, I can't sing either." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 864

You deserved it 2 958

By Repethetic - 02/04/2015 12:20 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend when we came across the most beautiful piece of Japanese furniture. When I inspected it closely, my boyfriend started laughing. Turns out I was making the same noise I make when I orgasm in reaction to a piece of furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 726

You deserved it 4 805

By Vlen - 24/05/2015 02:38 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I sleep during the day because I work nights. My neighbors have a very loud wedding and reception in their backyard including a live mariachi band. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 836

You deserved it 3 412

By Anonymous - 09/08/2009 04:02 - United States

Today, my family and I were coming back from a trip to the US. As we reached the border patrol we realized that we were one passport short. The border patrol lectured us for 30 minutes about how irresponsible we were for not realizing that they had forgotten to give us one of our passports back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 978

You deserved it 8 019

Skyped out

By Anonymous - 27/04/2021 21:30

Today, I had one minute to go before a team meeting from my work, a blackout occurred in my block. The outage lasted an hour. The meeting was about 40 minutes long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 804

You deserved it 55

Frenemies 2

By Anonymous - 28/06/2021 17:59

Today, my old frenemy told me she married my college boyfriend who made a fortune during the early days of Bitcoin. They have no kids, a massive house, retired when they were 45 and are moving to their retirement villa in Hawaii. I'm divorced and on benefits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 174

By stifledbyyou - 12/12/2010 00:06 - United States

Today, while I was working at McDonald's, a man and his wife ordered a Sundae. I gave the guy his sundae and realized I'd forgotten something. I said, "One second sir. Let me grab your nuts." I realized what I said when his wife gave me the death glare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 254

You deserved it 8 366

By randm1 - 02/12/2009 19:09 - United States

Today, I went to the bathroom and used the urinal. When I was done, I closed my zipper on my foreskin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 988

You deserved it 8 690

It's a wrap

By victoria - 04/04/2021 21:30

Today, I had a school band concert in which I was doing a clarinet solo. I had a Laffy Taffy before the concert. Little did I know part of the wrapper got stuck in my hair. I went through the whole concert like that and I was so embarrassed when I found out afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 653

You deserved it 230

By oh no - 29/01/2013 14:51 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 384

You deserved it 3 440

By unlucky - 20/04/2013 21:17 - United States - Wheeling

Today, I came home from a four month stay in Africa, where I managed to avoid suffering any serious illness. Some hours after my first meal back at home, I got food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 755

You deserved it 3 856

By Anonymous - 26/08/2009 00:52 - Canada

Today, I went for a jog. While passing by my neighbor's house, their six year old son started throwing peanuts at me screaming, "I hope this kills you!" because I'm allergic to peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 633

You deserved it 3 631

By ambulancedriver - 12/09/2009 18:35 - Poland

Today, I was on the job as an ambulance driver, I got a call about a man who claimed he'd had a heart attack. When I got to the house, it turned out the man was fine. I did however manage to hit a dog on the way there in fear of the man dying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 332

You deserved it 5 450

Double-edged sword

By Janitoro - 23/11/2012 01:19 - United States

Today, I was blessed with a girlfriend who loves giving blowjobs. And cursed with a girlfriend who is also somehow really bad at them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 294

You deserved it 9 160

By Stigmamma - 27/11/2016 08:54

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to be responsible and put parental controls on the Playstation so our kids can't play adult games or watch adult content online. And now, neither can we. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 194

You deserved it 5 035

By ninja breakup? - 11/10/2018 14:00

Today, my boyfriend of six years came home wearing a ninja suit. When I asked why, he said "These are my breakup clothes. I'm breaking up with you." He then screamed, threw a plastic shuriken at me and ran away. It hit me in the breast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 544

You deserved it 335

By Unemployed - 30/09/2009 09:03 - Malaysia

Today, I fell asleep during my division emergency meeting. As I about to head home that evening, my boss patted me on the back saying "Wrong move. Good luck". Turned out, it was a meeting to determine who will be kicked out of the company due to recession. My name was written first on the list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 880

You deserved it 54 362

All in a day's work.

By Steve-noh - 10/08/2018 23:30

Today, at my job as a waiter I sharted myself while taking an order. They tipped me $20 and wrote "for new underwear" on the receipt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 081

You deserved it 563

By Anonymous - 23/04/2016 09:14 - United States - Redlands

Today, the CEO of my company wanted to meet with me. I was excited until I found out she just wanted to bitch me out and personally fire me. Later on, I found out my boss had totally shafted me and blamed the failure of a big project on me instead of admitting it was all his fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 084

You deserved it 1 241

By unwanted - 24/12/2011 02:24 - United States

Today, I realized my wife often switches the TV channel from the crime dramas we both like, to Hollywood gossip shows that I can't stand, just to get me to leave the room. From the other room, I can see that she switches back once I've left. She's probably been doing this for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 981

You deserved it 3 675

By helosthisshit - 01/11/2014 14:26 - United Kingdom - Linlithgow

Today, I went to a Halloween party with people from work. As the night passed, my boss got hammered and started throwing food at people. It was fun and games until I accidentally spilled his 10th beer. His response? To slam a hollowed out pumpkin full of chocolate mousse over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 847

You deserved it 4 316

By YAABOIII - 05/04/2009 22:04 - United States

Today, the 7 year old boy I was babysitting studied my upper lip and said "It's okay, my daddy won't let me shave yet either." I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 122

You deserved it 8 782

By shameless - 28/04/2013 22:24 - United States - Canton

Today, I agreed to go on a date with the creepy guy from my Economics class because I'm so broke that I could really use the free meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 670

You deserved it 15 233

By laurenmichela - 12/10/2015 21:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I coughed so much I threw up, then whilst recovering from throwing up, a fly flew into my mouth and I ate it. I then promptly threw up again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 539

You deserved it 2 076

Good enough reason

By Anonymous - 17/05/2017 20:00

Today, I finally found out why my girlfriend doesn't want kids. She discovered Rugrats recently and, after binge watching the whole series, decided that our would-be children would be too adventurous for us to handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 059

You deserved it 448

Is that even legal?

By Monkeys aren't pets - 07/12/2020 23:04 - United States - Millersville

Today, I found out in addition to the ADHD teenager they scream at, my boyfriend's parents are planning on getting a monkey. I work at an animal shelter, so now I'm obligated to have a long conversation with them about what a crap idea that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 78

By Hotdamn - 21/03/2016 04:32 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and steamy in the shower, until I slipped and fell backwards into the shower curtain, which caused me to hit the back of my head on the toilet seat, and the bar of the shower curtain to land on my throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 979

You deserved it 3 118

By colts609380 - 17/05/2012 21:07 - United States - Corona

Today, I finally gained the nerve to ask out the girl of my dreams. She responded by saying, "You need to lower your standards." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 784

You deserved it 3 101

By Anonymous - 19/08/2014 18:16 - United States - Glendale

Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned "The bitch on the pot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 051

You deserved it 18 996

By Cece - 11/07/2019 14:00

Today, while bowling on a first date, the guy I ended things with 3 days before was bowling too. In the lane next to ours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 795

You deserved it 521

By silverspud - 13/06/2015 01:22 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, I was invited to an adult toy party with co-workers. They started by playing a game called 'Never Ever Have I Ever' about everyone's sexual exploits. My mother is a co-worker. I can never un-hear what I heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 251

You deserved it 7 304

By awwimanahole - 04/07/2013 05:07 - United States - Palmetto

Today, I needed a change of clothes, so I called my mom. She brought me a grey shirt with a toucan on the front and Mexico City spelled in glitter. I asked her why she would bring me such an ugly shirt, and she started crying. Turns out she bought it for me as a present from her trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 586

You deserved it 56 079

By Candy - 20/05/2010 12:37 - United States

Today, my mom bought me some expensive Japanese candy. I opened it, and saw that each chewy candy was wrapped in a thin, hard to peel off wrapper. After trying to get each wrapper off, I determined they were unopen-able and threw them away. I then read the box, saying the wrappers were edible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 334

You deserved it 56 481

Thanks Outlook

By Buzz - 28/11/2008 05:35 - France

Today, I was doing a Power Point presentation to the management committee. Outlook Express was still open, and right in the middle of the presentation, a window popped up notifying me of a new message. "Subject: our reply to your application for the post of Marketing Manager." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 304

You deserved it 8 323

By Anonymous - 19/03/2019 06:00 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, after a 3-month dry spell because I am recovering after having a baby, I was finally in the mood to get intimate with my husband. Foreplay was great, the sex was great until my back gave out right as I was about to cum. I can't move without intense pain. I just wanted to orgasm! FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 493

You deserved it 213

By Lenny_R - 08/12/2016 19:53

Today, I got pulled over for having an expired registration. I also found out my husband hasn't been paying for my car insurance. Luckily, I didn't get arrested because I had my baby with me. They towed my car and gave me 2 tickets and a court date. Oh, and the cop sent me a friend request. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 329

You deserved it 861

Good intentions

By Anonymous - 16/08/2021 19:01 - Indonesia - Bekasi

Today, I asked someone to work with me because I felt sorry for her. Turns out, she isn't at all helpful and refuses to work after school, just because she would miss her "beauty nap". She also made up dumb excuses for why she couldn't help me or the others. I wonder why no one wanted to be in a group with her… FML

I agree, your life sucks 729

You deserved it 118

By justfat - 12/03/2009 00:04 - United States

Today, I was standing on a balcony smoking a cigarette when I noticed a woman giving me strange looks. When I put the cigarette out and went to walk inside she said "You shouldn't smoke while you're pregnant." I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 683

You deserved it 15 582

By outofluckdude - 01/09/2009 00:40 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a group of friends when I got into a conversation with this really attractive girl who I've liked for months. She asked me what school I go to. I sit to her left in biology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 696

You deserved it 3 638

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

B52_fml 0

Send a private message

Saturday 21 March 2009 16:10

Having your grades "slip" is one thing, but FAILING gym? ydi.

thisismyname_fml 1

Send a private message

Saturday 21 March 2009 16:11

To pass gym don't you have to just show up? Even if you aren't athletic all you have to do is make an ounce of effort. This feels like YDI.

LeChuck 0

Send a private message

Saturday 21 March 2009 16:04

buy your own computer.

bobnorris 0

Send a private message

Monday 22 February 2010 5:37

holy crap... gym is basic

zbork181637 0

Send a private message

Friday 12 March 2010 6:05

all you need to do is show up where I live

yashack 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 March 2010 22:01

how do you fail gym?

brycereid 0

Send a private message

Thursday 1 April 2010 8:32

fat ass can't run

sammehsaurus 0

Send a private message

Sunday 4 April 2010 0:36

I feel your pain. I failed gym this semester because I didn't dress out. why not? because my teacher stole my gym clothes -_-'

allymarcos 0

Send a private message

Monday 5 April 2010 4:13

i failed gym because i did nothing...im serious though i got 55 as my average in gym with the comment "Lacking Effort"

Mcstroodlenugget 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 26 May 2010 3:12

YDI for failing gym.

danielleeycakes 3

Send a private message

Wednesday 26 May 2010 7:55

You mean you failed P.E.? A gym is a place you go to, to work out.

YANKSFAN4EVER 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 June 2010 5:06

Ya right. No teacher would do that unless they want to lose there job.

YANKSFAN4EVER 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 June 2010 5:08

Shut the fuck up.Everyone calls it gym so just shut up. Even the teachers.

thegirlnextdoorr 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 20 July 2010 5:19

That sucks. I'd be pissed. Gym in our school is pretty difficult. If your shoe unties during our warm-up mile jog, you can't stop to tie it:

averageirishman 0

Send a private message

Thursday 12 August 2010 21:53

how the hell do you fail gym

grigz 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 22 December 2010 14:50

273- Boo f*ckin' hoo. try cross country

jamieleigh_315 0

Send a private message

Monday 30 May 2011 5:54

266 stop being a bitch

Toasty283 8

Send a private message

Monday 1 April 2013 20:35

Op, my parents threatened to beat my ass AND ground me because my grades "slipped" from a 4.0 to a 3.8. FML

THEDUDE1553566 24

Send a private message

Tuesday 22 September 2015 2:20

#280 you seem like a douche and a complainer. No one is forcing you to do cross country so don't complain

B52_fml 0

Send a private message

Saturday 21 March 2009 16:10

Having your grades "slip" is one thing, but FAILING gym? ydi.

Vaati_fml 20

Send a private message

Saturday 25 May 2013 2:00

Some people just are that athletic. I'm not.

quinny_1024 18

Send a private message

Saturday 12 July 2014 14:03

I'm not sure if it's different anywhere else but 90% of my gym grade was just showing up to class. It's not hard to do

Boomi 38

Send a private message

Sunday 9 October 2016 8:06

Um, some people are either injured/unfit and cannot meet some forms of a gym teacher's expectancy. I have a rare muscle condition in my calves making it hard for me to run or walk for extended periods of time, and if I push too hard my calves feel like fire and I fall. One of my gym teachers didn't believe me, so I got a doctor's note, showed it to them...and they still failed me in their class.

thisismyname_fml 1

Send a private message

Saturday 21 March 2009 16:11

To pass gym don't you have to just show up? Even if you aren't athletic all you have to do is make an ounce of effort. This feels like YDI.

cheyluvsturtles 30

Send a private message

Friday 17 June 2016 8:20

that depends on the teacher. my teacher marks points if you can't run fast enough

greenman_fml 0

Send a private message

Saturday 21 March 2009 16:12

Gym is tough huh? All that exercise and socializing. I wonder why more kids don't fail...

hippityhopp 2

Send a private message

Sunday 16 October 2011 22:08

Looks like someone is fat...

exil5 2

Send a private message

Saturday 7 July 2012 0:49

Hey man, my gym teacher's crazy. Last week of school, I thought it would be funny to skip while running a mile. He gave me detention and another mile to run.

DeanAshton9 0

Send a private message

Saturday 21 March 2009 16:12

i always hated the kids who did nothing in gym class who did nothing. All u have to do is try and u get a good grade ur an idiot.

SnuWolf 15

Send a private message

Monday 15 April 2013 10:10

The kids who did nothing in gym class who did nothing?

LostKezia 5

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 September 2013 23:48

i havent paricipated in gym class for abput 3 years now, at all, i have hypermobily so how do we know OP doesnt

Sigilwen 24

Send a private message

Thursday 21 August 2014 1:04

If op had something that prevented them from participating then I'm sure they would be excused from gym. Being as they said they failed it seems they just didn't try and had no reason not to.