Today, my mother found a hickey on my neck. Not believing that it was from the hungry 2-month-old child I was holding, she confronted my boyfriend about it. He promptly accused me of cheating. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my boyfriend keeps trying to convince me that the hickey on his neck was from his friend attacking him with a vacuum cleaner. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over with a hickey on his neck. He thinks "The vacuum did it" is a believable excuse. FML
Today, my mom noticed the hickey that I have on my neck. Embarrassed, I tried convincing her that I burnt myself using a hair straightener. She then told me that that's the same excuse she told my grandma when she got a hickey. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me a hickey. On my forehead. FML
Today, I was in my bedroom with my boyfriend and we were kissing. My mom then came into my room and started shouting at my boyfriend for cheating on her. FML
Today, my psycho and now ex-girlfriend accused me of cheating on her with my own mother. FML
Today, for our 8 month anniversary, my boyfriend bought me a hideous necklace with ugly charms hanging off it. I wore it anyway and got a rash from it on the side of my neck. After seeing the rash my boyfriend accused me of having a hickey from another guy and broke up with me. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend started a fake argument and pretended to be mad at me for four days, which was almost enough time for the gigantic hickey that my best friend gave her on her neck to heal. FML
Today, I surprised my boyfriend at work, only to notice that his neck was covered in hickies. The night before, he texted me saying he needed alone time to get his mind together. Looks like he got together with another mind. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was unsure of the future of our relationship, so he gave me a gigantic hickey to "show the world that I'm his." I work as a cashier and see people I know personally on a daily basis. FML
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Top comments
CoachBangWhore 5
That's why you don't let a toddler get to second base on you
nursestudent 5
That sucks ;)
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Comments (128)
ririzzle 2
Tired of FMLs saying "promptly"
simonsaysYDI 8
Tired of FML's that say "FML".
perdix 31
What we've learned today is that if you are more than six months old, you're a pedophile! How does a baby give a hickey with no ******' teeth?
junkman6 22
You really have no clue how a hickey works? Damn that's...... interesting.
perdix 31
Yes, I do. The biting part is what leaves the really nice bruise. ;)
ObsessedWithGays 7
I believe the "bruise" is from ruptured blood vessels.
BossPathfinderGM 14
Suction, more than anything else, is what pulls blood from the capillaries.
TBelle4Ever 15
Perdix, a hickey forms from the baby sucking on her neck, not biting.
Feklfekl2222 32
28- all bruises are ruptured blood vessels not just love bites
Jaxx66 21
70- that's what 28 said.
trivel64 16
What? Perdix slipped up? Thought I'd never see the day...
fmlallthetyme 23
Biting just leaves a better, more defined outline...
Feklfekl2222 32
Oh sorry my phones been playing up a bit at the moment
Enslaved 38
Hell! Then feed that baby! Don't let him/her suck on your neck to the point of leaving a hickey mark. What is wrong with you?
ydi_4_suking 20
It's between a hickey on the nipple or on the neck
TheMathMajor 26
It doesn't take that long to get a hicky (at least for me, I have sensitive skin). She could have stopped the baby quickly and still have gotten a mark if it sucked hard enough.
momogal 22
You've never had a baby latch on to any part of your skin have you? A baby I watched once latched onto my arm while I was rocking her. She let go immediately, but it still left a "hickey."
martin_martian7 11
Damn you baby!
PipingMouse 14
More like, Damn why didn't I pay more attention while I was babysitting.
mikeofthunder 13
It's like Planets of the Apes but with babies 0.o
PipingMouse 14
Can apes even get hickeys?
WrongRomance 11
Come on, you should have just said It was the vacuum. or you fell on a chair. Or you got hit in the neck while playing ping pong.
lacespace 8
Most babies I've encountered have been pretty slutty
stephan18 23
That's very weird..
lacespace 8
As I write this I'm sitting next to a topless baby. Case closed.
baronsmommy 14
My son once gave me a hickey on my chin when he was learning to give kisses, luckily my hubby was a witness so I didn't have to explain it later.
kittygirl21 5
Jeez I think the people around you need to gain a little trust.
berryblizzard 11
Mothers always over exaggerate huh.