Animals: Today, my husband threw out all of the spices in the cupboard....

By Tali - 28/07/2011 06:18 - Australia

Today, my husband threw out all of the spices in the cupboard. When I asked him why he said, "Our cat was named Spicy and I can't stand to look at them." Our recently deceased cat's name was Dicey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 616

You deserved it 3 319

Animals

Triage

Hiding from the drama

Mother of the year

By Adam - 16/03/2010 20:51 - United States

Today, I woke up to go pee and my cat followed me into the bathroom as usual. Then, in a not so usual fashion, she tried to jump from the sink to the top of the toilet, missed, and fell into the bowl while I was peeing. I'm scratched in a bad place, I have urine to clean up off the bathroom floor, and a traumatized cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 267

You deserved it 5 153

By Anonymous - 16/10/2014 19:30 - United States - Traverse City

Today, my wife yelled at me for being a bastard and not caring about her needs. I felt like an asshole and apologized for everything. It took me a few hours to realize I'd basically just apologized for unknowingly hanging the toilet paper the "wrong way" for her OCD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 741

You deserved it 5 900

By seriously_CAT - 21/10/2015 02:26

Today, I had to try to convince my roommate that, yes, you do need to use dish soap when you hand wash dishes because of bacteria in old food. She still won't believe me, insisting that, "there's no such thing as bacteria in food". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 523

You deserved it 1 596

By aww, such a nice guy. NOT - 25/05/2014 17:46 - United States - Dodge City

Today, the previously charming guy I've been seeing for the past two weeks tried to introduce a weekly sex quota into our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 317

You deserved it 6 634

By Anonymous - 28/10/2009 07:19 - United States

Today, I was in my car studying on the campus parking lot. It was cold outside so I had the windows up. I had a severe upset stomach and was privately drowning in my own flatulence. Moments later, my crush knocks on the window to ask me something. I had to roll the windows down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 843

You deserved it 6 839

By stuff - 16/08/2009 04:36 - United States

Today, I was calling my cable company to tell me how to fix my internet. I stayed on hold for almost half an hour, and then when someone finally picked up, my phone died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 594

You deserved it 6 283

By LOLOLOLOL - 20/08/2012 08:55 - United States - Greensboro

Today, I watched as some idiot made a bad U-turn and I laughed. I then turned into another car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 392

You deserved it 37 627

By pokie - 30/08/2009 05:38 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that my fantasy was for him to eat me out on the dinner table. My boyfriend told me his was me in a Pikachu costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 790

You deserved it 9 357

By SlowPacker - 09/03/2016 07:07 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my family informed me that we were going on a 10 hour road trip to my cousin's wedding. They only decided to tell me 45 minutes before we left for said road trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 706

You deserved it 1 448

By hoovered - 04/03/2009 16:24 - United States

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to give me a "hickey" with a vacuum cleaner while I was passed out drunk. Not only do I have to try and explain this to my girlfriend, but we're meeting her parents for lunch this afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 906

You deserved it 22 401

Personality matters

By hjufidskndf - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has been asked by multiple people, "Why are you going out with such an ugly girl?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 851

You deserved it 4 145

By stupidgirlll - 26/06/2009 08:09 - United States

Today, I was excited about showing off my new haircut. All my friends thought it looked really good and it made me look older. What did my boyfriend think? He said I look like a little girl and he was afraid to kiss me in public because he didn't want someone to think he was a pedophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 150

You deserved it 7 363

By Anonymous - 22/01/2017 16:00

Today, while I was at the gym, I saw a guy walk into the girls locker room. I was walking nearby so I said, "Hey man, that's the wrong one." Turns out it was just a very masculine-looking woman, with a very masculine haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 758

You deserved it 2 238

By Help - 16/06/2018 20:30

Today, it's the 11th day of my migraine. I've drunk enough water to piss crystal clear, eaten every type of food there is, slept for days, and tried every remedy in my medicine cabinet. Nothing made a dent in the splitting pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 827

You deserved it 257

By Miramichi - 30/05/2011 12:18 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he pees on the toilet seat just to piss me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 522

You deserved it 8 926

By Gurl - 07/09/2012 22:32 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, the iPhone app I downloaded that plays cricket noises during the night, has attracted a horde of actual crickets into my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 400

You deserved it 28 494

By Loser - 21/08/2013 15:17 - United States

Today, I got my girlfriend to play Smash Bros Brawl with me. As it was her first time, I set up handicaps to give her at least a shot at winning. She won, quite handily. A little irritated at this, I took off the handicaps and tried again. She beat me even faster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 685

You deserved it 26 195

By gingerninja - 02/11/2010 17:43 - United Kingdom

Today, our class was focusing on discrimination, and our teacher asked us if anyone had ever felt discriminated against. I put my hand up to share a story, and my teacher immediately said "It's because you're ginger, isn't it?" That's not what I was going to say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 392

You deserved it 7 628

By mmckie - 11/06/2019 22:00

Today, I went into a restaurant with my family. I slipped off my chair, pulling the tablecloth with all the food and drinks on it with me onto the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 650

You deserved it 402

By Mrs.Slyfox - 28/06/2011 09:53 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend informed me that he'd resolved all the issues with his ex and is getting back together with her. Normally I could tolerate this if it weren't for the fact that I just moved to a different country to live with him, and turned down a university and a scholarship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 222

You deserved it 58 306

By fuck you, bitchcake - 10/11/2013 18:26 - Canada - Dartmouth

Today, at the movies, some asswipe kept throwing candy at me. After 20 minutes of it, I got up and went over to get him to stop. Good news: his balls vanished faster than a politician's spine immediately after being elected. Bad news: I got kicked out for "starting a disturbance". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 246

You deserved it 3 765

Dash!

By pokeOww - 13/09/2019 22:00

Today, my brother thought it'd be hilarious to tease a group of Pokémon players. They thought it'd be hilarious to beat both our asses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 1 349

By Jack - 03/04/2013 21:40

Today, my washing machine broke down, within its warranty. I asked my neighbour if she could open the door for the mechanic while I was at work; she agreed. When I came home, I had a bill for 80 bucks for not opening the door. Her reason? She was busy watching her favorite TV show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 508

You deserved it 5 114

By hikari_chan_xo - 28/03/2012 12:00 - United States - Auburn Hills

Today, I dislocated my elbow chasing my cat around the hardwood floors of my house in knee-high socks and wiping out going around a corner. The doctors suggested that I not tell people how it happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 492

You deserved it 21 210

By Anonymous - 16/09/2014 20:31 - United Kingdom - Truro

Today, I had a conversation with a girl I don't normally talk to. She ended up saying I'm "not as annoying as everyone says." and "Oh... you didn't know?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 110

You deserved it 3 342

By Hannah - 01/03/2010 03:16 - United States

Today, I got excited because I found a chat line for teens who are dealing with depression. I signed up and was about to enter the chat room and then a message popped up that said ''Sorry this is only available for teens in the United Kingdom.'' FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 777

You deserved it 4 435

By Anonymous - 17/01/2014 02:51 - United States - Landenberg

Today, I downloaded Grindr to my phone. It also downloaded to my mom's phone, my dad's phone, and my brother's phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 071

You deserved it 22 827

By tnt007 - 10/01/2010 21:46 - France

Today, I saw what I thought was a gallon jug of water. Trying to do something spontaneous and fun, I took my hardest swing at it to see how far I could kick it. It was frozen solid. I broke my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 394

You deserved it 43 814

By TheAnnoyedNeighbor - 03/10/2011 06:08 - United States

Today, I came back home to find that my house had been robbed, one week after my neighbors. I was walking around my neighborhood to see if anything was suspicious, and discovered that my neighbors had put up a sign, reading: "Rob the neighbors, THEY don't have a security system." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 410

You deserved it 3 262

By Anonymous - 19/01/2010 01:56 - United States

Today, I walked into Jamba Juice like I do every day. I decided to order something different than I usually do, and was flattered when the cashier recognized me. Then he switched places with another employee, and from the back room I hear "Hey, ugly's back again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 002

You deserved it 3 112

By Anonymous - 04/03/2010 00:36 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be amusing to sneak into my room and jump me in my bed. Too bad that when she jumped, one of her knees landed on my crotch. I haven't been able to walk properly since this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 590

You deserved it 3 082

By Ella - 05/07/2011 11:48 - Australia

Today, I tried to talk to my boyfriend about our communication problems. He fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 182

You deserved it 7 575

By KalaKa - 20/12/2014 20:45 - United States

Today, I sent my girlfriend a long-overdue message telling her I feel like she doesn't really care about me any more, that it seems like she only ever calls me when she needs money, and that I'm even starting to suspect she may be cheating on me. 14 hours later, she replied: "TL;DR". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 887

You deserved it 3 769

By Anonymous - 07/11/2013 22:21 - United Kingdom - Derry

Today, everything that was beautiful and pure in my life turned into a terrible, warped version of what it once was. Today, I lost all hope and no longer believe that life, although sometimes shitty, is sweet and worth living. Today, I met my mother-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 600

You deserved it 5 896

By Anonymous - 24/12/2011 08:38 - United States

Today, I worked 4 hours for a huge mail call to get all the troops their Christmas mail. And just like every other mail call I did not receive one package or letter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 016

You deserved it 2 498

Mystery

By Death_Arc_Angel - 22/01/2021 09:09 - Trinidad and Tobago - Fyzabad

Today, we're in the middle of a contagious deadly pandemic, and despite not having physical/sexual contact with anyone in over a year, I managed to contract herpes. I don't even know how I got it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 222

You deserved it 128

By Anonymous - 29/06/2016 12:24 - United States - Houston

Today, a wasp ended up in the house. Normally, I'd just open a door to outside and run for cover, but my 3-year-old son was home, so I decided to be brave and kill it. It flew into the air vents. We're now playing wasp roulette every time we enter a room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 348

You deserved it 1 809

Milkmaid

By Heifer - 16/05/2009 21:41 - United States

Today, when done feeding my newborn, I stated to my husband that I'm a cow. He said, in a sincere tone, "Oh, baby, you'll lose the weight soon." I meant cow because I'm producing so much milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 827

You deserved it 21 292

By ohaifml - 04/09/2011 21:17 - United States

Today, my dad got into an argument with the cashier about how overpriced the scented tampons were. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 426

You deserved it 2 810

By feelinnauseous - 24/06/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, I went to a new bar downtown with some friends. I was a little buzzed and had to pee so bad. I rushed into the bathroom and as I sat down I felt a squish on my upper thigh. Turns out the last person in the stall decided to take a shit on the toilet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 927

You deserved it 15 689

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

xShannonxSammyx 7

Send a private message

Thursday 28 July 2011 16:24

So... FML I don't have any more spices, or FML my husband can't remember our dead cat's name?

RebornProblem 0

Send a private message

Thursday 28 July 2011 16:24

Was he high the entire lifetime of your cat?

slitherbomb 0

Send a private message

Thursday 28 July 2011 16:21

Dicey, Spicey; WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?

Ugi 26

Send a private message

Thursday 28 July 2011 16:59

2 points - or 6 on a triple-word-score.

slitherbomb 0

Send a private message

Thursday 28 July 2011 17:15

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

pertained 12

Send a private message

Thursday 28 July 2011 18:18

yeah, even I have no clue.

cooldukenukem 2

Send a private message

Thursday 28 July 2011 18:20

OP should be glad he didn't think the cat's name was wifey.

Mesocoollike 8

Send a private message

Thursday 28 July 2011 18:32

R.I.P Spicy, whoever you are

obviousboy 8

Send a private message

Thursday 28 July 2011 18:32

It's called words with friends.

kaylapple 1

Send a private message

Thursday 28 July 2011 18:35

for scrabble or words with friends.

groundzeromma 8

Send a private message

Thursday 28 July 2011 19:37

who names their cat Dicey or Spicy anyways?

dolphincheddar 10

Send a private message

Thursday 28 July 2011 21:18

don't diss spicey 49, or I will assign you as his new scratching post. he's my pet sabre tooth liger,

anataliaguerrero 0

Send a private message

Thursday 28 July 2011 23:58

epic win^

USMC_FTW 3

Send a private message

Friday 29 July 2011 0:42

1, the difference is a s and p in place of the d, i hope this enlightens you.

edogy2 1

Send a private message

Friday 29 July 2011 6:37

1- Slitherbomb, Shitterbomb, WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?!?!

RJM_isaBeast 0

Send a private message

Friday 29 July 2011 8:33

YOU DID NOT.

Punkpoptart1119 20

Send a private message

Friday 29 July 2011 20:51

#1: the difference is the letters. You know..spicy is spelled with a 's' and a 'p' is also thrown in there..let us know when you go back to kindergarten to learn how to read..

xShannonxSammyx 7

Send a private message

Thursday 28 July 2011 16:24

So... FML I don't have any more spices, or FML my husband can't remember our dead cat's name?

WiderWille 11

Send a private message

Thursday 28 July 2011 16:48

Its a 2-in-1 FML. We have recession and must save on everything.

Ugi 26

Send a private message

Thursday 28 July 2011 16:57

I think it's "FML - my husband is demented".

AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml 12

Send a private message

Thursday 28 July 2011 17:02

I think it's "FML, we named our cat dices..."

AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml 12

Send a private message

Thursday 28 July 2011 17:05

Dicey*

CanWeMicrowaveIt 11

Send a private message

Thursday 28 July 2011 18:04

Maybe it's just me... But My cat has many different names to everyone surrounding her real name. So it's more than likely he nicknamed it Spicy cuz of it's color/attitude. Just my guess.

X_Codes 11

Send a private message

Friday 29 July 2011 9:25

FYL for your cat dying. YDI for marrying a retard.

RebornProblem 0

Send a private message

Thursday 28 July 2011 16:24

Was he high the entire lifetime of your cat?

poisonflower 6

Send a private message

Thursday 28 July 2011 20:06

With a name like Dicey they both must've been high.

RebornProblem 0

Send a private message

Thursday 28 July 2011 21:55

It's the only logical explanation.

redsfan 4

Send a private message

Friday 29 July 2011 3:00

Maybe op is the crazy one and the cat's name was Spicey.

Gotrees 0

Send a private message

Friday 29 July 2011 9:18

aw. give em a break. their cat just died.

leeshxx 3

Send a private message

Friday 29 July 2011 15:35

must've been one big joint.

CCrunner2 0

Send a private message

Thursday 28 July 2011 16:24

Win

rebeldevil 4

Send a private message

Thursday 28 July 2011 17:31

do me a favor and explain how this is a win?

Garyy_fml 11

Send a private message

Thursday 28 July 2011 18:48

It doesn't win; he wanted to be the first comment.

J1hill33 12

Send a private message

Thursday 28 July 2011 16:25

so I guess that means he never really took care if the cat?

lucas002 0

Send a private message

Friday 29 July 2011 3:56

go save the dice before you correct him.

TheMasticater 9

Send a private message

Friday 29 July 2011 6:33

spicy is a much better name anyway.

livlafluv100 2

Send a private message

Thursday 28 July 2011 16:25

have his hearing checked.

takanuva0123 0

Send a private message

Thursday 28 July 2011 19:32

Spicey Dicey. Dicey Spicy. Slicey and Dicey?

saIty 17

Send a private message

Thursday 28 July 2011 16:25

That's just how upset he is. You should leave him in his man cave for a couple days, to regroup himself.

Llamassss 21

Send a private message

Thursday 28 July 2011 16:25

Although I think he's taking it a little extreme.. I have a cat named Daisy, but we also call her Biscuit, Busy Bee, etc. So it's not far-fetched for him to have been calling the cat Spicy as well as Dicey.

dani212 0

Send a private message

Thursday 28 July 2011 22:09

I have a cat named Daisy too! lol We call her Daisy though >.

SeedlessMe 13

Send a private message

Friday 29 July 2011 1:24

I know this is kind of random, but my dogs name is Lucy, but I call her Goose. --Geese are gonna depress the crap outta me when she's gone.. :(

Llamassss 21

Send a private message

Friday 29 July 2011 3:03

Lol 62, we have so many "pet" names for our Daisy. Also, I used to live in south Jersey but now I'm in Florida. and 72, I had a dog named Lucy but my parents still have her in New Jersey. haha :D