Today, the cat climbed up to the spice shelf while I was cooking. As I looked up and told him to leave, he tipped over a chili container which coated my face with chili powder. The bloody pain in my eyes then made me knock over a pot of boiling water. FML
Collection
College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I spent six hours making chicken and black bean chili for a big family gathering. I go to use the restroom. I come back to the pot on the floor with my cat standing in the chili, eating it. FML
Today, while chopping green chilies, I accidentally rubbed my eyes. It currently feels like Satan pissed hellfire straight into my right eye. FML
Today, while grabbing a husk of corn out of the boiling hot pot, I splashed hot water on my neck, dropped the corn on my injured toe, and cut myself on the counters, all while my family laughed at my pain. FML
Today, I managed to spill piping hot oil all over my kitchen floor, thinking it was too hot to clean right then and there I left it for a few hours to cool. I forgot about it, and slipped over in it bashing my head into my cupboard handle. FML
Today, I confidently told my friends I had a high spice tolerance and took a shot of insanely hot ghost pepper sauce. I immediately hiccuped, tears started streaming down my cheeks, and I coughed so hard I fell off my chair and knocked stuff off of the table. We were in a restaurant. FML
Today, my cat knocked over a cup of scalding hot tea - but don't worry, the carpet wasn't damaged. It went all over my leg instead leaving a nice big scar for my holiday. FML
Today, I was reaching for something in the back of the refrigerator. The bottle of hot sauce that was in front of it fell and broke. Not only did the glass cut my feet up, but the hot sauce got in the fresh wounds. FML
Today, I had a sore throat, and I'd read that drops of Tabasco sauce on your tongue helps. I aimed the bottle at my tongue and the whole cap came off, covering my face and filling my mouth with Tabasco sauce, causing me to blow chunks all over the kitchen floor. FML
Today, at work, I got chilli powder in my eye. Now not only do I have a swollen, blistered eye, but I am covered in milk as my boss assured me that would help. FML
Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML
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Top comments
Trainn 19
Savage cat.
latenerd 11
Sounds like a cat all right.
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Comments (50)
bluehairedSam 11
Ouch!
Ominous_NomNom 13
A downvote for saying ouch. WTF.
Trainn 19
Savage cat.
floup_fml 13
be careful, he is trying to kill you!
floup_fml 13
he was paid to murder you!
mariri9206 32
No need to comment it twice, dude.
Lalala579121 28
Probably a double post with an edit. But still just better to just admit to the double posting.
_EnderDoge 22
Does your cat happen to speak English?
Jord_Fox 14
Somebody had a tantrum
latenerd 11
Sounds like a cat all right.
retro_teddy_bear 2
To just "knock over" a pot of water is pretty hard. Unless you swung your hand under the handle and then lifted up with 10 or so pounds of force, it would have just sloshed around and slid a little bit, because stove rings are made to be anti-skid. I made an account just to point out the bs.
mariri9206 32
On my stove, my pot slides around when I'm stirring noodles unless I hold the handle, so, no, stove rings are not made to be anti-skid, especially metal ones. The only bs here is your comment.
DravensTheName 16
So you made a new account to point out OP's bs while your own comment itself is bs. It's almost like it's bsception. And to #9, same here man. Damn thing is slicker than ky
ashyash90 8
I know someone who ran by the stove when they were younger and hit the handle of a pan just right to have it flip and pour alllll over her forearm and cause horrific burns. So....false.
Kalilahshmeow 8
Op said they climbed up to the shelf so the extra force of them stepping or falling down would be more than enough to knock over even a stock pot...
DravensTheName 16
I think you read the fml wrong, 15
mfmylifesrsly 30
"My stove top is anti skid, so therefore ALL stove tops are like this!" No, just no. Also OP could have accidentally pushed down on the pot, which would make it easy to tip.
ellabellaboom 24
Wow what a waste of an account man as well as the time you took to make it...your logic is pure bs.
Ominous_NomNom 13
I pegged this one as a fake as well. Not even a good one. Not a single moment was spent making this even remotely believable.
yerawizardlizzy 27
Or they could have brought their arm down on top of the handle causing the pan to flip.
IorvethTheXolo 8
If you don't hold the handle of the pot you're stirring on my stove, it would be very easy to slide the whole thing right to the floor. It also depends on what kind of pot you're boiling water in. If it's a big, tall pot with the little handles, sure, it's a little harder to knock over, but I don't always need to boil a massive amount water. Many times, I'll use one of my smaller pots which has a long handle. I, personally, am a HUGE stickler for making sure ANYONE using a pot like that never ever leaves the handle sticking out where it could get caught on someone's sleeve or anything else because of the potential to be pulled right off the stove. I also have a burner that isn't completely flat, so it's already a little tilted in the right direction to slide off. We don't all have perfect stoves.
retro_teddy_bear 2
you guys either have cheap or old stove rings then. Every one I've used was anti-skid/slip. And I've used many different stoves.
Mangascribbler 19
I don't know if anyone has told you yet, but your cat might be an asshole.
ashyash90 8
You don't necessarily deserve it but ALWAYS keep the cover tight on your spices! That way this won't happen and they will stay fresher longer!
wow2mylife 25
guess you haven't been around cats a lot
Ominous_NomNom 13
See! Perfectly sound, logical advice. But because you didn't use the word "cat" or "poor baby" you were immediately down voted.
sarcasmismyno1 22
No, it's bc judgement was subtly implied
Lalala579121 28
It's kinda hard to cook with spices if you "ALWAYS" keep the covers on.
zeffra13 31
I'd only say it's not OP's fault if OP was using the pepper for that meal, specifically had already used some so it had been opened & was planning to use more which is why it hadn't been closed properly. Otherwise YDI because cats tend to knock things over & cleaning up spilled spices from the stovetop/counter/floor isn't fun. Plus then you need to buy more.