Today, my husband ran at me, groaning like a zombie. I was so startled that I screamed, punched him, and started sobbing. Now he won't talk to me because this is 'the first step on the road of domestic violence'. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my boyfriend and I got into a heated argument. He raised his hand like he was going to hit me. Having been hit by my ex before, I panicked and instinctively kicked his legs out from under him. He then dumped me because he said he was just gonna scare me, but I used real violence on him. FML
Today, I received a call from my husband of 10 years from prison. He sobbed on the phone as he explained to me that his anger got the best of him, and couldn’t control himself. He beat the pulp out of a classmate of his for declining a date with him, and sent her to the hospital. FML
Today, my husband came home with tears in his eyes. I ran and asked him why he was crying. He said he wasn't, but he finally admitting to talking to a woman in a bar who, when she noticed his wedding ring, sprayed him with mace. FML
Today, my husband came home and groped my ass, so I tossed cold water into his face to make him back off. He's now acting like I sprayed him with toxic acid waste now. What a baby. FML
Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML
Today, my husband smacked me quite hard, and I have a black eye as a result. It's not a case of a domestic abuse, it was 100% unintended because he was sleeping and had a really bad dream that made him swing his arm. He's feeling bad about it, and I would laugh it off, but I have an important meeting tonight. FML
Today, I tried to talk to my soon-to-be-husband about how he needs to take a more active approach in his own life. It devolved to him screaming at me and putting words in my mouth. This has been going on for six months. FML
Today, my soon-to-be-ex husband threw an epic tantrum, with crying, snotty nose, throwing himself on the floor, grabbing me by my feet, begging me not to leave him, and that he’s “so sorry” after I confronted him about the sexts and nudes he’s been sending to another woman. FML
Today, there was a knock at my door, and I was greeted by a punch to the face. The man was the extremely angry "fiancé" of the girl I've been married to for just over a year. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, my fiancé started yelling gibberish in his sleep. When I tried to wake him, he punched me square in the face. FML
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Top comments
Tempuser117 2
Rule #2 Double Tap. Might want to punch him again just in case.
redbluegreen 41
I have no idea on how to respong either.
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Comments (92)
ZeroMachine 3
One can never be too prepared for the zombie apocalypse. He's lucky to be married to someone with the kind of kung-fu reflexes and guts to punch a zombie in the face.
BoW2Me 0
now if you had the right perks, this wouldn't have happened. you had three options: 1) Speedy Cola would have allowed you to run away and he wouldnt be able to catch you. 2) Jugg-A-Nog would have allowed you to take four of five hits from him before going down, depending on which type of zombie he is of course. 3) not really a perk, but if you would have happened to have insta-kill on, you would not have to deal with his bitchyness later because he would be dead, and you would be up 130 points. Let's just hope that if this happens in the future, you heed my advice and think twice before trying to take on zombies with just your fist.
LetsRollOut 2
Nazi Zombies, ftw!!
xXMudkipNoobXx 7
its Speed Cola and Jugger-Nog not Speedy Cola or Jugg-A-Nog
the_hero_of_time 0
you really got that scared? wow I didn't know 4 year olds could get married
InfiniteSecret 20
Some people get scared more easily than others.
lostfaithinpppl 19
YDI moron. Learn to control your reflexes.
persianjr1 7
Thats just sad. at least he has a sense of humor?
HudzonGuy 0
this is funny
savong24 0
zombieland!!!!
fearfulsymmetry 1
Seriously? OP, you are PATHETIC. You were sobbing because your husband was impersonating a zombie? Are you ******* kidding me?
AtoZnumbersand_ 1
Please. She didn't hit him because she was angry. She hit him pretty much by accident. If a man hit his wife because she jumped at him and it was a reflex, people would be saying the same stuff. Instinctively punching someone when you've been shocked is not domestic violence whether a man or a woman does it. Stop being such a wimp.
kalejaxson 5
Wow you are both weird. You're perfect for each other. :)