Today, my husband ran at me, groaning like a zombie. I was so startled that I screamed, punched him, and started sobbing. Now he won't talk to me because this is 'the first step on the road of domestic violence'. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my boyfriend and I got into a heated argument. He raised his hand like he was going to hit me. Having been hit by my ex before, I panicked and instinctively kicked his legs out from under him. He then dumped me because he said he was just gonna scare me, but I used real violence on him. FML
Today, I received a call from my husband of 10 years from prison. He sobbed on the phone as he explained to me that his anger got the best of him, and couldn’t control himself. He beat the pulp out of a classmate of his for declining a date with him, and sent her to the hospital. FML
Today, my husband came home with tears in his eyes. I ran and asked him why he was crying. He said he wasn't, but he finally admitting to talking to a woman in a bar who, when she noticed his wedding ring, sprayed him with mace. FML
Today, my husband came home and groped my ass, so I tossed cold water into his face to make him back off. He's now acting like I sprayed him with toxic acid waste now. What a baby. FML
Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML
Today, my husband smacked me quite hard, and I have a black eye as a result. It's not a case of a domestic abuse, it was 100% unintended because he was sleeping and had a really bad dream that made him swing his arm. He's feeling bad about it, and I would laugh it off, but I have an important meeting tonight. FML
Today, I tried to talk to my soon-to-be-husband about how he needs to take a more active approach in his own life. It devolved to him screaming at me and putting words in my mouth. This has been going on for six months. FML
Today, my soon-to-be-ex husband threw an epic tantrum, with crying, snotty nose, throwing himself on the floor, grabbing me by my feet, begging me not to leave him, and that he’s “so sorry” after I confronted him about the sexts and nudes he’s been sending to another woman. FML
Today, there was a knock at my door, and I was greeted by a punch to the face. The man was the extremely angry "fiancé" of the girl I've been married to for just over a year. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, my fiancé started yelling gibberish in his sleep. When I tried to wake him, he punched me square in the face. FML
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Top comments
Tempuser117 2
Rule #2 Double Tap. Might want to punch him again just in case.
redbluegreen 41
I have no idea on how to respong either.
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Comments (92)
fambrosio 0
This is the second funniest zombie story involving a husband and wife and domestic abuse that I've read in a while...but really this is funny...well not the domestic abuse part...well maybe a little.
Jess_4602 0
really op? You started sobbing? wow
cabbitt 0
It this were reversed, she'd deserve the punch. It isn't as if she intentionally hit him, she was startled and "fight or flight" kicked in.
tygerarmy 35
Your husband is not a zombie. He was playing around. Why did you punch your husband? Why did you start crying?
SympathyearAbs 0
Oh my god, my sister did the same thing to me! Really, some people are just freaked out by zombies. She panics every time I even moan like one. And as for people asking why she's crying, it's just what some people do when they're badly startled. Again, my sister does the same thing, and why I don't surprise her. Her husband deserved to be punched, if he's married to her, he should have known she would react like this and not done it.
fearfulsymmetry 1
And you are just as stupid as the OP.
DocBastard 40
Very well, I will do as you ask. I will stop commenting forever because you told me to. Goodbye, FML.
experience333 0
ydi ******* pussy
hiphopper101 0
what a pussy
pinkdottedbow 0
Yes, 28, that is unreasonable and completely abnormal. You may want to see an endocrinologist for that hormone imbalance.
bobsanction 18
He should be happy you're prepared to defend yourself if he ever becomes undead.