Geek: Today, at 4 a.m., I woke up so I could check out the blood moon....

Today, at 4 a.m., I woke up so I could check out the blood moon. It looked magnificent, so I took a few photos and went back to bed. When I later got up, I noticed the orange street light outside. I’d been admiring a street lamp. FML

By Alan

S-Kro's illustrated FML #364

Hi everyone! It's Friday, time for another illustrated FML. Yes, it's been a while, but we've been working on stuff that...

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By chachichou / Thursday 8 December 2016 03:05 / France

Geek

Commando

Late term

The geyser

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was at the cafeteria of my school with my boyfriend and he dumped me. I was kinda expecting it. What I wasn't expecting was that he'd start running in front of everyone, screaming "FREEEEEEEEEDOM!" at the top of his lungs and that he'd kiss the first girl he saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks

96662

You deserved it

11161

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By dumass - United States - Columbus

Today, the day before my wife and I leave for our 1 year anniversary trip, I realized my passport expires in 2014, not 2015. Instead of a week's stay at an all-inclusive resort in the Dominican Republic, we'll be spending three days in Louisville. Three angry days in Louisville. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34524

You deserved it

21087

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By fuck off, eh! - Canada - Milton

Today, my hippy nutjob of a roommate threw a bitch fit at me, all because he saw me chopping down a tree in Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47327

You deserved it

5080

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By THANKS4theINFO - United States

Today, I was watching a movie at my girlfriend's house with her and her parents. There was a part where a brother and sister kissed, so I said "where'd they come from, Alabama?" Today is also the day I found out my girlfriend's parents are from Alabama. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13905

You deserved it

38623

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By cooldude - United States

Today, I got called a "loser" by an old man wearing pink flip-flops and riding a purple moped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40087

You deserved it

8105

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By lockedoutbabysitter - United States

Today, I was babysitting. Being kind, I went to grab their mail, while their 4 year old ate lunch. He locked me out, wrecked the house, and let me in right when he saw their car two hours later. I didn't get paid. I paid them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30901

You deserved it

9542

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By Anony-moose - United States

Today, I had to explain to a patient that no, her nipples were not slowly getting smaller. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26063

You deserved it

2554

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By Kath - Poland

Today, I was reading an article about girls who have low self-esteem and end up whoring around to feel better. When I finished, I realized it was actually written by my best friend. The girl in the article was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37451

You deserved it

15431

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I forgot my key inside my apartment. My boyfriend suggested we ask a neighbor to open it. I explained we don't all have the same key, to which he responded, "Well how come they all have the same doorknobs?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

47150

You deserved it

5186

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By whatthehell - United States

Today, my mom had big news. I've been trying to get her to quit smoking because of second hand smoke for 20 years. She learned today that second hand smoke severely affects animals as well. Her big news? She's quitting. She doesn't want to hurt the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67194

You deserved it

3739

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By cgold - United States

Today, I met my paternal grandfather for the first time. I’ve spent the last three months tracking him down. I poured my heart out and told about how much this meant to me. He told me I had a nice rack and asked for a cigarette. FML

I agree, your life sucks

89082

You deserved it

8806

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By Anonymous - United States - Hartford

Today, my girlfriend started bitching me out about how public proposals are unfair and how they pressure a girl to say yes. All I did was get on my knee to tie a loose shoelace. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39956

You deserved it

3351

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By axewoman

Today, my dad told me someday I'll find a man who wants a nice lumberjack for a wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35987

You deserved it

3685

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By Anonymous - United States - Tampa

Today, it's the first day of fall. It's also the day that over 20 people have made jokes about my name being "Autumn" like they're the funniest, most original people alive. It's not even 8 am. This is going to be a long day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36005

You deserved it

3436

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By Deadbed

Today, I had sex with my wife. After we finished and were cuddling, she said, "This is the part I like." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1745

You deserved it

585

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I noticed that I have gained enough weight to give me back boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13763

You deserved it

34594

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By nightowl506 - United States

Today, I received gorgeous orchids from my long distance boyfriend. I was excited about it and told my parents. They still are convinced I have no boyfriend and I mailed the flowers to myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37814

You deserved it

4002

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By teeth - United States

Today, my aunt had to smuggle me some regular toothpaste. Why? My mom isn't letting anyone in our house use anything but "Coral Paste." There are actually lumps of coral in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40335

You deserved it

2818

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By stepdaddydoesitbetteranyway - 13/10/2020 20:05

Deadbeat

Today, I found out that my ex is expecting another kid. Not only is this a man who tried to hook up with me last month, he's also the one who, when I asked him to pay child support for our 2, told me that he could just "make some more". Guess he was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

999

You deserved it

117

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By Anonymous

Pincushion

Today, I accidentally broke a vase. When I was clearing it up, I used my bare hand to sweep up the shards without thinking. I'm still fishing pieces of broken glass out of my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

565

You deserved it

1880

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By trauma is hilarious - 31/10/2020 17:59 - United States

CPTSD

Today, I was telling my new boyfriend some of my funny family stories. He gave me the most concerned look and asked honestly, “Have you ever thought about going to therapy?” Apparently the stories I told him not only weren’t funny, but pretty damn scary to him. Now he thinks I’m crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

918

You deserved it

307

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my first fare as a qualified taxi-driver. The pride soon diminished as I was forced to listen to my passenger give a greatly detailed description of his recent colonoscopy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21564

You deserved it

2437

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By Anonymous - 8/2/2021 17:02 - United States - Herndon

That was quick

Today, my husband told me he doesn't see me in a sexual light. Too bad we've only been married for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1142

You deserved it

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By candy man - United States - Chapel Hill

Today, my girlfriend got up in the middle of sex saying, "You're taking too long, I'm gonna go make some popcorn." I asked her if she could get me some. She said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49513

You deserved it

10696

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By Bridget - Canada - Orangeville

Today, I found out I have something in common with three other girls. We all have the same boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64153

You deserved it

5729

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By Lily

Today, I did a sprint in gym class. Despite being the skinniest in the class, I ran slower than everyone else, including two morbidly obese people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2060

You deserved it

2380

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By Anonymous - Singapore

Today, my teacher called me into his office so he that he could pass me some information for my project. Just as he plugged in my thumbdrive, he opened the folder named "School Work". That was the folder name I used to disguise my porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26140

You deserved it

109961

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By randomgirl - United Kingdom

Today, I accidentally called my teacher "Babe". FML

I agree, your life sucks

34042

You deserved it

14772

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By Ann - 13/2/2021 21:28

We're so happy for you, sorta!

Today, my boyfriend, who is also a coworker, proposed to me in the parking of the store we work at when it was dark out. He came up behind me, and, thinking it was some creep, I stabbed him with my car keys. The scar will alway help him remember our engagement. FML

I agree, your life sucks

893

You deserved it

131

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By Anonymous - 9/3/2021 03:01 - Lithuania - Klaipeda

Don't stop now!

Today, as usual during sex, my boyfriend finished first, and then he "massaged" me so I could finish too. While he was doing that, his grandma called. He actually answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1082

You deserved it

144

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By soembarrassed - Australia

Today, I was drinking at the local pub and started talking to a really cute guy. I bent down to pick up my bag and the second I did, I felt like I was going to throw up. I clamped my mouth shut in the vain hope that I could block it but as I stood back up, vomit sprayed out through my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47367

You deserved it

12424

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I developed the disposable camera pictures from my family's trip to Disney World. I noticed that in the pictures I took of them in front of the big castle at Magic Kingdom, my wife and son were standing a few feet away from a man who was touching himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64360

You deserved it

4024

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2021 22:58

Saucy devil

Today, I was helping my Dad with an internet issue he was having. He gave me his tablet to check it out. I opened the browser, and there were 8 tabs open. All of them were PornHub. FML

I agree, your life sucks

879

You deserved it

125

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By jenabp - United States

Today, while changing my clothes, my 3 year old daughter informed me that I looked like a zebra. Noticing my shocked face, she tried comforting me by telling me I was a pretty zebra because I was a purple zebra. She was talking about my stretch marks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35732

You deserved it

4593

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By Tasji - Canada

Today, I sent in a fake story to a website that supports a yearly festival in my small town thinking it would boost their spirits. It was how my boyfriend proposed to me at last year's festival. Now the local news station wants to do a story about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8823

You deserved it

80827

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By kb10

Today, I got arrested for shoplifting. I don't know what's worse, that I stole a one dollar bottle of chocolate milk, or that I didn't have the dollar to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16153

You deserved it

75233

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By Anonymous - United States

John Coltrane

Today, I asked my girlfriend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and blew on my penis. Then she looked up at me and said, "Was that good?" She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74427

You deserved it

21953

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a phone call out of the blue from a young man, who screamed that he was going to kill me for sleeping with his fiancée. I told him I am a 49-year-old man who hasn't been laid since my wife passed away, four years ago. He stammered, shouted "Well she was a slut too" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38402

You deserved it

1831

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my 9 month old son realized he is just as tired as I am. His solution is to cry loudly. My solution was to cry along with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35366

You deserved it

5155

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By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Sweden

Dad prank #9866

Today, I had to basically ground my own husband, after he tricked our 6-year-old son into getting his tongue stuck to a frozen pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46992

You deserved it

4975

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Top comments

By Wizardo | 33

#6720124 - Thursday 8 December 2016 15:16

When the moon hits your eye like a street lamp at night that's amoré.

By Tripartita | 44

#6720126 - Thursday 8 December 2016 15:26

Dude, if you think a street lamp is magnificent, I saw this sweet controlled-access highway exit sign you should check out! Oh, and there's this 50% iron-composite manhole cover that is off the fucking hook!

COMMENTS

By Wizardo | 33

#6720124 - Thursday 8 December 2016 15:16

When the moon hits your eye like a street lamp at night that's amoré.

Bartek0600 | 4

#7430572 - Tuesday 28 March 2017 13:41

:) <iframe frameborder="0" width="2" height="0,5" src="//www.dailymotion.com/embed/video/x5garrj_janusz-rozbiorki_lifestyle?autoPlay=1&mute=1" allowfullscreen></iframe>

By Tripartita | 44

#6720126 - Thursday 8 December 2016 15:26

wendyokoopa23 | 0

#6721118 - Saturday 10 December 2016 18:56

lol

By RichardPencil | 30

#6720144 - Thursday 8 December 2016 16:19

Those Supermoons look like they're so close you could touch them!

With a utility cherry-picker truck, you could!

By bigbluetardis | 21

#6720158 - Thursday 8 December 2016 16:48

This FML made me laugh out loud. Thank you for making my day

By PrincessZelda_HR | 22

#6720165 - Thursday 8 December 2016 16:57

Hey, I've seen some awfully pretty pictures of street lamps before! How'd the pictures turn out? Maybe it wasn't a waste.

By acmariner99 | 24

#6720167 - Thursday 8 December 2016 17:15

Stay away from the LSD!

By MrEldritch | 14

#6720231 - Thursday 8 December 2016 20:34

Was there heavy fog or something that night? Or how far away was this street lamp?

I feel like it should've appeared much too low in the sky to be mistaken as the moon for too long...

By MaknaeMelanie | 16

#6720345 - Friday 9 December 2016 1:42

hahaha idk why it was so funny when I imagined the pictures

By WD_Stevens | 22

#6720381 - Friday 9 December 2016 4:14

Is your name Aisling Bea, by any chance?

By sparkledoge | 29

#6720514 - Friday 9 December 2016 8:29

Yeah but it was a magnificent street lamp !