By just a reaction - 17/8/2020 23:09

This ain't working out

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a heated argument. He raised his hand like he was going to hit me. Having been hit by my ex before, I panicked and instinctively kicked his legs out from under him. He then dumped me because he said he was just gonna scare me, but I used real violence on him. FML

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Clocked

Boozehound alert

Deep-seated resentment

By the_music_major - 19/10/2010 01:09 - United States

Today, I discovered my neighbors have bought a karaoke machine. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2020 20:00

Freudian slip

Today, I accidentally sent a very sexually explicit message to my online class because I thought I was typing in a different window. You can't delete messages. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/3/2014 15:33 - United States

Today, I was so tired that I fell asleep on a bus. When I awoke suddenly, half of the bus was staring at me, with some people chuckling and smiling. I have no idea what I did. FML

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By traveller - 13/4/2009 10:45 - United States

Today, I drove 9 hours and took Monday off of work to surprise my Mom and Dad for Easter. They weren't home so I called to tell them the surprise, rather than wait. They didn't answer as they were on a flight to Denver to surprise me for Easter since "I couldn't get off work." FML

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By Jonnygiant - 14/3/2009 01:45 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower after basketball practice. When I got out of the shower I thought no one was home so I thought it might be fun to walk around the house completely naked. I walk downstairs and my mom was eating dinner. Along with 20 other members of her bookclub. FML

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By recordyear - 9/8/2011 07:32 - United States

Today, I was at work with my dad. He told me the only reason he's letting me work with him over the summer is because I'm a friendless loser, and he didn't want me staying home getting fatter. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/7/2012 19:25 - United States - Nixa

Today, after having taken hormone tablets to try to increase my cup size, I realized that I've basically reversed my menopause. FML

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By storyteller - 4/10/2016 16:29 - United States - Elkhart

Today, I noticed I've been an Amazon Prime member for 2 years and never knew. FML

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By terrifiedanon - 29/6/2019 06:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I was at a house party and a guy needed a ride somewhere. Our designated driver, being the nice person she is, offered. I was in the back seat with him. His first words were, "Hey guys! I want to clear this awkwardness so… I once saw a 6-year-old girl die during a drive by I was on." FML

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By Anonymous - 24/5/2015 14:14 - United States - Berwyn

Today, I kept getting out of bed because I was sure my daughter had pooped in her diaper. Every time, I found nothing. I finally figured out the foul smell was my husband's breath, when he leaned into kiss me goodnight. FML

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By idontbleedfromthere - 22/8/2012 23:10 - United States - Indio

Today, after having recently moved into shared accommodations, my prankster of a room-mate has somehow made sure I've yet again woken up with a tampon in my mouth. It's been three times in the past week. FML

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By lifedownthegutter - 18/5/2016 18:21 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, the lawn I've been devoting all my efforts to saving from a nasty grub infestation isn't going to make it, but apparently the grass I noticed growing in my gutters is doing just fine. FML.

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By collegekid - 17/5/2020 14:00

Marriage story

Today, after 25 years of marriage, my parents decided to get a very nasty and extremely expensive divorce. Using my college tuition to pay for it. FML

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By dontbuysamsung - 22/4/2012 20:06 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my mobile phone wouldn't turn on. I took it in to the phone store, but they won't fix or replace it because the account is in my dad's name, not mine. He's abroad for the next month, and the only way to get a hold of him is on a number I only stored on my phone. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/5/2020 08:00

Lemon or haunted?

Today, our boiler broke. Yesterday, it was our fridge. The day before that, the deck collapsed, and a few weeks ago the dishwasher flooded the kitchen. This is after we spent a ton of money to have the house gutted due to a mold problem. We only bought the house a year ago, and have lived in it even less. We need to move. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/9/2010 01:47 - United States

Today, I was at volleyball tryouts when I accidentally spiked the ball into the fire alarm. The fire fighters did not look happy when they found out what had happened. So much for being on the team. FML

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By River - 26/2/2009 16:17 - United States

Today, a stoplight turned yellow as I was approaching it. I was about to go through but saw a cop, panicked, and slammed on the brakes. I ended up in the middle of the intersection and had to reverse. Soon the light turned green, and I stepped on the gas. My car was still in reverse. FML

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By CharlieKearney - 10/1/2016 23:33 - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, the guy I made out with on New Year's Eve finally called me. Too bad it was to blame me for the picture of us which someone had sent to his girlfriend. I never took a picture, and had no idea he was in a relationship. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2010 02:20 - United States

Today, while arguing with my boyfriend about how I wasn't a bad driver and could parallel park, I decided it was easier to just let him do it. Unfortunately, while getting out of the car to switch seats, I forgot to take the car out of drive and it ran into the car in front of us. He was right. FML

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By scotsgal - 5/1/2014 05:11 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my 5-year-old nephew to clean up his mess of toys. He responded by kicking my foot. My bandaged foot which was still recovering from my surgery last week. I'm probably going to need another operation to fix the damage. FML

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By blahblah - 14/12/2010 02:01 - Canada

Today, I'm in a relationship with a guy who yells at me everyday for things I didn't do, is in a dead-end job and is not attractive whatsoever, but I can't bring myself to break up with him because he would get to keep the dog. FML

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By "bluebird97" - 28/12/2018 20:00

Today, my boyfriend called work because he is sick. Then he called me 4 times while I was working, to complain that I was working, and then he got mad when I told him I was sick and worked a double shift 2 days in a row, apparently that is insensitive of me. FML

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By Miserableperson - 18/3/2017 18:00

Today, I found out that we're supposed to get 3 feet of snow, and the person who plows our driveway is out of town. We're stranded on a huge hill. FML

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By always-the-responsible-one - 3/1/2010 08:42 - Canada

Today, I just spent half an hour cleaning up my little brother's puke after he got drunk for the first time. All the people who bought him drinks are still out partying and having a good time, while all I can smell is whiskey, Chinese food, and whatever else was in his stomach. FML

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By tor - 10/7/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, one of my bosses came into work and told me that they had seen my dad's twin in the supermarket holding hands and kissing a much younger woman and her baby. My dad doesn't have a twin. FML

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By Jobless - 7/9/2010 23:27 - Canada

Today, I had a job interview. The moment I walked into the room, the interviewer said "Ok, I will interview you, but there is no way I'm hiring you." FML

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By Anonymous - 12/3/2013 05:19 - United States

Today, I tried to go to my Hotmail account on my boyfriend's computer. When I typed in "hot", a big history list came down. It was all "Hot single mom looking for a good lay" Craigslist ads. FML

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By Ms. Piggy - 2/3/2014 19:09 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I was shopping for dresses when my fiancé turned into what I can only call a groomzilla. He told me and my maid of honor that we need to lose weight because he's not "paying all this money for a pair of fatties to not look good." FML

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By sorry - 25/11/2019 01:00 - United States - Columbus

Blind love

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I slightly hesitated when she asked if she was beautiful. I am blind. FML

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By xxlexi_lovexx - 29/3/2010 04:20 - United States

Today, I was about to have sex with my boyfriend. His best friend called and said he just beat God Of War 3 and that my boyfriend could borrow it. He got up, got dressed, ran to his car and told me I could walk home. FML

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By stanky - 19/6/2015 14:47 - United States - Columbus

Today, I was about to leave for my honeymoon with my new husband, when he saw my deodorant in my bag. He picked it up and asked what it was. When I said it was deodorant, he gave me a confused look and said "girls don't wear deodorant". He actually believed that. FML

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By yourwifelovesme - 4/6/2019 12:00

Today, my dad was folding laundry. He came across a pair of jeans and asked who they belonged to. My mom said, “Those are definitely mine. The knees are worn out.” Thanks for that mental image mom. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/11/2016 13:47

Today, my college dormitory accused me of something I didn't do, breaking a law that I never heard of, charged me $200 to fix "what I did wrong", and is forcing me to go to counciling at the school. Not only was I not on campus when it happened, but I was the one who reported the problem. FML

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By broke - 9/7/2016 07:36

Today, just like the past 2 weeks, I'm so broke that I only got to eat dinner because I went on a first date with a guy from Tinder. FML

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By Bye Bye Toast - 25/5/2019 18:00

Today, I came home from a funeral to find that my mother had cleaned my house. She thought it would be a good idea to put my toaster in the dishwasher to clean it. My toaster is fried, and she thinks everything's fine. FML

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By fatcheeks - 2/3/2010 16:58 - United States

Today, I got all four of my wisdom teeth removed. I went to see my boyfriend for comfort because I was in so much pain. The first thing he asked me when I saw him with huge cheeks? When would be the next time I could give him a blowjob. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/10/2015 13:45 - Belgium - Herenthout

Today, I told one of my classmates for the third time that I'm not into guys and wasn't interested in going on a date with him. He just looked at me blankly and said "So I'll pick you up at 9?" FML

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By fuck - 24/7/2015 16:44 - Canada - Cowansville

Today, about 30 seconds into my first blowjob, my girlfriend threatened to cut my balls off if I didn't "just fucking cum already". FML

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By candy man - 4/9/2014 19:32 - United States - Chapel Hill

Today, my girlfriend got up in the middle of sex saying, "You're taking too long, I'm gonna go make some popcorn." I asked her if she could get me some. She said no. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/5/2009 14:45 - Norway

Today, my 3 year old kid wanted to do something nice. I told him he could pick up some of his toys. He washed my new Iphone instead. FML

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Top comments

By princess_stabitty | 17

#7931016 - Friday 14 August 2020 19:02

If he knew what you went through and still did this, he deserved it and more.

By nemcali | 33

#7931840 - Monday 17 August 2020 23:22

He should have not tried to scare you with violence on the first place though.

COMMENTS

By princess_stabitty | 17

#7931016 - Friday 14 August 2020 19:02

If he knew what you went through and still did this, he deserved it and more.

Reply

JackFaire | 27

#7932002 - Tuesday 18 August 2020 13:31

Even if he didn't know he still had no right to be psychologically abusive like that

By nemcali | 33

#7931840 - Monday 17 August 2020 23:22

He should have not tried to scare you with violence on the first place though.

Reply

Brightside86 | 18

#7932946 - Saturday 22 August 2020 7:22

Just the threat of violence is a crime. No way I"d say in a relationship with someone who tried that.

By TwoBytesCarley | 17

#7931844 - Monday 17 August 2020 23:28

YDI. You deserve a shitty boyfriend, who would play mind tricks like ‘pretending to hit you’ during an argument, to take himself out of your life; because you deserve better.

Reply

kfchicken_fml | 26

#7931897 - Tuesday 18 August 2020 5:47

you had us in the first half not gonna lie

By TxKitten | 8

#7931845 - Monday 17 August 2020 23:34

What he did was unacceptable and deserved what you did to him. What he did was a form of abuse and you should be glad he's out of your life!

By doomsdayaddams | 6

#7931855 - Monday 17 August 2020 23:58

You do not need a boyfriend who tries to scare you, either. You’re better off without this loser.

By genuinegoodguy | 8

#7931857 - Tuesday 18 August 2020 0:11

Well done you! And good result too.

By Crowned Sataness | 3

#7931867 - Tuesday 18 August 2020 1:29

let him dump you. raising his hand even "trying to scare you" is unacceptable behavior and you deserve better. I'm proud of you for defending yourself!

By Loran Binks | 7

#7931868 - Tuesday 18 August 2020 1:39

‘Pretending’ to hit someone to intimidate them is disgusting. Him breaking up with you is a blessing in disguise.

By Loran Binks | 7

#7931869 - Tuesday 18 August 2020 1:41

He wanted to scare you? Move on.

By SquirrelRulingtheWorld | 6

#7931870 - Tuesday 18 August 2020 1:48

Sounds like you dodged a bullet. Raising a hand to “scare you” is still abusive.