Love: Today, my husband of 3 weeks told me he doesn't want to be married... - FML

By Anonymous - 14/04/2015 07:21 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, my husband of 3 weeks told me he doesn't want to be married anymore because I suggested getting a joint bank account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 737

You deserved it 4 419

Commando

Walk on the wild side

Tough choice

By Anonymous - 06/11/2010 04:40 - United States

Today, at work, a woman fainted, and an extremely attractive cop came in to help. I ended up running into him an hour later. Seeing as though I'm not very shy or a nervous person, I struck up a conversation with him, thinking it must be fate. I ended up fumbling my words so much he asked if I was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 097

You deserved it 7 345

By Kasnt - 03/10/2010 18:50 - United States

Today, I really had to pee so I took the only stall that was available in the bathroom: the handicapped stall. A girl in a wheelchair came in seconds later and cursed at me for taking her designated spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 450

You deserved it 8 190

By Alyssa - 13/02/2012 00:01 - United States

Today, my parents were out, so I lit up my first ever joint. I got so stoned out of my mind that when my dad came back home and asked what the smell was, I said a stray cat had left an upper-decker in the toilet. He found the joint in my room, and now I'm grounded for the rest of the school year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 760

You deserved it 82 573

By alissa_roar - 18/04/2011 17:54 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years told me I was being too obsessive. This is the guy who has gone through my phone two separate times and deleted all of my male contacts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 701

You deserved it 8 482

By Anonymous - 29/03/2018 15:00

Today, after three weeks in the hospital for a lung infection, I was released. On the way home, another car ran a red light and T-boned my car. Back to the hospital I go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 651

You deserved it 178

By Ella - 05/07/2011 11:48 - Australia

Today, I tried to talk to my boyfriend about our communication problems. He fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 180

You deserved it 7 573

By fmylife117 - 17/02/2011 18:37 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend renamed all the contacts in my phone to see if I'd notice. Thanks to him, I've been sending dirty texts to my boss. The worst part is my boss was responding back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 218

You deserved it 6 116

By Anonymous - 05/09/2018 14:30 - United States

Today, my house was broken into. I'm really poor and don't have a television or nice clothing, so they just dumped my trash all over the house and stole my one loaf of bread that was supposed to last me for the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 784

You deserved it 158

Caught

By losingstreak - 31/01/2009 20:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was looking at porn on my laptop when my mom came into my room to talk to me. After she finished what she was saying, she paused and said, "You know, I can see the reflection of your computer screen in your glasses." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 214

You deserved it 37 832

Our insect overlords

By Anonymous - 18/12/2020 10:58

Today, something flew up the back of my shorts while I was at work. I now have itchy hot welts the size of my palm coating the back and inside of both my upper thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 51

By Anonymous - 27/03/2012 02:36 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I got pulled into a conversation about my 62 year old boss's new breast implants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 815

You deserved it 2 318

By bloated - 04/11/2016 02:46 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I felt so self-conscious about my gut, I pushed it out and pretended I was pregnant rather than sucking it in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 757

You deserved it 2 501

By stephanie - 28/09/2018 03:00

Today, my husband tried to use his "grief" over his grandmother's death to manipulate me into giving him a blowjob. In the toilets. During the funeral. With his family only a few yards down the hall crying their eyes out. What an asshole I married. An absolute asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 486

You deserved it 943

By Anonymous - 18/07/2013 09:29 - Canada - Cornwall

Today, my pre-teen brother has started using the entire Axe line because he believes that it will give him an "edge with the ladies". He insists on using the products at least three times a day, including before bedtime. I'm allergic to anything that is perfumed. We share a room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 554

You deserved it 3 604

By mrWrong - 25/03/2009 01:20 - United States

Today, my rescue squad unit responded to a 911 call from a woman who felt she was going to pass out. We knocked on her locked door a couple times with no answer. Fearing she might be unconscious, I kicked in the door. She was about to open it and only passed out from the concussion I gave her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101 831

You deserved it 12 087

By Dee - 13/07/2009 00:41 - United States

Today, I was at a party at the house of the guy I really like. We were talking when he pulled me into his room. I was excited he was finally taking our friendship to the next level, until he handed me a stick of deodorant, saying "I didn't wanna tell you in the hallway, but you really need this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 010

You deserved it 21 958

Office embarrassment

By mog - 07/11/2019 08:00 - United States

Today, the girl who works at the liquor store came to where I work. She recognized me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 346

You deserved it 844

May to December

By why ma? - 25/03/2020 08:02

Today, I invited my elderly mother to come stay with my husband and I during this outbreak, just until everything calms down. She declined because we said she couldn’t bring her boyfriend. Her boyfriend is a 34 year-old leech who's been living off her for over a year. She refuses to change her mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 557

You deserved it 188

By Anonymous - 08/06/2015 19:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I finally slept with the man of my dreams. After he left for work, I found a six-inch skid mark smack dab in the middle of my sheets. Apparently, the man of my dreams doesn't believe in toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 005

You deserved it 3 195

By rollercoaster - 25/10/2009 19:19 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of over a year broke up with me. Completely crushed, I spent an hour gathering up everything he ever gave me. Then he calls back to say how stupid he was and how he wanted me back. I was ecstatic. An hour later he figured out he was okay with his first decision. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 943

You deserved it 4 646

By Anonymous - 15/07/2017 00:30 - Italy - Verona

Today, as I woke up, the first thing I saw was a bee on my hand. I tried not to make the slightest move, waiting for it to fly away without stinging me. The second thing I saw was my cat jumping at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 685

You deserved it 427

By LikeAndreTheGiant - 13/02/2017 22:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I noticed my doctor has freakishly huge hands. This normally wouldn't have bothered me were I not there for a prostate exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 807

You deserved it 521

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 08:25 - United States

Today, I heard my asshole neighbor had died of a stroke. I was outside and said, "Well it's about goddamn time!" I turned around to see his wife walking her dog and staring deep into my soul. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 102

You deserved it 68 108

By amilia - 07/11/2018 12:00

Today, I went on a blind date with a guy at a seafood restaurant. I explained to him that I am deathly allergic to shrimp. When the waiter took my order, he interrupted me and said, “She’ll have the shrimp," while looking me dead in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 281

You deserved it 309

By Anonymous - 12/08/2010 04:00 - United States

Today, I asked my mother why she had me in the first place, as we never get along. She replied because my father wanted me. So, I called my father to ask him the same question, he said he only wanted to have me to keep my mother around, and that didn't work, so I was a waste. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 269

You deserved it 4 489

By blind_loser - 12/07/2009 01:19 - United States

Today, my best guy friend set me up on a blind date. Almost immediately after the guy and I sat down, he excused himself to make a call. A couple of feet away from our table, I heard him say, "Come on, Justin, this is the best you could do??" Over the phone. Justin is the guy who set us up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 621

You deserved it 3 298

By Chubby - 17/11/2011 16:50 - United States

Today, I told my boss about a coworker that had been hitting on me. She looked me dead in the eye and said "I was afraid that would happen. He's a bit of a chubby chaser." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 100

You deserved it 5 154

By Anonymous - 18/07/2016 05:29

Today, my best friend and I got in a fight, and we have a 3 hour drive back home together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 956

You deserved it 2 043

By lisa - 22/12/2010 18:03 - United States

Today, my recently married friend took off her wedding ring to make bread. Being single and pathetic, I tried it on to see what it would look like. It got stuck on my finger. The ER doctor had to cut it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 439

You deserved it 51 609

Sleeping together is exhausting

By Anonymous - 08/10/2021 14:00 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I realized how hard it is to get a good night's sleep next to each other when we both fell asleep watching John Wick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 604

You deserved it 153

By Anonymous - 07/11/2009 08:04 - United States

Today, I got a new job. I'm 26 and I left an amazing job to move back to be around my family. I have no choice but to take this job. I will be placing my finger in a dead turkeys ass, cutting open its stomach, and ripping out its guts. 15 per minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 013

You deserved it 10 741

By kentrm - 11/05/2016 02:12 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I was sitting down in the hallway at school. As I tried to get up, I lost my balance and fell against a hand sanitizer dispenser. It then continued to squirt sanitizer all over the back of my shirt, drenching the whole left side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 946

You deserved it 1 410

By yee-whore - 18/10/2014 18:44 - United States - Waterbury

Today, I confronted my girlfriend after catching her cheating on me. After she finished crying, she had the brass balls to say she'd understand if I needed a couple of weeks to forgive her, and asked me for bus fare so she could go tell the other guy they could only be friends now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 218

You deserved it 3 767

By Anonymous - 11/10/2015 13:25 - United States - Evansville

Today, the guy I've been seeing for a little over a week proposed to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 935

You deserved it 3 181

By NoStarbucks4Me - 21/02/2017 02:00 - Germany - M?hldorf

Today, the area I live in is so rural that the nearest Starbucks is a 1-hour drive away. And in another country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 386

You deserved it 1 260

By darkangel7410 - 22/06/2016 08:37 - United States - Lafayette

Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After looking into it, one of the 1-star ratings claimed "mechanical problems". The description of the reason, "He drives a Ford." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 434

You deserved it 2 574

By isuckatparking. seriously. - 16/01/2019 02:00

Today, I was in a hurry to get to my exams. I’m a new driver so my parking was a little crooked but I didn’t have time to fix it. I was expecting to come back to a note on my car. I wasn’t expecting three of my tires to be slashed and the words “I Suck At Parking” to be keyed into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 778

You deserved it 1 005

By daydreamer - 29/07/2012 05:12 - United States - Wilton

Today, I began to daydream about going on a diet and losing some weight. As I did so, I unknowingly reached for a giant bag of chips and ate the whole thing. Now, I have stopped daydreaming and am sitting alone and depressed. And I'm all out of chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 130

You deserved it 29 198

Fight Club

By Anonymous - 25/02/2020 20:00

Today, my girlfriend asked how I was feeling, because I’ve been feeling down and experiencing a lot of anxiety lately. I said was feeling a lot better and that I finally think I’m on my way to getting well. She didn't agree, and started a fight about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 847

You deserved it 170

By MissYouPieceOfSkin - 27/11/2013 08:44 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 839

You deserved it 16 632

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Top comments

ADBurns 22

Tuesday 14 April 2015 17:28

I bet you didn't 'bank' on that when you said "I Do"...

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Tuesday 14 April 2015 17:28

It might be time to talk to him if it's a trust issue . . . Sorry OP

Comments

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Tuesday 14 April 2015 17:27

Whoops.

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Wednesday 15 April 2015 3:11

I don't get why this comment has so many downvotes.....

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Tuesday 14 April 2015 17:28

It might be time to talk to him if it's a trust issue . . . Sorry OP

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Tuesday 14 April 2015 17:35

I personally think the time to talk about that would've been when they got engaged!

1PersonIsMyWorld 22

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Tuesday 14 April 2015 23:42

makes me wonder if he has expenses he doesn't want op to know about..

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Wednesday 15 April 2015 5:39

#15, valid point. It's probably a good idea to know your partner a little better prior to engagement haha

crazymadimadz 12

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Thursday 16 April 2015 15:20

#82 there are people extremely adverse to jiont bankaccounts due to the fact, that they had their money taken by a previous partner, through a joint bank account, or witness someonr go through it. He could be hiding something, but thats slim chance.

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Tuesday 14 April 2015 17:28

Sorry op! Too bad you weren't able to figure out that he wasn't serious about "being joined" before you got married.

ADBurns 22

Tuesday 14 April 2015 17:28

I bet you didn't 'bank' on that when you said "I Do"...

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Tuesday 14 April 2015 17:28

Stop try to steal his money and you wouldn't have this problem

JuliaaNoelle 26

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Tuesday 14 April 2015 18:16

So just because a woman wants to get a joint bank account with her HUSBAND means she's a gold digger, and she's trying to steal all of his money?

MsSoulReaper 27

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Tuesday 14 April 2015 20:00

I like how you're so sure of yourself, 5. However, I doubt that is the case.

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Tuesday 14 April 2015 20:08

what the hell is this comment?

X_KassidyRose_X 12

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Tuesday 14 April 2015 17:30

Try talking to him, he may have an understandable reason.

gmian 33

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Tuesday 14 April 2015 17:30

He doesn't seem to like commitment... good thing you two got married :/

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Tuesday 14 April 2015 23:31

Isn't that the opposite of good ?

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Wednesday 15 April 2015 8:31

@#77 That, my friend, is called sarcasm.

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Tuesday 14 April 2015 17:30

Did he come into the marriage with a lot more money than you? That might be a reason for not wanting to combine funds.

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Tuesday 14 April 2015 18:01

Even if that was the case, it's still not a valid reason.

Tournesol143 28

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Tuesday 14 April 2015 18:06

Then it's a simple issue: each of you keep your separate accounts. Create a new, joint account. Each of you can then put funds into this new, shared account from your separate accounts. This would be a first step to letting him - both of you - feel comfortable with having a joint account.

gintwinsmoore 20

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Tuesday 14 April 2015 22:04

great idea #23...I'd do that.

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Tuesday 14 April 2015 22:04

that's what my wife and I did. it works just fine and nobody had to put all of their money up for grabs.

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Tuesday 14 April 2015 22:16

#23. So many people do that when they move in together and it's a great idea, each deposits enough for the bills and groceries while keeping money in their own accounts as well and it's saved a lot of couples from fights about money

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Wednesday 15 April 2015 9:30

That's what my parents have done, although my dad only adds money when it's needed, and they very rarely use it. If there was money in there all the time, my mum would spend it all.

stephenfranklin 15

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Tuesday 14 April 2015 17:31

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

bleedingglitter 24

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Tuesday 14 April 2015 17:31

Clearly he is having second doubts about such a bug commitment. Some people just have trouble with change.

Nearly

Today, I realized that I wore ripped jeand AND ripped boxers to work. Both ripped at the same place, in between the legs. The result was my looking down and seeing my dick halfway out of my trousers. I can't get up from my seat the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 584

You deserved it 119

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 297

You deserved it 95