Today, my husband dropped his pants and said, "Why don't you go down and say hello." This is his idea of foreplay. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my wife figured that a good foreplay move would be to rub MY underwear in MY face. FML
Today, in an effort to spice up our love life, I greeted my husband at the front door in lingerie and stilettos. He took one look at me and asked if I wanted him to shovel the driveway before it snowed again. FML
Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, my husband thought I might want to get intimate. I've never seen someone vacate a room so quickly. FML
Today, my husband decided to imitate Borat and shout "Very Nice! I Excite!" while having sex. He's also decided that it was ingenious and does it every single time, the entire time. FML
Today, after confronting my husband about lack of intimacy in our marriage, I found him playing with himself. His response to my shock was, "This is less work and less involving." FML
Today, I tried to explain to my husband how it felt when he asked for sex. I said ,"How would you feel if I asked for sex when you were fixing the car, and I hadn't dressed nicely, shaved, cleaned myself up, or showered?" He said, "I'd fuck you right there in the garage, duh!" I give up. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he pulled up his pants and said, "There you go." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
sciencekidster1 8
"Sorry, my mom told me not to put small objects in my mouth. I could choke."
gojira666 7
"No thanks, I have a small nut allergy"
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (198)
theelitejosh171 1
yeah theres no need for that kid
theelitejosh171 1
it must have been horriable watching ur mom get beat and raped by ur dad
123jdub 7
Hey it's not going to suck itself
JessalynVictoria 6
I hope your extra flexible cuz with an attitude like that no ones gonna suck yours!
peter1299 0
U bettr start goin down haha
somewill 0
You should surprise him with a few that he doesn't have to ask for and maybe he will stop. When he is making if that obvious, something must be missing... Just my two cents.
goldfish78 11
How romantic! But make sure to clean his first before you start since he came back from work.
kombucha_fml 8
sounds like he wants you to be somewhat submissive.
laideehawk 6
Say hello to his "little" friend!
Mourningstar 4
Do the same to him, tell him "If you don't eat it, you don't need it"! Lol
jpallan 3
If you're in any way complying with this, then you deserve it. If you're giving him a look of death when he does it, then you have my sympathies if he's that slow.