Today, in an effort to spice up our love life, I greeted my husband at the front door in lingerie and stilettos. He took one look at me and asked if I wanted him to shovel the driveway before it snowed again. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, when my husband got home from work, I was standing in the kitchen, wearing nothing but stilletos. He asked me to make him hot chocolate. FML
Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML
Today, feeling the need to spice things up in our sex life, I dressed up in my husband's navy uniform jacket, hat, and a pair of heels. When he came into the room, he took one look at me and started laughing uncontrollably. FML
Today, I left the house for a while and when I came back my husband was wearing my lacy lingerie. He looks better in it than I do. FML
Today, the first snow of the season fell. My husband celebrated by pelting me with snowballs, while I was on the toilet. FML
Today, my husband dropped his pants and said, "Why don't you go down and say hello." This is his idea of foreplay. FML
Today, I dressed up, went over to my boyfriend and told him he could do anything he wanted. He said nothing and walked outside. I figured he'd come back in shortly, but when I looked out the window a few minutes later, he was building a snowman. FML
Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by dressing up in sexy lingerie. When I went to answer the door he was standing there with a shocked expression, his friends parked in the driveway had the same expression as well. He came to break up with me. He told me after we had sex. FML
Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of Doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the Doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML
Today, I decided to put on some sexy lingerie and wait for my husband to come home to surprise him. He took one look at me and immediately accused me of cheating. He was convinced my explanation was a lie and that I'd rushed some guy out the back door when he came home. FML
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Top comments
jkjorn 16
Poor sap didn't realize you had a different kind of plowing in mind.
Lily_Rain77 25
That is a damn good husband right there, he offered to shovel the driveway.
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Comments (17)
Lily_Rain77 25
That is a damn good husband right there, he offered to shovel the driveway.
jkjorn 16
Poor sap didn't realize you had a different kind of plowing in mind.
Razell 13
The solutions is to do this more often until he stops associating you-in-lingerie with you-asking-him-to-do-things-around-the-house. Break the operant conditioning!
bl3ur0z3 17
Ok, but maybe shoveling the snow is important? Maybe he wants to earn this special treat? Maybe he's just oblivious because he loves you for you and the special attire isn't necessary?
RichardPencil 30
Tell him you want him to plow you.
Gubbon 17
The joke has already been made.
wanted_2_want 40
It seems that you trained him very well. “ ‘honey, look what is waiting for you after your chores’ “.
Mongo999 9
Probably thought he was at the WRONG house!! Tried his "Oh CRAP" emergency response.
Bubbilility 27
Was it a euphemism for something? Or maybe sarcasm?
Iamthebanzai22 21
I get the very distinct impression that there is much more to this story. It sounds to me like there may be some resentment from his side about being asked to do chores that make no sense. I have never seen snow, but shovelling a driveway BEFORE it snows sounds like a really stupid idea. As a man, one actually feels really insulted when a woman as sex to placate you. Almost like a dog that got tossed a bone to shut it up. I don't want to read too much into this, but maybe you guys need counselling so that sex becomes more natural. If you actually really wanted to fix your sex life, good for you. Keep trying, but do it honestly. Actually, great sex is usually the result of great emotional intimacy. Start talking and stop judging. Good luck to you!!
stormy0307 16
Snow is generally heavy. Most people in snowy areas, if shoveling and not snow blowing, will do it in stages if there is a lot of it or if it is predicted to snow again. I’ve even gone out and done it when it was actively snowing just so I wouldn’t have to move nearly as much snow at one time when it finishes snowing.
Iamthebanzai22 21
Ah, thanx. As far as I can see, the only place you really want snow is on christmas cards.
Matthew Irmen 11
Lol, us husbands are stupid like that. He meant well. Let him shovel the driveway then warm him up afterwards ;)