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FMyLife
captainuniverse Nashville, United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. She also said I'm going to be an uncle. FML

85

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Thanksgiving

Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.

Same thing different taste

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Top comments

Densetsu1000 14

Dump. Her. Now.

ThuNDeY 23

Look at the bright side, your brother's in for a few fun conversations.

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Comments (85)

Morning_fml 22

This is the first FML I've read that I've been both happy and sad at the same time.

NostalgiaFreak9 43

Cut your brother out of your life completely.

NoThanks999 19

Like #59 said. Op should've whiped his ass. He broke every code. Ever.

DocBastard 40

This is probably one of the best-written FML I've seen I years. Well played, OP. Well played indeed.

BestOrginalName 22

You're alive!

Seabass_Chan 33

Of course he's alive, don't any of you follow him on Twitter?

Sora_McKain 36

Missed you doc =D

Mathalamus 25

*sigh* just dump her. and advise your brother to dump her as well. too sick and tired of cheating people...

fakedsincerity 32

the brother is as much of an asshole as the girlfriend is. dump them both.

ABlindMan 17

As much of an asshole the brother is, how does the brother dumping the mother of his unborn child help anyone? So you're basically saying **** the girlfriend's life by forcing her to raise a kid on her own? The brother needs to take responsibility and man the **** up and raise the kid, or they should agree to have an abortion or put the child up for adoption. I have absolutely zero sympathy for "men", I use quotations because they're more like boys, who leave a girl to raise a child on her own.

MandieL 27

Why would OP advise his brother to dump her? Chances are pretty good that the brother knew he was helping his brothers gf cheat. OP, you need to find out for sure if this child is yours or your brothers, because if you were having sex with her too, it could be either one of yours. Regardless, your brother and gf are both dicks, just remember the future child is innocent in all this.

lantz4levi 19

It takes two to tango. So don't blame shit on "men"

Burkiie45 10

I looked at the location and now I want to know if he has a brother or if it's his sister

JDonly 8

I know right! Uncle Daddy!

JDonly 8

I know right? Uncle Daddy!

Arot6 17

Hey, at least you won't be financially tied down to her for the next 19ish years.

ragnarok1540 39

What did you expect when you started dating your sister ... In all seriousness, both you and your ass-hat of a brother should get paternity tested just to be sure which of you is really the child's father (unless you have not had sex). While your "girlfriend" is a cheating *****, if the child does turn out to be yours, he/she is blameless and would still be your responsibility. Best of luck, OP, and I hope the results are in your favor (as in not your child). P.S. I also hope that your brother and you are not identical twins, as the paternity testing would be useless.

gijojo_fml 9

Even twins don't share DNA. One will always have more of a match then the other

ragnarok1540 39

Actually, identical (monozygotic) twins have identical DNA sequences. Routine forensic identity analysis (DNA fingerprinting and paternity testing) rely on analyzing short tandem repeats of base pairs within non-coding regions of the DNA. Typically anywhere from 13-20 loci are checked to see matches between parent and child. Identical twins would have identical STR sequences, and as such paternity testing would be pointless. The only way to reliably identify genetic differences in identical twins would be whole genome deep sequencing, looking for spontaneous single nucleotide polymorphisms (basically random mutations in the DNA that might occur after twin separation); this would only be useful in paternity testing if the SNP was carried in the germ cells (sperm) and thus was inheritable by the child. Such analysis for routine paternity testing or criminal investigation is extremely complex and prohibitively expensive.

okudatwo 11

Your brother definitely deserves that one.

phlipper_fml 2

What if his girlfriend is pregnant, and her sibling with his/her significant other is also having a child so there's no cheating, there are two different babies, and it was all just misleading?

lvg_fml 10

I don't think he would consider it a FML then.

trucker2 33

Gives new meaning to keeping it on the ******* family