Miscellaneous: Today, my girlfriend changed our cable subscription to include...

By Bloop - 14/05/2016 00:58 - United States - Ayer

Today, my girlfriend changed our cable subscription to include MTV. This made us lose the only channel I care about: HBO. Goodbye Game of Thrones, hello Teen Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 297

You deserved it 1 240

Miscellaneous

You're my mommy now

The bitch is back

Ran out

By Kimmikoto - 31/01/2017 07:00 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, the vet told me that my cat is too fat to be able to wipe her own ass. I had to go Walmart to purchase pet wipes to clean her butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 855

You deserved it 3 506

By me. - 01/12/2012 14:54 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when the condom broke. He told me to go put a tampon in to "soak up the kids". How did he graduate? FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 433

You deserved it 7 313

By T-Pain - 22/04/2009 17:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend stopped making out with me to watch a thirty minute infomercial on the Topsy-Turvy upside down tomato planter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 307

You deserved it 7 079

By um...no? i don't think so anyway - 15/12/2013 19:16 - United States - Warren

Today, I finally got the courage to tell the girl I like how I feel. She instantly burst out laughing and said "A crush? Dude, what are you, 12?! Hahaha!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 462

You deserved it 6 280

By bob the builder - 08/11/2012 14:36 - United States - Ridgeland

Today, I'm at work on a construction site for a high rise building, on the 12th floor today. I've developed a severe case of the runs, causing me to need to rush to the nearest toilet periodically. Luckily for me it's conveniently located on the ground floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 319

You deserved it 1 726

Libel

By Anonymous - 17/07/2020 14:00

Today, my friends told me that my girlfriend of over a year and a half refers to me on Facebook, Twitter and Snapchat as "the monster I can't get rid of." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 471

You deserved it 175

By tulisa - 21/02/2015 04:25 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I witnessed the beautiful sight of a tiny baby bird struggling to take flight from its nest. "You can do it," I muttered, which I guess my asswipe of a cat heard as "Quick, go kill that bird and scar me for life, please." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 301

You deserved it 4 431

By slickboy0023 - 16/03/2010 15:30 - United States

Today, I learned that in Japan there are monkeys that wait tables and work at a tavern. Literally, I have a job a monkey can do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 842

You deserved it 5 601

By NoHamForMeThanks - 09/03/2015 02:36 - United States - Oak Ridge

Today, I was told that I need to learn to "let things go" by a woman who held a four-month grudge over a ham sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 508

You deserved it 2 599

By Anonymous - 25/03/2012 12:09 - Australia - Croydon

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 579

You deserved it 14 487

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 02:35 - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, in the bathroom. I noticed a pregnancy test in the trash can. He lives alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 440

You deserved it 3 111

By PhD student - 10/02/2016 11:57 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I worked from home to actually be able to concentrate and make a presentation about my project. My boss then sends me a long email about how he wants us to work in the office, and how important it is for team building, giving me feelings of guilt for actually getting some work done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 623

You deserved it 1 953

By Nick - 06/08/2013 14:44 - Australia - Baulkham Hills

Today, I dragged myself to work, suffering from a bad cold. My boss quietly told me to go home and rest, to avoid spreading it around the office. I thought it odd since he dislikes me so much, but I did as he said. He called later in the day to suspend me for leaving work early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 099

You deserved it 3 562

By Anonymous - 14/10/2017 06:00

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my phone rang. We continued to have sex while I took the call. It was my gyno calling to tell me that I tested positive for chlamydia and that I needed to tell my partner. Yeah, sex ended real quick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 884

You deserved it 9 148

By ohfantastic - 25/01/2009 02:47 - United States

Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 613

You deserved it 2 352

By Miscellaneous - 17/06/2017 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I went in for an interview with a firm where I'd done some interning before. After shaking hands with both the directors, I went to shake hands with one of the director's wives, who also works there. Turns out she was going for a hug and kiss on the cheek. I ended up kissing her on the lips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 821

You deserved it 656

Pushover

By Anonymous - 23/10/2021 13:59 - Australia

Today, my wife always wants to spend on big items, like a new pool or home renovations; I want to save for our future. At 45 years of age, we are in heavy debt and I have no other assets as a backup. I should have stood up to her from the beginning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 550

By dirk855 - 18/01/2009 10:29 - United States

Today, I crashed into a ditch on my way home from work. I had to walk 2 miles in -25 below zero weather before I could pick up a cell phone signal to call a tow truck. When I got back to my car, a cop was waiting for me with a ticket for leaving the scene of an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 386

You deserved it 2 319

By Jem - 11/01/2015 03:02 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I was fired for "blatant, inexcusable racism". My boss had asked me which website background I preferred for our company, and I said that white backgrounds are usually best. He thinks that I believe in white supremacy, and that's bad for the company's image. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 888

You deserved it 2 639

By Patrick - 23/02/2010 01:29 - United States

Today, I was working at Publix ringing up some 70 year old woman. She says "Man, you're a fast cashier, I like my men fast!" and then gives me a wink. I got really nervous and didn't know how to respond, so not thinking, I quickly said, "Yeah, me too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 885

You deserved it 7 407

By SMS123 - 25/06/2010 19:42 - United States

Today, I was eating lunch with my boyfriend when I started choking. My boyfriend took it as an opportunity to sneak food off my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 409

You deserved it 4 775

Freaked out

By Anonymous - 30/04/2021 23:02

Today, I told my girlfriend that one of my intellectually challenged friends now holds an engineering position at an aircraft company. She wasn't a fan of flying before, and now refuses to set foot anywhere near any aircraft of any kind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 206

By Starchaser - 16/04/2017 19:23

Today, I helped my children dye Easter eggs. They did great. My husband, however, is covered in dye spots and glitter from "helping." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 305

You deserved it 608

By lame-o-prof - 15/07/2013 21:14 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was marking exams. I then had to explain to many of the students that (a) pigs are not aquatic animals and (b) sharks do not have lungs. These are university students. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 125

You deserved it 4 063

By Anonymous - 16/01/2010 09:10 - Australia

Today, I was on a job trial at the local pet shop and, naturally, was doing all the disgusting jobs. As I was cleaning the kittens' litter in the cat enclosure, someone thought it would be funny to lock me in there. I sat in a giant cage in the middle of the store with people laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 393

You deserved it 3 087

By fatlady - 07/03/2010 05:41 - United States

Today, my friend and I went to the park. I bet my friend I could fit into the swing that was sized for toddlers. I managed to fit in, but I couldn't get out. My friend had to call 911 to get me out. When they finally did, the fireman told me that fat ladies shouldn't try stuff like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 962

You deserved it 39 244

By owies :( - 01/04/2011 02:23 - United States

Today, I was trying to replace the lightbulb in my bedroom. Since I couldn't reach it by myself, I grabbed and stood on a chair. After I got two broken bones, and had stitches in my forehead, I figured that using a chair with wheels probably wasn't the best idea after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 099

You deserved it 75 417

By socknotes - 09/03/2016 04:02 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, a shifty customer came in to my store and was hanging around for about 30 minutes. Apparently, he took that time to put religiously-motivated anti-abortion notes into each and every pair of socks. In the following hours, I had 17 angry returns and was personally threatened twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 754

You deserved it 1 428

By backseatbusted - 21/05/2013 16:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate in the backseat of his car, when a police car pulled up behind us. My mom later told me that intimacy was fine, just not in a car. We were in the car because she told me that intimacy was fine, just not in her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 705

You deserved it 12 960

Think of the environment

By Anonyname - 18/05/2014 19:14 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband and I announced at a family get-together that I'm pregnant with our fourth child. My dad sighed, and spent the rest of the evening acting moody and eventually muttering about how he'd raised a "damned brood mare." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 528

You deserved it 10 387

Freaked out

By No Action Fighter - 22/08/2011 07:44 - United States

Today, while at my boxing gym, an old man came inside and did the oddest drunk dance in order to serenade me. I'm a fighter and fine with taking punches to the face, but froze in terror at the sight of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 154

You deserved it 3 407

There's no such thing as a coincidence

By Anonymous - 24/05/2021 10:57

Today, I cracked an egg with a disgusting rotten black yolk into the pan, ruining my almost done breakfast. Last time this happened, just coincidentally, two deaths in the family and a near deadly mental breakdown followed. Now eggs seem too gross to eat, and I’m afraid this time was another bad omen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 110

By hellangelrose - 26/08/2014 07:48 - France

Today, I was staying in my family friend's house in France. The church bells ring every hour, which I thought was cute. Until 8 this morning where they rang 24 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 254

You deserved it 4 066

By Anonymous - 27/04/2011 03:07 - United States

Today, I got concussion after a goat ran in front of me while I was jogging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 368

You deserved it 4 315

By fuck people - 02/08/2013 20:58 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I attended the funeral of a close friend. Most of the other guests were openly grinning and joking around, and the guy in front of me kept muttering "that's what she said" during the eulogy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 965

You deserved it 3 163

Feelings

By Anon - 19/10/2020 07:57 - United States

Today, my parents told me, after 30 years of marriage, that they are getting a divorce. I went to my boyfriend's apartment because I needed some comfort. While sobbing to him, he decided to dump me on the spot because my reaction to the news was "immature" and he wants an "adult" relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 629

You deserved it 314

By a - 31/10/2009 04:14 - Korea Republic of

Today, I was chatting with a friend on msn. She told me a few days ago a Halloween party we had been planning was canceled because her parents said no at the last moment. Wanting to cheer her up, I went to her house to surprise her. I guess the party wasn't canceled after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 545

You deserved it 2 881

By Blackshadows - 07/09/2015 18:08 - United States - Somerset

Today, I accidentally poured milk into my bowl of chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 877

You deserved it 8 349

By Cheap N Happy - 17/02/2012 09:44 - United States

Today, I went out on a first date. He insisted we go to McDonald's and split a Happy Meal because he "didn't want to waste any money on a first date." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 621

You deserved it 4 545

By Anonymous - 14/11/2018 12:00

Today, I'm scared to leave my bedroom. During the night, what must have been a giant spider made a web 4 feet wide stretching from the lightbulb to the tv and then down to the desk corner. It's blocking my path to the door and I can't tell where the 8-legged bastard is hiding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 655

You deserved it 399

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Top comments

ThuNDeY 23

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Saturday 14 May 2016 20:19

16 and grandma?

brocho 26

Saturday 14 May 2016 20:20

MTV hasn't been worth watching since Beavis and Butt-Head ended (both times) if you ask me.

ThuNDeY 23

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Saturday 14 May 2016 20:19

16 and grandma?

ellisp1 15

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Saturday 14 May 2016 21:16

4 and pregnant?

Seabass_Chan 33

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Saturday 14 May 2016 22:08

More like 30-Year-Old Grandma, assuming the children grow up just as whorish as their parents.

VowelMovement 15

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Saturday 14 May 2016 23:58

You messed it up. It's supposed to be 32 and grandma.

Camry_Girl420 18

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Sunday 15 May 2016 20:43

I despise that you twatwaffle. I was pregnant at 16 and had my 1st at 17 and I'm no where near a whore. or a slut. I know the father of my children and even married the loser. Finally divorced his loser ass and am happily married with 3 kids now. I'll be 29 this year and I can guarantee my children have no inkling to have any children now or anytime soon since they saw the struggle of having kids so young and seeing our cable be shut off as we decided what other bills we needed to pay first. In fact they'll probably grow up to be far better people than you and myself. So you good sir, don't let the door slap you in the ass on the way out. *deuces*

rollingstone62 13

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Sunday 15 May 2016 21:45

#80 Cut back on your daily dose of trashy, hood rat. lol

JayBug6 9

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Sunday 15 May 2016 23:37

This comment was meant as a joke towards the shows on that channel. Not as a personal attack to you. You might want to get off the internet if you are offended by things that are very obviously not about you!

DoomedGemini 37

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Tuesday 17 May 2016 5:30

In case people don't realize, the comment removed was calling teen mothers whores.

Scootythedog 17

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Saturday 14 May 2016 20:19

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

shaaza 16

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Saturday 14 May 2016 20:26

Kinda too soon for that.

El_Boxeador 14

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Saturday 14 May 2016 20:38

Hey man! She cancelled his Game of Thrones subscription...I think that would be an understandable reaction lol "Down votes are coming..."

Steve97 32

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Saturday 14 May 2016 20:39

Not really. Perfectly legitimate reason to dump her. That and she makes decisions without including the other partner.

caspertink 17

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Sunday 15 May 2016 4:50

Definitely a "dump her now" situation. It's game of thrones. To replace a subscription as awesome as HBO (giving access to game of thrones) with the crap of mtv for teen moms bs is grounds for dumping.