Today, it was my 21st birthday. I had a simple party with my... - FML

By sadinmass - 13/11/2010 13:24 - United States

Today, it was my 21st birthday. I had a simple party with my boyfriend, with just a cake and a bottle of red wine. My boyfriend managed to get so drunk that he danced naked for 10 minutes, then told me I'm hideously obese but that he loves me anyway. FML

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Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

Rich people problems

Peaky Bladders

By tramrider - 7/3/2010 16:29 - United Kingdom

Say cheese!

Today, I got on an empty tram and decided to sit at the back. A few minutes in, I heard a noise. Thinking it was the tram, I decided to ignore it. When I heard what sounded like a giggle, I looked around to see that it wasn't the tram, but it was some creepy middle-aged man taking photos of me. FML

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By walkingdead_1029 - 6/5/2013 06:49 - United States - Peoria

Today, the girl that I've been madly in love with was demanding I tell her who I liked. I told her no, I should just keep it a secret, but she demanded I tell her. After I told her, the only response I got was, "You're right. You should have kept that a secret." FML

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By VidyaGameCollector - 3/5/2019 20:00 - Canada - Port Colborne

Today, because money is a little tight, I decided to sell one of my retro video game consoles. The family member that initially gave me it to me saw the ad on Facebook and demanded I give it back to them. FML

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By booboo300 - 22/12/2018 02:00

Today, I picked up my gardisal 9 hpv update shot that my doctor prescribed and discovered that not only do I need three of them, they are $200 a piece. The guy I was dating that was the reason I needed the booster broke up with me on Friday. FML

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By Grossed Out - 29/12/2011 08:16 - United States

Today, my mother got incredibly drunk. She told me that only "sluts and whores" shave their pubes. She then told me that she's never once trimmed or shaved her pubes, because she's "moral." Thanks for that mental image, mom. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/10/2011 02:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I was confronted by my father after I got back home from a party in the early hours. He demanded to know if I'd been doing any drugs, and then decided to give me a scare lecture on the dangers of alcohol. I'd had a few beers. He had the smell of tequila on his breath. FML

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By o.v. - 16/5/2011 16:04 - Bangladesh

Today, the pipe in the dining room sink suddenly broke open and in about 15 minutes my entire apartment was turned into an indoor swimming pool. The worst part? I was there the entire time, playing video games with my headphones on. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/2/2014 10:01 - United Kingdom - Great Malvern

Today, I watched my brother attempt to cook some eggs without turning the gas on. FML

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By juliestrawsky - 5/8/2019 04:00

Today, I was paid to be in a commercial, playing a hiker, camping and grilling by a tent with my pretend boyfriend. To make our on-camera interaction more believable, I suggested to him, "Hey, I'm gonna feed you some food, into your mouth." His answer, "Naaah, I'm good." I got rejected on a FAKE date. FML

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By andi0804 - 5/8/2009 01:33 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. The only call I received was from my stalker, who sang happy birthday with a japanese accent and asked if he could be my "special present". FML

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By peachesthepigeon - 19/1/2011 18:54 - United States

Today, at work, I helped out an employee who was having trouble. I even bought her a bottle of water. After the production manager decided to fire her on the spot, she went out in the parking lot and broke into several cars, including mine. FML

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By scarred - 27/7/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, I heard my parents having sex for the first time so I turned the TV up really loud to drown out the noise, and a minute or two later my mom comes downstairs in this skimpy nightgown to ask me why the TV was so loud and, seeing the horror on my face, kept asking what was wrong with me. FML

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By LivingInMisery - 12/4/2017 21:00 - United States - Cape Girardeau

Today, I was supposed to have my advising appointment for my next semester of college. When I got to campus, it was windy and raining so heavily that my clothes were sopping wet within a minute of stepping out of my car. My advisor didn't show up. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/2/2013 05:12 - United States - Palo Alto

Today, working as a waitress, I was asked by a customer, yet again, how my baby was doing. I don't have a baby, but I do look very similar to my 25-year-old coworker, who's a new mom. People confuse us all the time. Unfortunately, my crush, who was standing nearby, doesn't know that. FML

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By sicktomystomach - 2/5/2009 17:05 - United States

Today, during lunch at school, a wave of nausea came over me. I ran to the bathroom and made it just in time. As I was throwing up, I set off the toilet's automatic flush and my vomit came flying back into my face. FML

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By Jobless in Seattle - 5/5/2015 02:08 - United States - Katy

Today, after waking up in a panic because I was running late for work again, I realized I was fired for that exact reason the day before. FML

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By ~~~ - 29/6/2014 17:08 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, after nearly three weeks of hard work, I finally completed my best drawing yet, a self-portrait. I was incredibly excited to take it to class tomorrow. That is, until I came home from a walk later on, only to find my brother had drawn a stick figure on it, wanking into my face. FML

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By Lua - 28/6/2016 17:09 - France - Laon

Today, my friends renamed my dog, “Dog Vader.“ Yes, my dog has asthma. FML

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By anidiotskeeper - 12/7/2012 06:03 - United States - Hawthorne

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house and caught her digging for gold. She wasn't picking her nose - she was literally trying to dig for gold in her backyard. FML

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By FlyLikeABird - 16/11/2014 08:35 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned how birds feel when they fly into windows. I should be getting the hospital bill for my broken nose in the mail soon. FML

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By Me - 11/11/2012 00:29 - United States

Today, while at a stop light, I was rear-ended by a car behind me. The guy got angry at me, because according to him, I should've known that his car has poor braking distance, and so I should've moved forward a few more feet to compensate. FML

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By wantsleep - 28/12/2016 08:25

Today, my boss continues to think it's appropriate to send me whining texts about work at midnight. Or 4 a.m. I think his complaints about not selling as much candy as he expected can wait till work hours. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/6/2014 16:34 - United States - Syosset

Today, I came back home after a year studying abroad. Imagine my surprise when I found out my mom had gotten breast implants while I was away. All through dinner, I kept catching myself staring at them. No wonder my dad was so much happier than when I left. FML

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By jina - 18/3/2009 03:48 - Korea Republic of

Today, the phone kept ringing but there was only silence on the other line. The third time I yelled, "What the fuck is your F*ing problem asshole!? Get a life shithead!" and hung up. Then the pastor's wife called and explained that she mistakingly set her phone on mute. FML

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By lip - 24/12/2008 08:40 - France

Today, I was jerking off in the train washroom when the ticket inspector knocked at the door. I was nearly done so I didn't open right away. I didn't think he would have the key…I found myself face to face with him and three other passengers. The worst being I didn't have a ticket. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2015 11:28 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I had to go out and that I'd be back later. He asked where I was going. "To see my other boyfriend," I chuckled, smiling. He took it seriously and wouldn't believe it was just a joke. I'm pretty sure I'm now single. FML

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By GonnaGetFired - 31/3/2010 00:11 - United States

Today, I found out that I made inappropriate sexual comments to my boss while I was drunk on Saturday night. She won't tell me what I said. She just laughs when she sees me. FML

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By ThanksMom - 8/7/2016 07:54 - United States - State College

Today, while taking out the trash late at night with my mom, a group of people drove by and decided it would be funny to turn around and chase us up the driveway in their car. Before I even realized what was happening, my mom was already halfway to the house yelling back, "You're on your own!" FML

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By lovelesslonely - 12/10/2010 17:48 - United States

Today, my boyfriend brought me home flowers and candy for the first time in our 1 year relationship. Thinking he was going to finally propose, I got excited. I asked why he was being so sweet, and he responded with, "I thought you'd take the breakup better this way." FML

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By OnlyMe - 8/10/2009 15:29 - United States

Today, I realized that I broke up with a man that loved me and was great in bed but was afraid of commitment, to be with a man that loves me, that is great in bed, and wants to be with me forever. So what's the problem? Now that we are committed, he won't get it on with me anymore. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/1/2016 14:01 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I had to listen to my brother whine yet again about being single and how unfair it is. This is a guy who owns an "I fuck on the first date" t-shirt and has more than once referred to women as "vaginas with a person attached". Last time I called him out for being such a dick, I got punched. FML

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By KDM - 5/2/2012 19:39 - Australia

Today, I realised how socially inept I am, when I muttered an apology to my laptop after I noticed I hadn't plugged its charger in. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/9/2010 05:39 - United States

Today, after weeks of allowing my parents to borrow money, I got a check for $2000. I took it to the bank only to find out it was fake. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/6/2012 20:02 - United States - Elkhart

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. I had an IUD put in two years ago that's supposed to prevent pregnancy. To put it in perspective, less than 1% of people using this IUD get pregnant. Lucky me. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/3/2014 22:01 - Canada - Toronto

Today, the guy I've been dating told me with a wink that before he'll go on any more dates, he'd require me to take a series of "oral exams" to prove I'm right for him. I think he actually expected that to work. NEXT. FML

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By sorenips - 3/10/2011 23:19 - Canada

Today, after a great treadmill run at my gym, I noticed a stain on my clothing. Apparently my nipple chafed so badly that it bled through my white t-shirt, and I'd walked around the gym completely oblivious. FML

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By Embarressed... - 4/8/2010 10:25 - United Kingdom

Today, I was babysitting for my mum's friend. I put her little boy on my knee, and he kept pulling at my top. I asked him "are you hungry?" He replied "No, I want to see your titties." FML

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By fatty - 7/6/2009 02:14 - United States

Today, my friend was complaining about how fat she was. To make her feel better I said, "Psh, you're not fat! In fact we're about the same weight!" She looked at me for a second, then burst into tears sobbing, "I'm fat! I'm fat!" FML

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By badluckbrian - 12/6/2019 04:15

Today, I lost my job. This was a surprise, as my performance hasn’t ever been an issue. My boss couldn’t look me in the eye while it happened, and the HR representative cut me off when I tried to ask why, informing me that they would only answer benefit-related questions. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/10/2014 03:28 - United States - Salem

Today, my brother got upset at his video game and flung his DS at the wall, just as I was walking by. I got knocked out to the sound of someone crossing the finish line in MarioKart. FML

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Top comments

By EllOfficial | 6

#1695338 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:43

are you hideously obese?

By Morgansayshi | 0

#1695398 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:47

Was the cake good at least?

COMMENTS

By EllOfficial | 6

#1695338 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:43

are you hideously obese?

Reply

breenntt | 0

#1695415 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:48

Win.

Reply

OrginalOwen | 0

#1695650 - Saturday 13 November 2010 20:13

Someone is a chubeh chaser!

Reply

rallets | 22

#1695894 - Saturday 13 November 2010 20:47

2 people =/= party

Reply

Sayhwhat | 0

#1695980 - Saturday 13 November 2010 21:00

but at least he loves you.

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1696167 - Saturday 13 November 2010 21:25

I'm hideously obese. (;

Reply

phatskaterduder | 0

#1696233 - Saturday 13 November 2010 21:39

hey fat chicks need loving too lol

Reply

allmidnighteyes | 10

#1696739 - Sunday 14 November 2010 0:25

Do you know this from experience, 63?

Reply

AngieSixx_x0 | 0

#1697488 - Sunday 14 November 2010 3:11

HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAH.

Reply

bh0p | 0

#1697613 - Sunday 14 November 2010 4:05

well he still loves you

Reply

the101dan | 0

#1697907 - Sunday 14 November 2010 5:41

I don't see the fml in here. Even if you are hideously obese, he still loves you. You found yourself a good man. Now reward him by working out and getting rid of those extra pounds.

Reply

Zya_fml | 8

#1698319 - Sunday 14 November 2010 7:17

64 - does it look like he did?

Reply

titanic12beth | 0

#1717507 - Thursday 18 November 2010 9:16

you insult yourself on all your comments haha

Reply

MD_DILF | 4

#3238274 - Monday 5 September 2011 7:41

come on fat ass, lose some of that weight. Don't expect people to feel sorry for you because you are fat!

Reply

paolino_fml | 18

#6105864 - Friday 31 October 2014 20:41

Exactly, some fmls are left unfinished, WE WANT THE WHOLE STORY BITCHES

By Froley | 0

#1695342 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:44

YDI for being hideously obese.

By NicoleMorganX3 | 0

#1695394 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:47

:/ he was drunk

Reply

sectator | 0

#1697115 - Sunday 14 November 2010 1:51

I find drunk people and children are pretty honest.

Reply

cuddlekitty66 | 0

#1697690 - Sunday 14 November 2010 4:51

They say you are most honest when your drunk. And children will just out right say things; they have no embaressment of saying it.

Reply

Justine94_x | 31

#2934729 - Wednesday 20 July 2011 2:40

Drunken words = sober thoughts..

Reply

Maxwellminpin | 19

#6546716 - Saturday 27 February 2016 18:46

Drunk children??

By Morgansayshi | 0

#1695398 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:47

Was the cake good at least?

By tacobird123 | 7

#1695403 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:47

It's just drunk talk.

Reply

tencentsakiss | 19

#1695498 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:55

Drunk people are more honest. I don't think this will make her feel much better.

Reply

tacobird123 | 7

#1695546 - Saturday 13 November 2010 20:00

Oh yeah good point there, well I'm not going to say something like "hit tha gym fatty", but he said he loves you right :p? If drunk people are honest I guess he means it.

Reply

chinadollsierra | 0

#1697357 - Sunday 14 November 2010 2:49

I agree with that bit of what you said, it's the key phrase being loves you anyways! So at least he honestly loves you. It's all okay, babe! Work those rolls.
[:

By stitch_book | 4

#1695409 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:48

wow ... sounds like the wrong person was celebrating like it was their birthday.

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#1696437 - Saturday 13 November 2010 22:49

We gon' sip Bacardi like its your birthday
And you know we don't give a fuck if
it's not your birthday.

By b_anhero | 0

#1695449 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:50

thats just pillow talk, fatty.

Reply

funzcpl | 0

#1696101 - Saturday 13 November 2010 21:15

lmao! that's funny!

Reply

hellokat1 | 0

#1696184 - Saturday 13 November 2010 21:30

Good one : )

By Randomlyscrm13 | 0

#1695461 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:51

O sad... Kinda... Maybe u should dump him.. .

Reply

Igor_g5 | 0

#1695647 - Saturday 13 November 2010 20:13

He loves her despite the fact that she's hideously obese and you think she should dump him?

Reply

Lilllly_1316 | 0

#1695901 - Saturday 13 November 2010 20:47

That's exactly what I was thinking. ^^^^

Reply

sectator | 0

#1697121 - Sunday 14 November 2010 1:53

Dump on him.

By strawberrybanana_fml | 1

#1695470 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:52

oh no! I'm sorry!

Reply

Livinia | 11

#2308006 - Thursday 7 April 2011 10:42

Why? Are you the boyfriend?

By mintcar | 9

#1695525 - Saturday 13 November 2010 19:58

Are you surprised by this news? I guess the FML lies within the fact that your loving boyfriend spewed such information while drunk.

If you think you are, do something about it.
But i mean, at least he loves you despite your large frame.

Reply

Livinia | 11

#2308003 - Thursday 7 April 2011 10:40

Cover up the cleavage, darl. We don't want to see it. There is children using this site as young as 12. :/