Love: Today, it was my 21st birthday. I had a simple party with my... - FML

13/11/2010 13:24 - United States

Today, it was my 21st birthday. I had a simple party with my boyfriend, with just a cake and a bottle of red wine. My boyfriend managed to get so drunk that he danced naked for 10 minutes, then told me I'm hideously obese but that he loves me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 170

You deserved it 5 724

Taking stock

Commando

Fill her up

Victim blaming

By Anonymous - 28/08/2014 21:16 - Portugal

Today, my demented little sister walked up to me and kicked me between the legs. I told my parents, but they just accusingly asked me what I did to provoke her. When I said, "Nothing", they accused me of lying. There is no justice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 042

You deserved it 3 471

06/04/2016 16:59 - United States - Meriden

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend wanted to try having sex despite her serious body image issues. Unfortunately, I couldn't get it up due to how utterly terrified she looked. Now no matter what I say, she thinks it's all because her body is hideous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 945

You deserved it 2 901

01/09/2012 23:15 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, a dog attacked me. Its owner, instead of apologizing and helping me, said it was my own fault for making it think I was an attacker by running past them. We were on a jogging track. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 643

You deserved it 1 962

Connecting people

By sam - 02/12/2020 23:01

Today, I learned that the person my ex-girlfriend left me for is my ex-girlfriend from before her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 121

04/08/2011 16:05 - United States

Today, I went mud wrestling for the first time at a mud bog. After a day of fun and getting cleaned up, I realized that my mom's ring was no longer on my finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 503

You deserved it 53 123

08/12/2012 09:28 - Australia - Weston

Today, I thought it would be nice to park my new car under a big, shady oak tree to prevent it from heating up in the sun. The big, shady oak tree thought it would be nice to shed a massive branch on top of my new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 888

You deserved it 4 124

30/07/2015 22:04 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I had to sit through an entire conversation where my sister and her boyfriend sent voice messages to one another, of their farts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 631

You deserved it 2 196

09/07/2011 04:32 - United States

Today, I realized that my wife is such a bitch normally, she's actually nicer when she is on her period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 431

You deserved it 8 145

17/10/2015 21:32 - United States - Hardwick

Today, the couple I've been housesitting for returned. Apparently, I kept the place too clean, and they don't believe that I actually stayed here. They're refusing to pay me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 511

You deserved it 1 630

The sound of silence

By hearing too much - 03/11/2019 02:00

Today, the walls in my house are so thin that I heard my roommate yell from the bathroom upstairs, "Hear my butthole roar." Now I’m scared to use the bathroom after him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 688

You deserved it 200

Oh lawd, he comin'

By logkitty - 10/04/2012 04:35 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was sitting in my car outside my apartment complex when a man came around the corner holding something shiny, and I thought was a gun. Thinking I was about to get robbed at gunpoint, I bugged out and threw up. It was a silver watering can. He asked if I was okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 528

You deserved it 12 776

23/04/2012 09:51 - United States

Today, due to nervousness, I threw up while proposing to my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 175

You deserved it 3 774

09/01/2015 06:44 - United States - Fremont

Today, I was sitting at my computer, petting one of my cats, who was sitting on my lap. My other cat got jealous and tried to climb onto my lap as well. They ended up fighting. I was wearing shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 371

You deserved it 4 405

07/08/2011 02:49 - United States

Today, I found that there is nothing worse than coming home to a snake slithering across your kitchen floor. Except when it disappears into your cabinets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 657

You deserved it 3 351

08/02/2009 07:39 - Canada

Today, I was watching 24 and realized that Jack Bauer had gotten more action in 5 hours than I had in 5 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 425

You deserved it 6 806

07/01/2016 03:38 - United States - Netcong

Today, I found out the reason why my cat would sometimes go outside for days at a time was because when she would go out, my neighbor would lure her in with cat treats and keep her there for up to 2 days. She's an indoor cat now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 705

You deserved it 2 008

06/07/2013 04:17 - United States

Today, I went over my girlfriend of 3 months' house for the first time. As we walked through the door, I was greeted by a little girl whose first words to me were, "Are you my daddy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 577

You deserved it 4 887

Keeping up appearances

By Carebeareatu - 13/03/2020 15:00

Today, my friends gave me a complete makeover, which included clothes from their wardrobe, to prepare me for an upcoming job interview. I was then declined the position, because apparently, I "looked too wealthy" to need the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 731

You deserved it 117

18/10/2014 02:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, I sent my fiancé a sexy picture while I was at work. I never got a response from him, so I gave him a call after a while. His 9-year-old son answered. Apparently he was getting a haircut at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 457

You deserved it 10 246

06/12/2013 20:23 - United Kingdom - Pontypridd

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 279

You deserved it 8 865

29/06/2009 14:30 - United Kingdom

Today, after playing in an online casino, I won £200. Being pretty tight for cash at the moment I was pretty excited. I then tried to withdraw it to be told that I can't have a penny of it because I didn't register my card details first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 079

You deserved it 41 764

News from China

By HkxAliso0302 - 03/03/2020 22:00 - China - Beijing

Today, I've been trapped at home for almost two months because of the epidemic. Now I'm thrilled just to get to go outside to throw garbage away, as if I'm going on a trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 663

You deserved it 174

10/07/2012 10:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 801

You deserved it 41 211

27/08/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I went to get food, I was late so my friend ordered for me. I took a few bites and it was getting hard to breathe. I realized it's a bluebery muffin, I'm deathly allergic. I look to my friend, she was laughing saying she wanted to see if it was true. I just got out of the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 011

You deserved it 5 887

19/05/2019 14:15

Today, I walked into work on time, went into my office, sat down and turned on the computer. After working for about 4 hours, my wife called and told me to look at the clock on my computer. I put it off until after lunch, when I realized today is Sunday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 564

You deserved it 1 249

22/03/2013 06:13 - United States

Today, I finally built up the courage to quit my job. I waited an hour to speak to the boss; I finally sat down with her, and she told me I had to be let go because I'm not "reliable enough." The only time I missed work was when I had the stomach flu. I was fired before I could even quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 881

You deserved it 3 458

23/11/2010 00:18 - United States

Today, I went to use the public restroom. As I saw the toilet paper was out, I could see there was some hanging down from the other stall. As I went to grab it, I felt a hand grab mine and a voice ask seductively, "what were you reaching for?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 141

You deserved it 9 828

02/11/2013 06:27 - United States

Today, I woke up to a brand new password on my phone that only my wife knows. Apparently, she thinks I've been looking at my phone more than I've been talking to her lately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 949

You deserved it 47 219

16/06/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, I reached into my fridge to grab a strawberry soda. I noticed the can had started to leak from the top so I slurped up the spilt red liquid on the top of the can. I realized it wasn't soda, but blood from a defrosting steak on the shelf above it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 635

You deserved it 23 373

20/03/2013 11:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, for the sixth time in a row, I was driving my kid to school and he made me late for work. Why? He was whacking off instead of getting ready. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 590

You deserved it 6 764

24/02/2014 19:36 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my pregnant wife's parents called me at work, saying she'd been crying inconsolably and wouldn't say what was wrong. After pleading with my boss, I rushed home. Turns out there was an "ugly" sofa in a TV ad and she felt it was "picking on ugly sofas". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 388

You deserved it 4 624

Anyway, here's Wonderwall

By Anonymous - 01/04/2009 05:47 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street with my acoustic guitar on my back. I saw a girl that I like coming down the opposite way, so I decided to play my guitar to try and impress her. I started to tune it quickly, but while I wasn't paying attention, I ran into a pole. Now my guitar is cracked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 350

You deserved it 80 301

Give Me Novacaine

By implantme - 11/05/2017 14:00

Today, I learnt that my tooth is cracking due to a crown that was put in this past October to prevent the previous crown from doing that. Cheers to an implant at 25 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 002

You deserved it 231

26/11/2013 05:50 - United States - West Fargo

Today, I took my girlfriend to a scary movie, hoping I could comfort her at a scary part. Instead when a scary part came on, she reacted by throwing up all over my lap and the person in front of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 219

You deserved it 8 683

02/08/2009 21:20 - Canada

Today, a moth was flying around my house. Annoyed, I picked up a shoe to crush it with. The moth landed on a light fixture on the ceiling, so I made my move. Dead, the moth slipped gracefully through air and onto my head. So did the light fixture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 803

You deserved it 51 892

05/09/2016 13:32 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I entered a raffle at a local fashion designer event; the prize was $400 credit at the store that was hosting it (which was just enough for one of their dresses). Good news: I won! Bad news: they don't carry a single thing above a women's size 5. I'm 6'2" and 180 lbs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 655

You deserved it 1 387

17/04/2009 18:42 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor and found out that I am infertile. When I called my boyfriend of 2 years (whom I was hoping to have a future with) to talk to him about it, all he said was "So does this mean I don't have to wear a condom anymore?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 762

You deserved it 7 326

10/09/2009 10:55 - Virgin Islands British

Today, I woke up at my crazy ex-girlfriend's house, naked and disoriented. You know, the kind of crazy like we-didn't-break-up-it-was-just-a-fight-now-we-can-get-married crazy. She says everything's fine now and she's so glad we've "started our family." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 109

You deserved it 16 766

10/12/2016 08:44

Today, I attended a white elephant party at work and the box I picked had whisky and beer. Since I am a Muslim, I took it to my Christian friend's house and gave it to him. As I was walking there, I passed my imam on the street. Awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 690

You deserved it 1 249

16/09/2013 11:09 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. He told me he was a dinosaur. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 061

You deserved it 5 891

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Top comments

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Saturday 13 November 2010 19:43

are you hideously obese?

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Saturday 13 November 2010 19:47

Was the cake good at least?

Comments

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Saturday 13 November 2010 19:43

are you hideously obese?

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Saturday 13 November 2010 19:48

Win.

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Saturday 13 November 2010 20:13

Someone is a chubeh chaser!

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Saturday 13 November 2010 20:47

2 people =/= party

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Saturday 13 November 2010 21:00

but at least he loves you.

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Saturday 13 November 2010 21:25

I'm hideously obese. (;

phatskaterduder 0

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Saturday 13 November 2010 21:39

hey fat chicks need loving too lol

allmidnighteyes 10

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Sunday 14 November 2010 0:25

Do you know this from experience, 63?

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Sunday 14 November 2010 3:11

HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAH.

bh0p 0

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Sunday 14 November 2010 4:05

well he still loves you

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Sunday 14 November 2010 5:41

I don't see the fml in here. Even if you are hideously obese, he still loves you. You found yourself a good man. Now reward him by working out and getting rid of those extra pounds.

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Sunday 14 November 2010 7:17

64 - does it look like he did?

titanic12beth 0

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Thursday 18 November 2010 9:16

you insult yourself on all your comments haha

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Monday 5 September 2011 7:41

come on fat ass, lose some of that weight. Don't expect people to feel sorry for you because you are fat!

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Friday 31 October 2014 20:41

Exactly, some fmls are left unfinished, WE WANT THE WHOLE STORY BITCHES

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Saturday 13 November 2010 19:44

YDI for being hideously obese.

NicoleMorganX3 0

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Saturday 13 November 2010 19:47

:/ he was drunk

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Sunday 14 November 2010 1:51

I find drunk people and children are pretty honest.

cuddlekitty66 0

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Sunday 14 November 2010 4:51

They say you are most honest when your drunk. And children will just out right say things; they have no embaressment of saying it.

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 2:40

Drunken words = sober thoughts..

Maxwellminpin 19

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Saturday 27 February 2016 18:46

Drunk children??

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Saturday 13 November 2010 19:47

Was the cake good at least?

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Saturday 13 November 2010 19:47

It's just drunk talk.

tencentsakiss 19

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Saturday 13 November 2010 19:55

Drunk people are more honest. I don't think this will make her feel much better.

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Saturday 13 November 2010 20:00

Oh yeah good point there, well I'm not going to say something like "hit tha gym fatty", but he said he loves you right :p? If drunk people are honest I guess he means it.

chinadollsierra 0

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Sunday 14 November 2010 2:49

I agree with that bit of what you said, it's the key phrase being loves you anyways! So at least he honestly loves you. It's all okay, babe! Work those rolls. [:

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Saturday 13 November 2010 19:48

wow ... sounds like the wrong person was celebrating like it was their birthday.

RedPillSucks 31

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Saturday 13 November 2010 22:49

We gon' sip Bacardi like its your birthday And you know we don't give a fuck if it's not your birthday.

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Saturday 13 November 2010 19:50

thats just pillow talk, fatty.

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Saturday 13 November 2010 21:15

lmao! that's funny!

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Saturday 13 November 2010 21:30

Good one : )

Randomlyscrm13 0

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Saturday 13 November 2010 19:51

O sad... Kinda... Maybe u should dump him.. .

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Saturday 13 November 2010 20:13

He loves her despite the fact that she's hideously obese and you think she should dump him?

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Saturday 13 November 2010 20:47

That's exactly what I was thinking. ^^^^

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Sunday 14 November 2010 1:53

Dump on him.

strawberrybanana_fml 1

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Saturday 13 November 2010 19:52

oh no! I'm sorry!

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Thursday 7 April 2011 10:42

Why? Are you the boyfriend?

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Saturday 13 November 2010 19:58

Are you surprised by this news? I guess the FML lies within the fact that your loving boyfriend spewed such information while drunk. If you think you are, do something about it. But i mean, at least he loves you despite your large frame.

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Thursday 7 April 2011 10:40

Cover up the cleavage, darl. We don't want to see it. There is children using this site as young as 12. :/

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 42

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155

You deserved it 494