Love: Today, I was horsing around after my big test. Someone punched...

By filipinoclari808 - United States

Today, I was horsing around after my big test. Someone punched me softly on my back. Figuring it was my friend, I turned around and did a roundhouse kick. It was my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15759

You deserved it

81240

Favorite

Love

BO Central

Modern Family

Good news

By Anonymous - 12/5/2020 20:00

Vultures

Today, after spending a few weeks getting to know my birth father and thinking he seemed decent, he's realised my adoptive parents aren’t rich and no, I can’t lend him a few grand. Now, he’s vanished and written several nasty Facebook posts about not being able to trust family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2167

You deserved it

227

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I found out that my husband only dated me because I look like what he thought the daughter he had with his first wife might look like when she's grown up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2197

You deserved it

145

Favorite

By ElamentalAngel - United Kingdom

Today, my 3 year old nephew was sitting on my knee at the computer. He was annoying me as he kept on pressing all the buttons. To scare him off I did a creepy voice in his ear that makes him cry. He turned round and broke my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17286

You deserved it

83722

Favorite

By little_star78 - United States - Bloomfield Hills

Today, I tried to put the little girl I babysit in timeout for lying to me. I was about to sit her down when she made a mad dash for the basement stairs, slipped on the wood floor, and fell down them. She told her parents and everyone at the ER that I had thrown her down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60046

You deserved it

3586

Favorite

By williebees - United States - Huntsville

Today, as I was about to walk across the street, a girl in front of me who clearly wasn't paying attention to the traffic, almost got run over. I grabbed her arm and jumped back. She was fine. I fell and fractured my arm and wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28428

You deserved it

2409

Favorite

By Anon - Singapore

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. He got a text and reached over to get his phone. In the process, he elbowed my face and busted my lip. He laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29937

You deserved it

4163

Favorite

By fuck fof and die dad - Germany - Kiel

Today, I've tried to have a quiet jack off four times, only for my dad to knock on my bedroom door within seconds and say "STOP IT." every single time. Now I'm too paranoid to even function. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39394

You deserved it

9378

Favorite

By P0wned - France

Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71856

You deserved it

5248

Favorite

By damaged - United States - La Verne

Today, I drove in heavy rain for the first time, by myself. I had been told to drive below the speed limit, and be extra careful of the cars around me. Nobody had told me about thunder scaring a cow that would then escape from the corral and hit my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26623

You deserved it

1781

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend sent me a text telling me to turn the radio on to a certain station. When I did, there was a talk show on, and the host was ranting about how important it is for women to control themselves and not be emotional. My boyfriend continued texting me, asking if I was listening. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58058

You deserved it

14771

Favorite

By lucas_urev - United States - Cold Spring Harbor

Today, I had made a cup of my favorite coffee, which I had recently found to be discontinued. To accompany this last cup, I went to get a muffin. As I turned around, I see my son pouring the cup out because I out put it next to the sink and he thought it was dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36663

You deserved it

7093

Favorite

By TomorrowMaybe - Denmark - Frederiksberg

Today, I got my new smartwatch that I ordered for myself on the promise that I would use it for tracking my new exercise routine. Instead, I used it for playing Pong whilst eating cake and drinking wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7722

You deserved it

8142

Favorite

By thank u usa - Germany

Today, I came across a tourist in the street asking people for directions, but nobody understood him. I speak English, so I went to help the gentleman out. He said "Knock it off with the cheesy accent, pal" and informed me that my country is a shithole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44946

You deserved it

3545

Favorite

By anon - United States - San Francisco

Today, while getting ready for a job interview, I sneezed while brushing my teeth, splattering toothpaste everywhere and ruining my brand new dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29754

You deserved it

4741

Favorite

By fmyarse - United Kingdom - Blairgowrie

Today, I realised a second too late why trying to hack a popcorn kernel out from between your teeth with a steak knife is really a bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6573

You deserved it

48757

Favorite

By cat_lady - 5/4/2020 17:00

Follow the yellow brown road

Today, I watched as my poor old cat dragged his ass across our living room carpet, leaving an equally long shit stain on our pristine carpet. My pleas for him to stop only made his diarrhea worse as he ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1404

You deserved it

282

Favorite

By dancer101 - United States

Today, I met my daughter's boyfriend, who she hopes to marry. I asked what he does, to which he answered, "I'm a Flamencologist." Flamencology? The study of Flamenco? Huh? FML

I agree, your life sucks

27766

You deserved it

6963

Favorite

By anniecook - United States

Today, I saw an old man who needed help crossing the street. I went over to him and helped him across the street. When he thanked me, I said, "No problem, sir." They responded by hitting me in the happy sacks and screaming that they were a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25881

You deserved it

7197

Favorite

By elisabeth_pwnes - Norway

Today, my fiancé came home drunk with some girl. Then he told her that I was his sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46136

You deserved it

3725

Favorite

By :-( - Australia - Rozelle

Today, I finally convinced my mum to take me to a psychologist. As soon as he sat me down and asked me how I was doing, my mum burst into tears and went on a rant about how her life is terrible and she regrets everything. I was asked to sit in the waiting room. She used up my whole hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53952

You deserved it

3619

Favorite

By keiran123 - United States - Welsh

Today, on my first day at my new job delivering pizzas, I got bit by a guy dressed as Dracula. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46213

You deserved it

3312

Favorite

By Like mother like daughter - United States - Aurora

Today, I had a talk with my daughter about how I hope her first boyfriend is a special one because 'spending the night' with a boy is a big deal. She replied with a giggle, "Mom, I lost my virginity in a parking lot three years ago!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

42327

You deserved it

9399

Favorite

By Oops

Today, someone broke the flush on the toilet in the only female bathroom in the office, and didn’t leave either a note or out of order sign. The broken flush became very apparent, however, after I was unable to flush the vile smelling deposit I’d left in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3425

You deserved it

381

Favorite

By greenchan - United States

Today, I had to take an emergency contraceptive. I was talking to my boyfriend about it, and I told him that my stomach really hurt. His response? "Aw. That's just the baby dying." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51108

You deserved it

20859

Favorite

By stupid_airbag - Australia

Today, the air bag system in my car somehow malfunctioned, and the air bag inflated while I was driving, causing me to lose control and crash into a street light. I ended up with a badly bruised face because the air bag had already deflated by then. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28828

You deserved it

1748

Favorite

By notnicefools - United States - San Diego

Today, I went to visit my husband's grave. I was unable to mourn in peace because some teenagers were smoking pot and talking about a government conspiracy "to change the way gravity works" on the next grave over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39483

You deserved it

2286

Favorite

By jlong9071 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I learned that when you're talking about your girlfriend's 6'4", 250 lb dad in a negative way, you should really make sure he isn't around first. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19847

You deserved it

39845

Favorite

By Wow - United States - Sanford

Today, I walked outside to see my dog killing my cat. My spouse tried to cheer me up - "Hey, at least we don't have to buy cat food anymore!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

28796

You deserved it

3301

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/11/2020 02:02

Father, you mean father

Today, I found out wife has two baby daddies for our two kids. I’m neither one’s baby daddy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1022

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I came home after a long day at work, and decided to tidy up a bit before finally settling down to relax. I went to take the garbage out, when the bag split and out fell the trash along with hundreds of tiny red ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41043

You deserved it

3273

Favorite

By preggo - United States

Today, someone asked when my baby was due. I'm not pregnant, but I was so embarrassed to be mistaken for a pregnant lady that I rubbed my tummy and said "December." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38239

You deserved it

15623

Favorite

By jess - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I woke up and decided to make my mom a special Easter breakfast in bed. I pre-heated the oven to bake the sausage just the way she likes. Guess where my easter basket was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31675

You deserved it

6971

Favorite

By workaholic - United States - San Francisco

Today, I thought I'd finally finished the special project my boss gave me of changing the eligibility details on several hundred loans. My coworker later pointed out that the document was the same as it had been hours before, and that the changes I made hadn't saved at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42340

You deserved it

7410

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my vegan girlfriend openly admitted that she'd let me die if she had to choose between saving my life or an animal's. She actually seemed confused as to why that upset me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35740

You deserved it

4368

Favorite

By NiquetChrome - France

Today, I borrowed my 23-year-old son's laptop. The sticky keyboard gave me a good idea of his browsing history. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46938

You deserved it

14047

Favorite

By CJ - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, I was looking for a moustache comb, couldn't find it anywhere. Then I noticed it in a basket by the toilet with scissors. My wife's been using it to trim her pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15099

You deserved it

2285

Favorite

By Sid - United States

Today, my dog was barking at a squirrel in the yard. I opened the door to let him chase the squirrel. I went to look at the dead squirrel and found out it was the neighbor's chihuahua. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24643

You deserved it

41609

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I competed in a ballet competition and made the finals, while I was on stage awaiting the results, I sneezed really loudly and snot went flying all over the stage. When I went to accept my award the woman presenting it refused to shake my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38610

You deserved it

8782

Favorite

By 42 - Canada

Today, my parents told me that I was born to entertain my brother. I have found the meaning of life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42649

You deserved it

4102

Favorite

By notyourparkingspot - Canada - Edmonton

Today, a guy who lives in my condo complex threatened to take my husband and me to small claims court. Why? He was mad about the $300 fine to get his truck back after it was towed, because he was parked in our spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4261

You deserved it

345

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By RichHurtz | 0

#115962 - Thursday 16 April 2009 16:09

Someone taps you so you roundhouse kick them? What are you, an idiot?

By rw4rf1s | 0

#115956 - Thursday 16 April 2009 16:07

FLAWLESS VICTORY

COMMENTS

By Jamiee69 | 0

#115942 - Thursday 16 April 2009 16:03

Haha that wasnt very nice!
Pee Ess: Im first:D

quent10 | 0

#1056348 - Saturday 3 July 2010 4:05

I had no clue we roundhouse our friends to say hello now ?

ZTB13 | 4

#1508362 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 19:57

OP are you fucking Chuck Norris now or something?

QuickSilv3r777 | 0

#1872884 - Tuesday 21 December 2010 10:49

road house...

lolfood | 24

#5427237 - Saturday 30 March 2013 8:11

This went straight to my favorites.

everton99 | 16

#6215738 - Friday 27 February 2015 15:45

Easily one of the best FMLs I have read.

By wanderingidiot | 0

#115949 - Thursday 16 April 2009 16:04

so will she make out with you still?

mazuma | 0

#981722 - Monday 19 April 2010 7:14

I don't understand. you give your friends a full power round house kick? if it wasn't full power than it doesn't matter.

LukeeRamljaakk | 0

#1754702 - Friday 26 November 2010 14:45

from the girlfriend:
Today, I saw my boyfriend and I lightly punched him in the back. thinking he would turn around and kiss me, I smiled. he ended up roundhouse kicking me in the face. I think I'm dating chuck norris. FML

kiwigail | 0

#1784048 - Thursday 2 December 2010 17:47

best ever

mygreenhoodie | 0

#1915219 - Saturday 1 January 2011 5:36

if she was dating chuck norris it wouldn't be a
FML

markymark1429 | 8

#2588706 - Monday 30 May 2011 18:32

if she was dating chuck Norris and was kicked by him, she wouldn't be alive to write an Fml

By ravirobin | 0

#115952 - Thursday 16 April 2009 16:06

sucks for you dude.... guess you are not getting laid for 2 weeks...

coldasfire | 23

#6380694 - Friday 14 August 2015 18:24

More like 2 years

By sodawater19 | 0

#115953 - Thursday 16 April 2009 16:06

who the hell do you think you are??? Chuck Norris???

SynfulPinion | 6

#979509 - Tuesday 13 April 2010 22:47

holy shit, that was funny lol

eaterofpies | 0

#1354107 - Sunday 5 September 2010 8:10

lmfao that's awesome

By rw4rf1s | 0

#115956 - Thursday 16 April 2009 16:07

FLAWLESS VICTORY

cpkenn09y | 0

#706577 - Sunday 6 December 2009 1:59

you are a true Ninja!! A Ninja, does not take shit from anybody, not even his gf :D Round House Kick to the FACE

_cameronkc_ | 17

#6213691 - Wednesday 25 February 2015 15:18

well actually, OP was hit, so it wouldn't count as a flawless victory :/

By Socrates_fml | 0

#115959 - Thursday 16 April 2009 16:08

was it at least a good one?

By RichHurtz | 0

#115962 - Thursday 16 April 2009 16:09

Someone taps you so you roundhouse kick them? What are you, an idiot?

Kgirl2cute | 6

#1061266 - Sunday 4 July 2010 3:54

^ this

By 001001001 | 0

#115964 - Thursday 16 April 2009 16:11

Sounds fake...

blankaex | 0

#911160 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 16:07

yeah, he said girlfriend not ex

By d101_fml | 0

#115967 - Thursday 16 April 2009 16:13

Jean-Claude?

By Sure_Thing | 0

#115975 - Thursday 16 April 2009 16:15

When would a soft punch EVER warrant a roundhouse kick? Why would you ever roundhouse someone? You've clearly been watching WAY too much Walker Texas Ranger... Grow up

damatix | 3

#2800730 - Friday 1 July 2011 22:35