Love: Today, my girlfriend of 2 months decided to wrestle with my younger... - FML

By lonleystoner91 - 03/09/2010 08:30 - France

Today, my girlfriend of 2 months decided to wrestle with my younger brother. He has gotten more action than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 978

You deserved it 7 620

Taking stock

My booze

A boy can dream

By overdriven07 - 01/09/2009 15:07 - United States

Today, my landlord asked to borrow my truck to move some furniture. When she returned it, I noticed she had filled the gas tank up. I thanked her for doing so, and she handed me the receipt and said "just add it to next month's rent". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 796

You deserved it 3 505

By Well... fuck me sideways and call me Eustace - 31/01/2013 11:34 - United States - Riverside

Today, on my way to work, I hit a pothole about the size of Alabama, bending my wheel and flattening my tire. After changing it and having to explain myself to my furious boss, I went back on that road in my other car to take a picture of the pothole. While looking for it, I hit it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 490

You deserved it 42 197

By Anonymous - 07/05/2012 05:25 - United States - North Bergen

Today, I went to a river near my house. They have several swing ropes that you grab and then jump into the river. As I was about to let go of the rope, my leg got tangled and I was held underwater. My mom watched and laughed for a while before she came to help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 527

You deserved it 3 033

By Kim - 10/04/2009 07:12 - United States

Today, I got back a paper after a peer review. I had worked really hard on it over the last week and was proud of the end result. When I got the paper back the only positive comment on the paper was "well I really like the blue staple you used to hold it together." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 799

You deserved it 5 233

By idk - 04/09/2015 14:15 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I was getting ready to go out with my family. As I was putting my phone in my purse, my father told me I wouldn't need it because we were going to spend 'quality time' together. The entire time I was there, everyone was staring at their phone. I was the only one without one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 930

You deserved it 2 779

By rosemary - 11/05/2017 18:00

Today, we paid to park in a lot in the city. Hours later, we returned to find our car booted. Apparently the guy that took our money didn't work there. We're stuck three states away from home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 215

You deserved it 389

By Liz - 08/07/2019 00:00

Today, I woke up, and I could see perfectly. Somehow, during the night, my eyes magically became 20/20. I was overjoyed, until I realized I'd fallen asleep with my glasses on. My eyes are still trash, and I want to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 598

You deserved it 555

By UghCats - 06/02/2011 01:58 - United States

Today, one of my cats peed all over the back of my couch, so I put her outside for a while. When I let her in, she ran straight to the couch and peed on my laptop. This has been going on ever since I accidentally stepped on her tail, several months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 728

You deserved it 12 113

By snow - 17/11/2017 01:30

Today, I woke up with a massive hangover after passing out at a wild party the night before. Apparently my friends couldn't find a marker, because I woke up with dozens of dicks drawn on my body and face in henna. I have a job interview today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 785

You deserved it 3 882

By Anonymous - 23/09/2015 15:48 - United States - Bedminster

Today, I got an angry call from my 7-year-old son's school. It turned out that while doing a "what I want to be when I'm older" assignment, he wrote that he wants to be an internet troll so he can make people mad and make them kill themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 335

You deserved it 4 309

By Anonymous - 05/03/2011 05:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend went down on me for the first time. Just as I was reaching climax my brother raced into the bathroom right next to my door and began to vomit extremely loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 026

You deserved it 5 548

By Anonymous - 16/03/2014 03:46 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I was walking and saw a quarter. I bent down to pick it up. Barely a foot ahead there was another, so I crawled over to get it. This continued for about six feet when I realize a kid was laying them out in a trail. I had collected 7 fake quarters and the kid had it on video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 704

You deserved it 21 854

By Anonymous - 29/05/2012 17:50 - Netherlands - Lelystad

Today, I spilled my guts to my girlfriend, saying I'm scared that all I do is upset her. I then had to sit through a speech about how upset she was that I hadn't told her sooner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 006

You deserved it 4 771

By Alex - 20/06/2014 22:05 - United Kingdom - Greenford

Today, my dad told me that I was conceived while he and my mother were high on LSD. He then stared into the distance, mumbled "Probably explains a few things" and chuckled to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 371

You deserved it 4 140

By Anonymous - 11/04/2014 23:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after months of busting our asses and working round the clock on our latest project, I and the whole office just got bad news: when our boss promised extremely generous bonuses for doing all this, he was point-blank lying, and intended to take credit for our work all along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 946

You deserved it 3 440

By sostupid - 10/10/2009 19:22 - United States

Today, my friend and I drove three hours to attend a U2 concert. We had been psyched about the tickets for weeks because they were awesome seats (my early Christmas present). After a long drive, we get to the venue and I realize in horror that I left tickets at home, on my desk, three hours away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 776

You deserved it 51 044

By Hipnog - 07/11/2015 14:33 - Czech Republic

Today, I realised how damn creepy I am because I get nervous and smile when someone looks at me, and no it's not one of those smiles you'd love looking at, it's a smile straight out of a horror movie. I made a bunch of children run away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 441

You deserved it 2 675

By Anonymous - 27/04/2013 16:35 - Denmark

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because he says I need to learn how to be happy without relying on him. I'm not a clinger, I'm just unhappy because my dad recently passed away, my best friend turned on me, and I lost out on the exchange program of my dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 190

You deserved it 4 090

By toothbreaker - 22/08/2019 11:00 - United States - Tucson

Today, I bought my very first college textbook. I received a stack of hole-punched papers. My $195 "book" isn’t even bound together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 757

You deserved it 172

By Brandon Butler - 04/03/2011 09:22

Today, I was riding my motorcycle on the highway and wearing all of my gear - boots, gloves, jacket, and full-face helmet. Somehow a bee found the only spot not covered on my body and stung my neck. I'm allergic to bees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 559

You deserved it 2 984

By LonelyLoner - 26/11/2009 18:19 - United States

Today, I went out to lunch with a girl I like and her best friend. We had a good time, even talked for a few hours at the restaurant, but after we left, she stopped talking to me. Her friend told her that I kept staring at her chest; I was trying to see what her pendant was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 836

You deserved it 38 118

Whistleblower

By Anonymous - 06/08/2021 20:01 - United States

Today, I discovered two senior doctors made misdiagnoses by ignoring protocols. When I confronted them, they denied it. My director told me not to turn them in, and I'm not financially stable enough to quit. The state licensing board only takes complaints from patients. I'm so sorry, I don't know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 020

You deserved it 56

Rollercoaster

By Margaret - 04/09/2020 02:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, within the span of one day, the owner of the business I work at said I could write "Technical & Compliance Manager" on paperwork where I was the approver for engineered compliance of product regulatory records, but also that I was "basically just a secretary." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 041

You deserved it 169

By pedestrian - 26/01/2011 05:07 - United States

Today, I let my friend borrow my car. She parked it in a towing zone, and it was towed. The best part is, it was towed by a bogus towing company. The cops assure me it's safe in a chop shop somewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 967

You deserved it 4 544

By Gemma - 06/01/2012 23:16 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my mother thought it would be a good idea to tell me that I was conceived on an airplane toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 622

You deserved it 3 061

By MissNoFuture - 20/06/2011 07:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he's been having doubts, but he still wants to stay with me. I asked him why he had been so nervous about us and he replied, "I don't know, just thinking about a future with you makes me feel nauseous". We've been together over 2 years now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 091

You deserved it 4 025

By Noname - 12/03/2009 00:09 - United States

Today, I was studying for a final when I noticed all I had was a blue highlighter. I decided to drive to the store to get a yellow one. On the way there, I got $200 worth of traffic tickets for not stopping at a stop sign. I basically spent $200 because I prefer yellow highlighters over blue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 489

You deserved it 109 981

By wowzer - 28/08/2014 19:58 - Puerto Rico - Gurabo

Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 297

You deserved it 3 601

By RYZILLAHitZ - 30/06/2011 01:32 - United States

Today, as I was walking home from work, my dad drove past, pulled over, rolled down the window and asked, "Are you tired of walking?" To which I replied "Yes!" Just as I reached for the car door, he yelled "RUN A WHILE" and sped off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 948

You deserved it 5 725

By irishbubble - 04/06/2013 12:35 - Australia - Sydney

Today, after finally seeing a psychologist about the death of my dad and spending the longest hour of my life confessing every thought I've experienced in the 6 years since his passing, my psychologist asked me if I was walking home or if my dad would be picking me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 033

You deserved it 4 097

By laurwitharawr - 06/10/2009 12:08 - United States

Today, my daughter was feeling sick. She threw up on the floor. As I was cleaning up her vomit, she threw up on my head. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 358

You deserved it 4 413

First time?

By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 11:56 - United States - Westminster

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It was also the first time he'd ever had sex. How could I tell? He cried all the way through, and called his parents right after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 151

You deserved it 6 865

By Anon. - 05/05/2016 21:00 - United States - Allentown

Today, like every other day my boyfriend and I try and have sex, his dog cried and whined outside of his room until we stopped. She does this all the time and it kills the mood instantly. I can't have sex because of a toy poodle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 609

You deserved it 2 337

By Anonymous - 13/03/2011 22:26 - United States

Today, in an attempt to impress a girl I like, I tried to crush a soda can by hitting it with my forehead. Not only did I fail, I knocked myself out in the process. When I regained consciousness, the girl was gone and someone had taken the liberty of drawing a penis on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 734

You deserved it 73 777

Adapt, improvise, overcome

By Arthur B. - 24/09/2019 12:01

Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 299

You deserved it 422

By KamiAzaaaaaa - 11/12/2015 16:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out my credit card was maxed out to the penny, all thanks to purchases made on an online wine store. Apparently my mother was thirsty enough to steal from her own son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 709

You deserved it 1 537

Losing more than I'll ever have

By Into the darkness - 30/03/2021 21:30

Today, my girlfriend left me. When she moved out, she even took the light bulbs with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 90

By Anonymous - 14/10/2011 14:41 - United States

Today, my dad yelled at me for buying chunky peanut butter. He wanted smooth. Apparently he's "allergic to peanuts." I had to explain to him why his argument made no sense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 267

You deserved it 2 643

Need help

By misty - 16/04/2021 05:00

Today, I have been crying uncontrollably for a week straight. Why? Someone posted a mean comment about me on the internet a week ago. No matter how much I try to think about something else, I can’t. What is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 765

You deserved it 469

By dangerZone - 27/02/2013 16:43 - United States - Statesboro

Today, trying to be nice, I sat with the lonely kid at lunch. While eating, he started laughing and showed me his hit list. I was at the top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 023

You deserved it 5 713

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Top comments

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Friday 3 September 2010 19:02

yeah..life must really suck knowing your gf isn't an easy skank.

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Friday 3 September 2010 19:00

suck it up, OP. it's only been 2 months.

Comments

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Friday 3 September 2010 18:56

sucks

w2z1 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 18:57

Lawlz.

MarkerofMagic 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 18:58

haha your younger brother is a pimp :p

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Friday 3 September 2010 19:00

lol sucks

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Friday 3 September 2010 19:00

It's only been two months? ....maybe ur doing something wrong

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Friday 3 September 2010 19:00

It's only been two months? ....maybe ur doing something wrong

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Friday 3 September 2010 19:01

boop

fylimgettinglaid 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 19:15

if you are too scared to hit it, then he will, and frankly he should just to show you exactly what king of little bitch you are.

mfmylifesrsly 29

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Friday 3 September 2010 19:18

if by action you mean making out and cuddling, then yeah your life sucks. if you mean sex, then get over it, 2 months isn't long, maybe she doesn't want to have sex until she knows the relationship is for the long run.

AquaticHairBrush 11

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Saturday 11 February 2017 0:02

So she fucks his brother ? Who she is not dating

StopTheFuckinCar_fml 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 19:20

how do you even have a girlfriend OP, you sound like you have no game at all.

itsybitsyspider 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 19:28

lolol fail

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Friday 3 September 2010 19:28

lol kid win

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Friday 3 September 2010 19:30

i like the pic 23 mm yummy(:

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Friday 3 September 2010 19:32

Shoulda jumped her in her weakened state

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Friday 3 September 2010 19:40

Well... how old are you and your brother? More information is needed to see if it's you being a pussy or if it's a legitimate FML

mfmylifesrsly 29

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Friday 3 September 2010 19:41

27 you're SO pretty!

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Friday 3 September 2010 19:42

OP grow a pair and talk to her about it. If not cut her off.

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Friday 3 September 2010 19:47

That's why you should get behind her put that bitch in the sleeper hold. Then while she's passed out, then you can get all the action you want.

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Friday 3 September 2010 19:59

lil playa!

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Friday 3 September 2010 20:02

Comment moderated.

BoyFromTheFuture 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 20:11

She was like the macho man on your bro's slim Jim . OH YEAH!

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Friday 3 September 2010 20:42

Join the 3 way dumbass. Clearly she wants to taste the whole family. Or just wants it in both sides by 2 cocks that look the same... cept your lil bros is prolly bigger

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Friday 3 September 2010 21:44

rofl this guys retarded, ydi op for not doing anything.

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Friday 3 September 2010 22:07

jealous?

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Friday 3 September 2010 22:42

lmao 45..LMFAO snap into a slim jim

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Friday 3 September 2010 23:40

agreed

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Saturday 4 September 2010 1:09

frm a girl's point of view, op becareful. wrestling is just Dee begining.

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Saturday 4 September 2010 5:08

nice pic 1

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Saturday 4 September 2010 7:31

dude it's only been 2 months I hope she's not one of those girls who say go me after one date wtf do u expect

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Saturday 4 September 2010 8:50

lol @ 28. Atleast you have/had a girlfriend...

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 4:12

it's been two months. calm down.

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Friday 3 September 2010 18:59

make ur move then!!!

JillianlikesVogu 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 20:21

You look like such a Chavez.

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Tuesday 14 June 2011 0:14

hehe Felow Canadian

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Friday 3 September 2010 19:00

double team her

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Saturday 4 September 2010 8:50

you really should. me' and my brother have done it. it's a bonding experience

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Friday 3 September 2010 19:00

suck it up, OP. it's only been 2 months.

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Friday 3 September 2010 19:02

yeah..life must really suck knowing your gf isn't an easy skank.

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Friday 3 September 2010 21:32

action could mean more than sex could mean a kiss, fondling, or some full body contact such as wrestling around

perdix 29

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Friday 3 September 2010 19:02

You're spending all the money on the dates and he's getting all the pussy for free. Your brother is a genius and you are dickless. It may just be starting with innocent "wrestling" at first, but one day, you won't be around and they may begin the wresting of the naked sort ;) It'll be just as fake as pro wrestling, where the two opponents who are supposed to be against each other are actually working together.

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Friday 19 October 2012 23:34

Perdix..., really?!?

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Friday 3 September 2010 19:02

more than likely she is hot for him then... oh well more fish in the sea....

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Saturday 4 September 2010 7:39

haha win! xD

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Friday 3 September 2010 19:03

Hahha nice name OP (:

MarkerofMagic 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 19:05

win. ^ ^

fmlsxmakexmyxday 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 19:09

ohhh know! not an easy skank that fucks on the first date.

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 9

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 10

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 653

You deserved it 149

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 91