Today, my girlfriend talked me into tanning in a tanning bed for the first time ever. I have never tanned before and didn't know you are supposed to ease into it. I tanned for 15 minutes in the "super bed" and have lobstered. My ass and nuts got the worst of it. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I used a tanning bed for the first time ever, in an attempt to get a base tan for the summer. No one bothered to warn me that you shouldn't go the full ten minutes your first time. Now my skin is as red as my hair. FML
Today, I used the tanning booth for the first time. Not only was I so white that I received first-degree burns all over my body, but I also forgot to remove my knee-high socks. FML
Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I pissed myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML
Today, I tried a self-tanner in an attempt to rid myself of my ghost-white legs. I got my wish, but instead of a warm golden tan, I have red, swollen, lobster-like marks sticking out from the bottom half of my torso. FML
Today, I went to the tanning bed. I laid down in the bed and turned it on and the fan started blowing. There was a terrible smell and I thought it was the person before me. Then I realized it was just the fan blowing my sweaty feet towards my face. FML
Today, I used a tanning bed at my local gym for the first time. I went in for the full allowed time of 9 minutes. I went to school after and everybody said I looked like Trump. Confused, I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My skin is orange and matches with my bleach blonde hair. FML
Today, I went to get my spray tan before my semi-formal. After I applied lotion to the bottom of my feet as instructed, I went in the booth and began to start the tanning session. I lost my balance and fell right as the machine began to spray. I look like a spotted cheetah. FML
Today, I went to a tanning salon. I guess nobody mentioned that you have to lift your fat rolls or you'll end up with weird stripes where the spray never reached. FML
Today, I decided to try a self-tanning lotion my friend had recommended. I put it on, and decided to take a nap. I woke up later and checked myself in the mirror, expecting to see a new, more tanned version of myself. I didn't. I'm now orange. FML
Today, a day after I went to the beach and fell asleep in the sun without applying sunscreen, I woke up to find myself looking like a lobster, with the worst tan lines possible. On top of that, I had to go to a wedding, and when I walked in, my cousin asked if I had “taken a bath in some tomato soup.” FML
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Top comments
reki_fml 0
Fast track to skin cancer.
tiemoon37 0
that's definitely your girlfriends fault! as a punishment, she will have to walk around next to you :)
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Comments (160)
misery09 0
That sucks. The tanning place staff sucks too. Usually, here anyway, they will tell you how long you should go for the first few times, especially if you look like you haven't ever tanned and are using a mega bed. Your girlfriend should have known this too and should've told you beforehand. :( Vinegar smells..but half vinegar & water blotted all over your burned places should help big time. Vitamin E too I've heard stings at first but kicks ass on burns. Good luck!
necrophrenic 0
YDI. If you weren't metrosexual, this would've never happened. :D
Sappheyes 0
I'm almost wanting to say fake. I cannot fathom the employee at the salon letting a fist time customer onto the highest strength beds at all, let alone for 15 minutes. They aren't going to make more money if the customer burns to a crisp, and never comes back again. Or, if the customer tries to press charges for the 3rd degree burn they received from an inadequately trained salesperson. It's part of their sales pitch to ease you into the tan so that you are happy with your results. Or, maybe the OP is a bit darker complexioned to begin with, but his skin wasn't used to tanning beds? Who knows... but this would be incredibly painful if real.
xHaniffax 0
Tanning is for gays everyone that does it is queer. YDI
O_HALEZ_NAW 0
Oh! So that's how you know who's a homosexual or not.
lmmmr 0
What is it like being a terrible person?
netbeui435 3
see a dr
lesp 6
YDI for letting your girlfriend talk you into getting cancer. And for being an idiot. I've never tanned and never will, but even I knew that.
deliapearl 0
Sounds sexy!
elsieenchanted 0
It's your fault. -.-" You're balls are burned and you can get/have skin cancer. :/
teebonehead 0
Cover up dummy that way you wont burn your junk ! Are you and the girls getting a bikini wax next. Y D I
xxPrettyJane 0
CONGRATS your girlfriend loves you! woohoo skin cancer!