Today, my girlfriend talked me into tanning in a tanning bed for the first time ever. I have never tanned before and didn't know you are supposed to ease into it. I tanned for 15 minutes in the "super bed" and have lobstered. My ass and nuts got the worst of it. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I used a tanning bed for the first time ever, in an attempt to get a base tan for the summer. No one bothered to warn me that you shouldn't go the full ten minutes your first time. Now my skin is as red as my hair. FML
Today, I used the tanning booth for the first time. Not only was I so white that I received first-degree burns all over my body, but I also forgot to remove my knee-high socks. FML
Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I pissed myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML
Today, I tried a self-tanner in an attempt to rid myself of my ghost-white legs. I got my wish, but instead of a warm golden tan, I have red, swollen, lobster-like marks sticking out from the bottom half of my torso. FML
Today, I went to the tanning bed. I laid down in the bed and turned it on and the fan started blowing. There was a terrible smell and I thought it was the person before me. Then I realized it was just the fan blowing my sweaty feet towards my face. FML
Today, I used a tanning bed at my local gym for the first time. I went in for the full allowed time of 9 minutes. I went to school after and everybody said I looked like Trump. Confused, I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My skin is orange and matches with my bleach blonde hair. FML
Today, I went to get my spray tan before my semi-formal. After I applied lotion to the bottom of my feet as instructed, I went in the booth and began to start the tanning session. I lost my balance and fell right as the machine began to spray. I look like a spotted cheetah. FML
Today, I went to a tanning salon. I guess nobody mentioned that you have to lift your fat rolls or you'll end up with weird stripes where the spray never reached. FML
Today, I decided to try a self-tanning lotion my friend had recommended. I put it on, and decided to take a nap. I woke up later and checked myself in the mirror, expecting to see a new, more tanned version of myself. I didn't. I'm now orange. FML
Today, a day after I went to the beach and fell asleep in the sun without applying sunscreen, I woke up to find myself looking like a lobster, with the worst tan lines possible. On top of that, I had to go to a wedding, and when I walked in, my cousin asked if I had “taken a bath in some tomato soup.” FML
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Top comments
reki_fml 0
Fast track to skin cancer.
tiemoon37 0
that's definitely your girlfriends fault! as a punishment, she will have to walk around next to you :)
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Comments (160)
princesskitten 0
Lol. I bet your sperm are all crispy now.
purpleiscool 0
He probably doesn't have any nor can he make any after that one.
AloysiusWeasley 15
Lulz, you don't need to tan your junk, dude.
Autumnatic 0
I will never understand why everyone thinks it's so important to risk several cancers, and looking like an oompa loompa just because they think for some reason that their skin color is inferior. DUMB *****!
purpleiscool 0
I totally agree, if you're looking for skin cancer, you might as well get it from the sun, at least the tan looks better.
C_rock757 0
I feel your pain man I went in one for 20 mins. she put me in for 10 and I thought she said when it finishes turn over and do another 10 mins. The part where there are bulbs on both sides of the bed never occurred to me as curious.
alibi2277439 0
aw, cheer up. not ******* your girlfriend for a few days won't be so bad.
ashleynonymous 0
They always tell you. It's common sense. If you spend 20 minutes in the sun on an 80 degree day, you're not as likely to get burned as if you spend an hour in the sun on a 95 degree day. If nobody got burned in tanning beds, why would they have different levels? Genius. YDI.
seanseansean321 0
dontcha know tanning beds cause cancer? do yourself a favor and dont tan. leave the tannin to the guidos
Spongii101 12
YDI for using one of those cancer contraptions.
hassenpfeffermmm 0
Joke's on you, lobster boy! Sounds like a prank. She knew that would happen.
Psycho_Babydoll 26
Dude. It's called Final Destination 3. Watch it.